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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 78
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 78 |
This post if for my brother. They were married for 15 years and have two teens. She has been caught cheating several times in the last 4 years and he finally reached the point of no returned and filed. Before he caught her she asked for a separation and moved to her moms leaving him with the kids. She was very cruel and hurtful towards him.
Well he discovered the most recent affair, filed and now she's driving him nuts. She pops in the house all the time, calls him and emails him constantly begging him not to continue the divorce and swearing undying love ( the same things she said to the other guy as well)
She doesn't seem to understand the concept of divorce. Last night she came to visit the kids and my brother fell asleep on the couch from exhaustion. At midnight he woke up and went to his bedroom and she was in there asleep. He called me this morning all wigged out about how she doesn't seem to "get it" that he is going through with the divorce. Yet he keeps saying he does want her to come see the kids etc.
They didn't have sex or anything but she is slowly trying to ease her way back into the picture. She even left her makeup bag so she would have an excuse to go there tonight.
He went to talk to his lawyer and he just laughed and said he's seen this a million times. They always want to reconcile once you file even when they were the ones leaving first.
Can anyone gives some advice that I can forward on to him about setting boundaries. He is on antidepressants and they seem to make him numb to appropriate responses when he should be mad as heck at her for what she has put him through the last years. Also I can't imagine the mixed messages this sends their kids.
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trying to find myself
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044 |
Change the locks on the house for starters.
Get exclusive use of the home and if she continues being a pest...get a restraining order.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345 |
He is on antidepressants and they seem to make him numb to appropriate responses when he should be mad as heck at her for what she has put him through the last years. Well, is it possible that your brother is considering taking her back if she makes the right changes? Would you be against him saving his marriage if that is what they both decided to do? I'm not sure that this situation is all that different from all the others we try to save here on MB, except that he happens to be your borther. If this weren't your brother, wouldn't you be supportive of a person trying to save the marriage? AGG
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 78
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 78 |
normally I would- except this is about the 5th time she has cheated and we all supported and rallied around them for the first 5 times and then finally when she left this last time we were all just spent because she won't change. She refuses to get counseling and says she doesn't know why she keeps cheating and that she can't help it. My brother then decided that he couldn't live with a woman he couldn't trust and who kept abusing their marital vows.
I can't say I blame him because she is a serial cheater.
trying to find myself
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345 |
Ah, yes, that is a different story. Not much of a "marriage" to save, it appears, not when one partner "can't help cheating" repeatedly...
AGG
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916 |
Given that she is a serial cheater who won't admit why she does it (likely the thrill; adrenalin or PEA junkie), I can't see any reason why he shouldn't go dark and kick her out of his life. This would also send the correct message to the kids instead of the one heretofore presented.
For reasons I have never understood, it would seem that many women would prefer to be the one who overtly terminates a relationship instead of the male partner. Any reconciliation would thus be temporary in this case, imho.
Larry
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