My1st,
It hurts seeing all that...
You are so right, it DOES HURT, DEEPLY. But it's a feeling and feelings are like waves, they come and go and all you can do it ride the wave. My sponsor tells me, feelings won't kill me, its' what I do with those feelings that do.
Anyhow, I've started school and only need to take 5-6 additional classes before I can start applying to nursing schools...I must admit school has eased my anxiety and has given me a better vision on what I do want in my life and the life of my children.
This is awesome... Good for you!!!!
But it still hurts. I try to not think of him and have been doing SO WELL. But sometimes I get teary-eyed like 2 nights ago after sleeping for a little bit I woke up and the first thought that came from my mind was "I miss him." And then it could be the very next second that I feel so disgusted about what he has done and see how I do NOT want to go through the same mess again.
As Mimi says to me often, you have gone through a horrible trauma. What and how you feel are part of the crap. But you will get through it, once miniscule second at a time if necessary and I truly understand that time frame.
Do WSs even think or wonder about BSs??
Mimi was a master with her patience and guidance in helping me remember and come to terms with this. THEY ARE ALIENS, ADDICTS WHO THINK OF NOTHING BUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR NEXT FIX. We don't know what they think becuase it's so distorted and SICK. And they LIVE IN A FOG. It's a hard concept and I forget or try to rationalize it some more, but ultimately this is the truth. YOUR HUBBY DOESN'T EXIST. THIS MONSTER DOES. He thinks crazy. Don't try to figure them out or worry about what they are or are not thinking because WE CAN'T.
I don't know what's going on inside WH's head..but doesn't he know I can be lurking on the internet using this stuff against him in court?
THEY DON'T THINK, THEY DON'T CARE, THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR NEXT FIX....
