I have seen many posts on this forum and I seem to see a pattern...maybe it's just me but are Men more Likely than Women to "forgive" an A? I can't help but notice that i see many repies that say "whould your WW tolerate this from you". or "Would you WW be accepting of this from you". It may be just me...???

Hi Zeke,

I don't know about any patterns.

I think that if the roles were reversed, there is NO WAY my H would ever forgive me or stay together if I had had an affair.

But then again, I NEVER thought he was capable of doing this in the first place. So who knows really how the other one would react when faced with this.

I certainly didn't think I would react this way or be as crushed as I am.

Maybe we don't know until it happens...i never thought that i would even consider forgiving until it happened, and then I"M THE ONE TRYING THE HARDEST to salvage!!! Crazy. But i really don't believe my w would be as forgiving as i'm TRYING to be.

In my experience men are far more forgiving. I think it goes to the thing where women hold onto wrongs done to them seemingly forever.

My ex and I both cheated on each other. I forgave, she never has. Nor will she ever, I'm afraid, to her detriment.

Remember, forgiveness is more for the forgiver, not the forgivee.

Heres an interesting thing to think about:

Who cheats more the "givers" or the "takers" in a relationship? This is something I have pondered. Do the givers get tired of no ENs being met, get tired of giving and not ever taking, and engage in infidelity, or do the takers not have enough to take and/or get tired of having someone cater to them, or eventually take for granted their relationship?

Add that to the M vs. W infidelities, and it becomes more complex.

Also, I am thinking that the economy could have a role in the increase in M and F infidelity activities as of late ie. providers not being able to provide as much as before? Extra stress due to instability?

So many things to ponder when you're suddenly all alone, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well i feel just the opposite.

I forgave my FWH's affair but do not believe that if the roles were reversed he would forgive me. I even asked him and he said he did not think he would be able to either but that he was glad i could fogive him.

I don't think it is a man vs women thing or a giver vs taker thing. I think we are all wired to have an A and as you all stated until you are there you do not really know how you would handle it.

I know for a fact my wife would never forgive. ******, she blames me from 9 years ago almost weekly about my mother butting in to our relationship. Lol. Imagine infidelity.

I never knew how strong I am, or how much I really loved my wife after all of the things that have happened recently.

Luckily, when I did have "very interested" women at work in the past, I was so committed to my relationship and spouse that I just brushed it all aside as meaningless, and didn't even give it a thought. It may have made me feel good about myself a little. But, given the right mix of stress, instability, etc. I truly know now that I could have been in her shoes if it had happened at the wrong times during our marriage. Thats why I can understand it somewhat now that I think back about things.

I think the D statistics might suggest that women forgive As easier than Men. I remember reading somewhere that 78% of Ms where the W was the cheating partner ended up in D.

I wonder if those statistics have anything to do with something I read here on MB (I think it was somewhere on this site, maybe I'm wrong) that women cheat for "love" where men cheat for sex. If women cheat for love is there less chance of the M reconciling?

Just a thought.

I think it's simply basic instinct at work, to do with the biological instinct to procreate and pass on our genes. If a guy is involved with a cheating woman, it's a lot less sure that it's actually his genes that will be passed on. No wonder we are a lot less comfortable continuing a relationship with W who's cheated. Yes, we may not be looking to have any more children, but the instinct is still there...

BTW, I think the suggestion that women cheat for love and men cheat for sex is just a little too simple. When my FWW cheated, it wasn't for love. She just liked how it felt, and considered it a "distraction".

I think Harley's suggestion that people usually end up cheating when their ENs aren't being met is much better prediction of why people cheat. My FWW's top "ENs" wasn't "love", but Conversation and Admiration, and with the 8 hours a day of exposure she got to the OM, he met those needs for her.