Mr. Snuggles.

Close your eyes and picture yourself 50 years from now laying on your death bed. Are any of the people you want to be popular with there? I doubt it.

i understand what you are saying i really do. And i think deep down he understands what y'all are saying.

He feels that if he had been a woman on here writing about the things i did to him you all would tell him to leave me ... but because i am a woman who treated him like that that you all are over looking that.

I don't think that is the case at all. What i did was wrong.... i know he loves his daughter very much and would not want to be without her. I know he misses her terrible and would want to be there with her 24/7. And i understand why he would not want to commit to coming home to what life was like before.

I do believe that God has givin us a second chance and life and at having the marriage and relationship we both dreamed of. I feel it inside of me that God is telling me not to give up even when i feel hopeless.

Teddybear i will never ever give up on you. I believe in you and i know you are there the man that i fell in love with and i can see it in your eyes that you want to come home to us.

i guess popular isn't what i ment but i guess he finally feels like he is part of a crowd and i dunno maybe he is afraid if he comes home he has to give that all up.... that he can't have friends..... that isn't the truth at all. I want him to have friends... i want him to feel accepted by people.

He and i growing up were kind of outcasts not because of who we were necessarily but because we didn't fit the popular look. kids are cruel.

I just want him to know that he can have friends and go out with them and do things with them. Right now what is keeping him from coming home is that he doesn't want to come home and have someone else come along and him say wow i wish i could date them and then leave again. He doesn't want that. I told him i would make it so he would want no one else but me... he just smiled.

I don't know about that Snuggles. Were you abusive? Was it a constant wave of AO's? Does he fear for his safety?

I think that's the difference between why we are telling him this instead of just leaving.

Were you abusive towards him Snuggles?

This is what i would do... he would try to talk to me about something even if it was minor and if it was something to potentially upset me i would loss control and cry and make it the end of the world.

if we were arguing i have pushed him out of the way especially if he was stanind ing my way and wouldn't let me past.

if we had been arguing in the car and i would want ot get out of the car to get away from him on two occassions i had grabbed the stearing wheel and on another i tried to put the car in park inorder for him stop the car. None of that has happened in over two years.

Other than that if we got into a fight.. usually over my job... i would throw things in his face about things we bought together and say i did this i did that.... yada yada.

I take full responsibility for my actions and i have been seeking professional help and have been making changes that he states that he sees in me. He is afraid to trust them and i can't blame him but at the same time if he were home he could see the changes that i have made. i know he wants to give me that chance he just is afraid of the risk.

Let THE PAST be THE PAST.

TODAY, bottom line, he needs to write a NO CONTACT LETTER to evidence his sincerity.

YOU need to EVIDENCE your CHANGES..TODAY...

Mimi i understand and that is what i am going to continue to do for him. i want him to continue to see my changes.... i want him to let the past be the past.... i was young and immature.... i have grown up so much because of this and i want him to see that.

Oh wow, I didn't think it was that serious. So how many bruises have resulted from this? How many nights spent at someone else’s place because of fear? Come on guys!!! You were having the same kind of fights that happen to most married couples. So you’re a little more emotional, big deal.
Like Mimi says.... let it go!

Bud, you're about to throw your marriage away because your wife cries during a fight, or walks away from you, or pushes you out of the way when you block her way out (Which BTW, I would consider as being abusive from your side).

Ok, let’s focus... you both made mistakes during your M. Bud, you made a bigger one with the A. You both feel guilty and unsure about the future.

Now let that go and focus on what needs to be done to fix this.

GREAT, SNUGGLES!! So from this day on, YOU will start moving FORWARD.

WH, your job is to END your AFFAIR with a NO CONTACT LETTER that you will not see this OW for the rest of your life. This is about what YOU need to do. SNUGGLES is moving ONWARD, doing her part.

What i did was not correct by any means.... he had been nothing but supportive of me up until his affair.... he had tried to tell me to get help and i just didn't see that i had a problem..... i am correcting my behavior to the best of my ability.... He just isn't sure if he will be happy with me or not... he has told me that he thinks he could be happy but he has his own mental issues with how things are and he has to get past them and let the past be the past... i am hoping that that is what is going to happen.

I love him to the hills and i never ever wanted to hurt him and i feel horrible that i have hurt him in any way shape or form.... i am hoping that one day he will accept that.

as for him posting here he is afraid that no one will understand how he feels about how our relationship was. Whether it was normal marital problems or not doesn't not make my actions any less accountable and i can understand how he feels about that.

So long as he comes here and doesn't look to justify his A, he'll be fine. You'll be surprised how much people will understand where he is coming from. The point is that he can get help on getting over the fear, and giving you, your baby and himself a true shot at real happiness.

Bud, Look at it this way. Can you walk away from your marriage and say that you did all you could to save it? Because if you can't then chances are you will regret your decision one day, and by then it will be too late to salvage it. Where as right now all the door are open and your best chance to save your marriage will never be better.

I hope this helps you look at your fear in a different light.

He is afraid he will be held accountable by people who have walked in his shoes, played his game, and know the score.

He is making excuses.

IS he willing to write a no contact letter that you approve (no wishy washy bullsh%t), and that YOU mail? If he is not going to do this one simple thing, he is conning you.

Trust me, I know. I've lived a false recovery. Snuggles, false recoveries are incredibly painful when you realize you are in one. What actions is your WH doing right now?

Please don't let him twist the truth around to you deserving the crap he has dished out. That is just typical wayward behavior. What is he DOING to prove he is shedding his wayward attitude?

Now we did it... We got SMB mad... she's using words you don't usually see from her. LOL

AMEN! LISTEN TO US!!

MIMI...who suffered through MORE THAN ONE false recovery with a cake-eating WH... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


You folks are worth so much more than this. And do you NOT see that Plan A is NOT about endless appeasement. It's about becoming a better YOU, a better spouse. I am seeing WAY TOO MUCH desparation on this board lately.

I say, "Rise up." Be the woman you were meant to be. Be someone that your spouse wishes he/she was good enough to be with.

My FWS calls me a hero. Do you have any idea why?

BECAUSE I FOUGHT LIKE HE(( for him to become the man he was created to be, not the man he was allowing himself to be. You can't do that by coddling them and holding their hands.

I would comment more, but honestly, I have read so many stories lately, that I keep getting them confused and don't want to make myself look too foolish. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He knows that i am fighting like ****** for him to come home and for him and i to have a great marriage. he wishes none of this would have ever happened but hit happened for a reason. i know deep in my heart he wants to come home but as y'all said actions speak louder than words and i am just waiting for the actions.

as i have told him he won't be able to fight the charm i am throwing his way. and he knows that .... hehehe if you are reading this teddybearthis is not a game this is me.... and as you told me tonight you know if you hadn't met someone else and this was me you would be happy with everything.

Oh LAWD...ya'll is gonna hafta stop wit da "teddy bear" stuff or I'm gonna hafta pull up da vomit bucket!!!!!!

hehehehehehehe... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Fighting does NOT mean appeasing. And that is what I see.

Stand up for yourself. Respect yourself. He has got to be absolutely loving his cake-eating!




He is not to the point of regretting any of this.

And, yes, it did happen for a reason. And that reason is: Your husband is being SELFISH!

It didn't happen for some greater purpose. Your husband has checked out on your marriage because he is selfish and thinks himself entitled to do whatever makes him feel good no matter how badly it hurts people he should be loving.





No, he doesn't want to come home yet, or his little hiney would BE home and he would be taking the necessary steps to DEMONSTRATE TO YOU his desire to never have contact with the OW again.

His actions ARE speaking. You are just choosing to remain deaf.



This is turning my stomach, Snuggles! This is just a total lack of respect for yourself.




Wayward babble to keep cake-eating.

ok you are correct... i am deaf dumb and blind to all of this .... i guess i am just a slow learner or hopeless at this point.... i need to work on that part of myself

Ok...SMB hit you with a big 2X4. But don't be so hard on yourself. You are the one in this situation and when you are "in it" and not looking at it from the outside...it's hard to see the forrest through the trees so to speak...

The real question is... what are you going to do with the insight that SMB gave you?

Nothing??? Sit on your A$$ and feel sorry for yourself? ... I certainly hope not...

Change...

Change for yourself... that's the only thing you have control over... Not your WS.

So... pick yourself up and dust yourself off... Look at what SMB said and figure out what it is you need to change about yourself. I think that is the first thing you should do.

A little self examination...if you will.