Does Plan B or a dark Plan B mean no contact even with children?

If you have been through Plan B, how long were you in it?

If the children are yours... YOU SHOULD STILL HAVE CONTACT WITH YOUR KIDS!!! NEVER, EVER, EVER GIVE THAT UP!!!

You need to set up an intermediary to "handle" matters between your and your spouse concerning the children. If possible, this person can even "deliver" the children between you and your spouse... if not, then I think it is best to meet in a neutral location for passing off the children (especially if you are still in the home, and the spouse has left, you want them to sort of "wonder" what you are doing with your life). But, by all means DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR CHILDREN!!! Plan B does not in any way, shape, or form suggest this!!

If the children are solely your spouse's children, then sadly, you would most likely have to give up them too, unless you can work out something otherwise.

Can you provide some more information? How many children do you have? Are these YOUR children? Are you the mother or father? (I'm not sure if you have another thread floating around...). Are you in the marital house, or is the spouse? How long as the A been going on? Where is your spouse now?

By all means, DO NOT give up your RIGHT to see YOUR OWN children. This is seen VERY negatively by the courts if you were to go through a D too. So-- INSIST on seeing your children. But set up an intermediary to "sift" through your WS attempts to contact you regarding the children.

If you go plan B, the intermediary's job is to take all communication from WS and "decide" if the message is important enough to pass on to you. Really, this communication should only be about finances and the children. There's really not much else to "discuss". This person can then decide whether or not to "pass the message along" to you. This allows you to not have contact with your spouse in plan B-- because a lot of times from what I've gathered they will call you under the guise of "Timmy's got a cold" or something like that and then try to drag you in-- which you don't want. This is their way of attempting to maintain contact and break your plan B. The intermediary helps with a strong plan B.

But-- DON'T GIVE UP SEEING YOUR KIDS!! YOUR KIDS NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!!



RIM

SOrry for including more details, I have the children! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sorry about that...didn't mean to scare you.

Those are some of the questions I have...

I'm being still right now, we'll see where this is really headed in a couple of months.

Hi My1stLove,

I haven't read any of your other threads so please excuse me if my reply seems out of context.

Your wrote: 'Does Plan B or a dark Plan B mean no contact even with children?'

I assume by this you mean does your WS not get to see the kids. IMHO, the only circumstance where this should happen is if your WS or the OP is a demonstrable danger to your children e.g. if there is violence, drugs or some other thing that you could prove to a court would represent a risk to the well-being of your kids.

I can't answer your second question but I have been trying to compile a list of successful Plan B stories which may be of use to you. If you haven't seen it then click here.

Best wishes,

P

Ooops. I suspect I interpreted 1st's question wrong. I think principled's got it right, probably.

I agree with principled, that unless the WS will endanger the children's safety (ie, abuse, drugs, etc), that he/she IS still the child's mother/father and to take your children away from their mother/father isn't right, and may build resentment in your children later on.

That said, if your children are old enough to understand, they themselves may choose that they don't want to see WS (I've seen this happen a few times on here with children that are teenagers, and old enough to "understand" how stupid mom or dad is being). If this is the case, I wouldn't "force" them to see the WS. The courts may do that later on, but I wouldn't force it. Let him try to get to them if they don't want to see him. But be careful wiht that and be sure to stay neutral... if it is TRULY this child's decision, that's fine, but don't try to "influence" them.

Sorry I probably misinterpreted your question. I thought you were going to give up your kids to the WS!!! That would be crazy!!! But apparently I'm just the crazy one that misinterpreted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

RIM

well our children are 2 1/2 and 6 mos old. It's been almost 9 mos and he hasn't even called ONCE for them. Not even to see if they had diapers, socks, coats, food, etc!

I'm planning to go back there this summer around the same time for a friend's wedding and planning to have children christened at my home church.

So if I'm in a dark Plan B, is it advisable to let him know through a mediator...which in this case will be a ffriend to let him know they are there? I wanted to invite his mom but have mixed feelings about it...she butted into our marriage A LOT, but then I feel she is their grandmother, so I know she would love to see them.

I prefer for them to be able to see them while we're in church. I don't feel comfortable about letting either of them take the children out somewhere w/out me around. Plus, I DO NOT want OW around children...WH may take them around her.

WH has never physically seen 6 mos. old.

I do not want them in the neighborhood we were living in...too much going on there. But would like WH's side of the family to see them.

Should I let WH know we will be there in advance, or let him know the day we are there, invite his mom and maybe she will tell him, or not let him know at all. Sometimes I feel like well if he really was interested in his children he'd call. Like I said it's been almost 9 mos...no phone call for them.

What's the right and wise thing to do?

1stlove, I would not contact him at all if you are in Plan B. If he wanted to see the kids, could he?

Have you really gone into Plan B, or has he just abandoned you and your kids?

I think I know what you mean by this...but maybe not. Can you elaborate? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We're miles away from each other. Well he'd be able to if maybe, MAYBE I will let his mom take them for several hours...don't know how that would work...b/c like I said earlier she has crossed the line in getting into our marriage aside from all the other things that's happened.

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