Hi All,

I previously posted under this for my story:

Previous Post

Just having a bad day and could do with some support.
Plan A seems to have been working great along with her disillusionment with him.

She spends most weekdays with me and calls me, she tells me she has big daily arguments with the OM. Friday we made love and passionately as well not just her going through the motions to keep me "on side", we had some wine and she confided that she hadn't slept with him either in the physical or sexual sense in 3 weeks since New Year after a big argument they had. She was a little drunk but kept calling me for reassurance I loved her and missed her.

I am clearing out our old apartment in anticipation hopefully of a move to another city and she has said that she will definitely come with me in 3 weeks time and wants to leave him at the same time.

I believe she will do that, I know she finds it very difficult to say "it's finished" when she is still living here and feels guilty that he moved here for her and also her pride as well. I know it will be easier for her (a lot) to move somewhere else and just kind of forget....

Problem is she was sick today and stressed from the arguing some of it about me and I was feeling a bit, ok a lot, sensitive to whether she was really going to leave him or whether she would go away with me for a couple of weeks then go back to him.

She swears she wants to and that she is waiting for then being the right time to get out. That does make sense to me but I am sick of feeling up then down and don't want to do it again.

The slightest pressure makes her back of me and I was a bit anti Plan A today and it showed. I Called back to apologise and we both said sorry we are both having a bad day and she said I love you a lot.

She said she just wants to be happy when she is with me or I call like Friday when she was happy with me then went home to arguments with him...

Don't really know what I am asking, venting a bit and I guess does it look to you guys and gals like this is going ok? I don't want false hope. That's the problem....

Thanks guys and gals.

Hey Spike,

Sounds like the end is near so it's time to turn up the Plan-A!!!

Your Plan-A actions are making an impact on her and now she has to go 'home' to grumpy OM where the fantasy has already started to crumble...

Keep up the great work!

Semper Fi,

RIF

It does sound like that, the problem I have is:
What if she wants to come with me while he is away as a kind of holiday then she hops on a plane back to him when he returns.
I am just not convinced she is going to end it then but tells me that so she gets 2-3 weeks with me.
On the flip side, if that is what she is planning maybe her motives are not bad and she wants to re-test our relationship or maybe her intentions are bad I just don't know.
I just feel that I think she will come with me but I am about 50% thinking she will return to him which will hurt a lot again.

So what do I do?

When I am being strong, I think to myself that I should use that opportunity of those 2-3 weeks to show how great I am then even if she does go back she will be unhappy and depressed without me and hopefully then will end it.

OR....

Maybe she will go back and feel unhappy but get used to not having me around in the week because I won't be there and settle more into a life with him....

OR....

Just tell her to f&&k off and forget it all.....very tempted sometimes.....

Need some advice, really not sure what to do, and I'm not sure I have the strength to do a great Plan A with her for 2-3 weeks to have her turn around and hop on a plane back to him.....

Thanks

Hey Spike,

I know it doesn't "feel" like it, but the FACTS are that most WS return to the M...

Regardless of HER actions, you will know that you've shown her how great a husband you are and can be... that will be HUGE if she does go back to the OM and he continues to LB her...

Be strong.

Semper Fi,

RIF

spike, are you still paying the rent on her love nest with the OM?

You want support man? Well you have mine. I have learned A LOT about myself during my situation, and all I can say is this.

Don't let your fear of her commitment gnaw at your good plan A.

You are doing something very difficult to do. The fact that you are able to do plan A well deserves a pat on the back. I stumbled around in plan A for a while before I got it right myself.

There is nothing a person can do to show strength, compassion, understanding, and the type of person a sane person would want to be married to more than what you are doing right now.

Hang in there, listen to these knowledgeable folks here, know that others are in your shoes as well, you can do this, you can remain strong, you are doing a good job, and that no matter the outcome, you will know within yourself that you did everything you could and can live with that in your conscience whether things work out or not.

Hang in there and keep up the good work!

Spike,
I'm going to offer a somewhat different opinion here, but if I were in your shoes, I would be on the brink of Plan B. I see a lot of negative behaviors that your wife absolutely must deal with. First off, she is apparently incapable of dealing with conflict. When she fights with OM, she comes running to you. When you argue with her, she backs off. She wants to end her relationship to OM by moving to another city, rather than telling him now that it is over.

You can interpolate from this, that the moment you try to start real recovery and deal with the aftermath of the affair, she will retreat from you again and possibly re-ignite the affair or start a new one. I know its a very fine line to walk when you are trying to entice your WW back to your marriage, but I don't think Plan A is about enabling the affair, and thats the general sense I get from your post.

Having read your story, I would not allow her to move back in without clearly listing the steps she will take towards recovery. If she expects to come back and not deal with the painful reality of her actions, you are responsible for giving her a reality check.

Good luck.