It seemed to me too like the both of them had kind of got a free pass from me. My wife was even pissed that I sent him and email and threatened to expose this. She wants no one to know, she told me that in the beginning when I really needed support and someone to talk to. I did talk to my brother whom is like a best friend and he also is friends with my wife and had talked to her alot over the last few years and new we where having troubles. He had no idea of this though and was surprised. I told her I talked to him because I needed someone to talk to and she now thinks he is mad at her and is affraid to call and talk to him. Do I let her know that I should talk to the OM wife? Or do I just do it and see what happens. Wont he contact her if his cover is blown? She is not going to be real happy with me I pretty sure. Whats the best way to expose this? Since he lives just 1/4 mile away. I have his home number, I know his wifes name, do I call, write a letter, leave a note on her car? I have some hard copies of the racy emails they sent to each other, maybe write her a letter with all I know and enclose some of those emails. Do I tell her there is possible a nude video of my wife in her house somewhere? My wife said most all of the encounters physically happened downstairs in the OMs house. I asked her how many times and she came back pretty quick with 14, no condom either.All in the middle of the day while I and his wife was at work. It seems to me that she is being too quick to move on and get this behind her, I think at about week 4 after d-day she decided this, 2 sessions ago with the counselor she was told not to shut the door on the past just yet and that if I ask at least constructive questions to help me and answer them, no questions have been answered since then. Your all right though no consequences to her other then feeling of loss from the OM and hurting me and some guilt Im sure. Its not fair at all and I feel terrible for his wife. This probably might not be the only time he has cheated on her. I asked her to read the book after the affair and she wont, I asked her to watch the video on this site about infedility with Dr Harley and she did and said thats interesting. She assured be she was not going through any withdrawl from the OM, trying to make me feel better? Not sure. Any thoughts from you all would be great. Thanks again

Whatever you do please do not tell your wife that you are going to expose her to the OM's wife. The way you describe this I would not be surprised if they have decided to go underground for now. Your wife did not even have any respect to at least use a condom thereby putting your health at risk for STD's.

Her attitude of not having any withdrawals indicates to me that the affair is not totally shut down or if so it is only temporary. I would get all of the information you have and put it in a folder. I would try to contact the OM's wife at work and tell and show her everything you have.

Your wife has been manipulating you for the past 2 1/2 years and she is trying to continue to manipulate you now.
No consequences to their actions equals no motivation to change. You are doing the right thing.

Don't threaten to expose to OM'sW, don't tell your wife you are going to do it.

Just do it.

It is the right thing to do.

Make copies of the emails and deliver them to the OM's W. Hand them to her, so you can be sure that she got them.

Exposing to the OM's W finding out will help END the A
( which is most likely still going on, but more covertly)

Do not threaten to expose or let your W know exposure is coming. Just do it.

Your W will most likely be mad. This is because you will have made it near impossible for her to continue w the A . You NEED to expose. If you do not,the A will continue and she will continue to lie and manipulate you.

Expose without warning.

Make sure you give OMW everything and hold nothing back.

They will immediately phone each other ind try to think up lies of how they were "just friends" to convince the other spouse you are merely jealous and crazy.

Your wife is going to become a hate spewing brick wall.

When she tell s you that you "betrayed her" gently remind her the definition of betrayal.

You didn't betray her, you protected your marriage.

Do you see a consensus here? Don't threaten, do. She could have stopped it all, she didn't. She needs to suffer the consequences of her behavior. Plus, you have important info for his wife. Wouldn't you want her to tell you? I know I would.

Matty
what did you do?..the advice here seems pretty clear
jb