This is my first visit to marriagebuilders. I am three months into a divorce that came out of nowhere. I felt we should of atleast of made an effort to work on things before we gave up so easily, but he did not. So I did not fight it and moved out. Since the first day he brought up divorce he has been so angry with me. And as the weeks have gone by that has not changed. I just don't understand why he is so angry. I would think that he would be happy this is moving along. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Can you provide any further details? Like how was your marriage before the divorce/separation? From your brief paragraph, I am interpreting that 3 months ago, your H asked for a divorce and you have since moved out but no actual legal process have yet to take place. Is this correct?

If so, I would be immediately suspicious that he's having an affair. (1) Because it came out of nowhere and (2) because of his anger. Many of us BS's have complained about unreasonable outbursts from our WS's. There is tons and tons of information on this site related to affairs, how to snoop them out, what to do when you find out and how to recover your marriage. Read everything - the articles as well as the discussion forums and order the books.

Meanwhile, give us some more information and the vets here can direct you to specific articles/books that will address your problems better.

Hi Tabby,

Is anger significant when there is an affair involved, I did not think of that. I have done a litte snooping and come up with nothing so far, but he is self employed and really has all day to do as he pleases. I work four days a week, 9-5 so there is no way for me to check up on him. And I no longer live with him. Yes this did come out of nowhere and we had no real issues in the marriage. what does bs's stand for? Yes we have begun divorce proceedings.

BS= betrayed spouse. WS = wavering spouse. There is a thread somewhere on this site about spying 101. Since you no longer live together, you may actually have to hire a professional. You can also try to follow him around when you are off work - is he working on that 5th day you aren't working? What about weekends? Even taking a drive past his house in the middle of the night - is his car there? Is another car there? What about his friends? Do they know anything? A somewhat dirty trick you could try is have your mail forwarded, but (accidentally) include his name on the form and hope for a cell phone bill. Do you know his email password? Could you guess it?

WS's typically behave very strangely. You will frequently read on this board how they are in a "fog" and how they appear to be possessed by aliens. My WH would have brutal temper tantrums, the likes of which I'd never seen in our 17 years together, over the stupidest little things. Basically what they are doing is attempting to justify their affair by convincing themselves that YOU are the bad guy. If they can pass the blame to you, the BS, then they don't have to feel responsible for the damage that they are doing for everyone involved. So yes, anger can be a sign of infidelity, especially if it is uncharacteristic.

Again, read everything here. Start on the General Questions forum and read about what others say about their WS's. You'll be surprised how many similarities there are.

Plave a voice activated recorder in his car.

Check your cellphone bill online.

BS is betrayed spouse.

Divorce proceedings mean carp.

Until you have a SIGNED legal seperation agreement, you can enter the house as you please.

Move back in.

WS is Wayward spouse, ie. the one in an affair.

I could have written the same. My X decided he didn't want to be married but was angry at me. What? If they wanted out, they should be happy, right?

Some people are not happy themselves, and blame others for their unhappiness or situation. Now that you are gone, they can either look at themselves, or continue to blame. It is far easier to find fault with someone else than with yourself.

You don't mention if kids are involved, but in case you think it will get better, my X is still angry and he's been gone over 6 years now. Sadly, his anger toward me still affects the kids.

There's a comment somewhere that if someone wants you to change and you do, they are not comfortable with the change and want the prior situation. At least that is known to them.

Good Luck.