I will get SPECIFIC and DIRECT with you.

Absolutely STOP all forms of BEGGING and PLEADING.

DO NOT CRY in his PRESENCE. He's seen enough of that. He's evidently hurting you and it doesn't matter or he would be home by now, ending the affair.

DO NOT PUT YOURSELF DOWN. Begin to PRACTICE uplifting yourself.

WALK with your HEAD HELD UP and YOUR CHEST OUT.

THINK of YOURSELF as being the GODDESS that you are.

Read up on that OTHER PLAN that we all know about and don't tell him what it is.

DON'T TELL HIM WHAT IT IS!!

Direct your focus TOTALLY on YOURSELF and YOUR CHANGES that you are making to be the BEST PERSON that YOU WANNA BE..not the person that HE wants you to be...

Snuggles,

I can absolutely, honestly, promise you if you take SMB and Mimi's advice you will become someone YOU can be PROUD of.

Your M and the recover is in G-D's hands. You CAN'T CONTROL it. But you can TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

I TOTALLY GET YOUR FRAME OF MIND. I would recommend you go find my thread and read from the beginning of when I thought of myself as trash and would do anything to get WH home. I am not saying I am healed, but I am WAY better. I still have days, but I am RAPIDLY GAINING SELF-RESPECT.

EVERYTHING SMB and Mimi are telling you is the perfect advice. You HAVE to LEARN to stand up for yourself, because I can absolutely tell you WW's won't.

They are sick, hurt people bent on destroying US, because they CAN and we ALLOW it. Please stop it. Please listen to them. It's ok to want your M, gosh, I want it so bad. it's ok to be scared, but you HAVE to learn to focus on yourself and create the PLAN that you want.

Make those changes that YOU have always wanted to make. Because then they are real changes that won't change back.

You are an amazing person, say it to yourself.

Tell me 5 qualities you like about yourself?

I have made changes for myself and the 5 things i LOVE about myself are...

1.How good i look

2.how good i am at my job

3.my kindness and caring

4.my smile and sense of humor

5.how Great of a mother ia am.

I have learned to focus on the changes that i needed to make and i have made them. I am no longer angry all the time and i am no longer bothered by the simplest of things. I truely like the person i have become and am becoming. My WH likes it as well and has said if i was only like this a year or so ago we would be so happy..... My response was well we could be happy now and he just smiles.

As for my plan A he hasn't seen all of my changes yet so that is why i am still doing what i am doing. I want him to see the real me without all the crying and the begging. I want him to fall back in love with me again because of who I AM now .... I am a Goddess and there is no way anyone would be able to resist me.

And what if he sees the new you and doesn't say anything, acts indifferent or acts as if he doesn't care?

Expect it.

oh i do expect it.... but so far his actions towards the new me speaks louder than words.

Ditto on EVERYTHING mimi said.

And I will add:

When you start envisioning that your life can be joyful without him, then your desperation will leave. I still see A LOT of desperation.

Keep your focus on you, not on him. You makes changes because if benefits you (or maybe even your future husband <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />), not FOR HIM. If he decides to join you, well then YOU can CONSIDER if YOU are willing to ALLOW him back into YOUR life.

See, it's in the attitude. You can do the exact same actions, but your attitude may be all about "what's he gonna think if I do this?" or it can be "this makes me a better person/spouse/mother/employee/friend/etc."

Do you see the difference? Your attitude (thought process) is still all about him and how HE will REACT to what you are doing.

You see, you Plan A because it is good for YOU.

I have two questions for you (because I have a couple threads mixing in my head):

1. What exposure did you do?

2. Are you a Christian? Is your husand?

We are both Catholic.... and EVERYONE knows about him and this OW and that they are living together... his parents and brothers aren't happy about it but they won't tell him that they want to stay neutral... they have told me that he is going about all of this wrong but they won't tell him that.

They also think he is foolish for not atleast giving it a real effort for us.....

My plan a efforts are for me... i love who i am and who i am becoming.... not because of him but for me.... i am a much happier person..... i no longer cry about this ... this is all new in the last week and half.... I know it sounds despirate but the changes i have made are for me... like i told him if he wants to join in great.... i don't want you to think they are for him cause they aren't.... i need to do the things to be a better person to everyone in general cause for the last year and a half i a was a real biotch.... ask anyone.... my mom even notices that since i have learned some of the stuff on here that i communicate better with people....

this isn't all about him... it is all about me.

bump

.

Keep Posting on the GODDESS THREAD..You certainly are a MEMBER OF THAT COMMUNITY!!

well a lot has happened in the last two days. I can't go into detail but i can say that my heart went up and down. Bboy they never said this wasn't going to be a rocky ride.

I wish i knew where things were going. I am a better person and in a better place than i was a month ago. let alone a week ago.

I can see that i will be fine no matter what happens but i miss that best friend of mine. He was hurting yesterday and all i wanted to be able to do was see him and give him a hug and tell him it would all be ok. But i couldn't. I wish he had the same feeling for me when i am hurting but again that isn't the case right now.

There is so much that i miss about him and i feel like there is nothing that he misses about me. I have heard over and over again how beautiful i am and what a great person i am. I know and believe both of those for the first time in my entire life. If WH chooses to join in the ride as he has told me we could have the best marriage around.

Sad thing is actions speak louder than words, and although i want to believe his words i want to see the actions behind them.

Ok now i know i didn't make any sense but thanks for reading <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hurting?!? He's not hurting, he's pulling your strings. This guy is one of the best cake eaters I've seen since comming on. Not only does he babble but he also uses the crocodile tears as a way to suck you in.

He's just manipulating you... period. He continues to do this becasue there are no consequences to his current actions. Mark's post to Queenie this morning about this subject would be worth the read.

It's been over a month since he left, time to start thinking about Plan B IMO.

I see what you are saying..... it is just hard for me to believe that the man i married would intentionally do that.

I know i know ... he isn't the man i married right now.... and he has told me that. i am trying to get past that.

i feel strong today. i have my moments but i keep myself busy when i am at home with my art work and my books and of course my sweet thing.... she is soo good. I am thankful that God has given her to me. She truely is a mirical baby. I love her more than anything in the entire world.

i am trying to give her what is best in life and hopefully one day that would include my husband. Right now we can't count on him for that so my family consists of me... the baby... and my two wonderful dogs. They are really good with the baby as well. The four of us get along great in the house and keep each other company.

Not a whole lot to report at the moment but who knows what next week will bring.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Unfortunately it is the sad TRUTH.

The would hurt us because they are. The are cake-eating because we let them. And they are NOT our H, because they are monsters who are selfish, destructive and something else, it just isn't coming to mind.

The one difference between yours and mine, is mine is completely indifferent to me in terms of words. His actions say that he still uses me as his wife, but that's all. And he takes no responsibility. It's pretty much, he has found his happiness and screw you, too bad there are others who hurt. What he told me was he was tired of putting other people first and wanted to put himself first.

{{{{{{{Snuggles}}}}}}}

My WW has said that exact same thing....

Even long before I found out about the affiairI always felt she was the one being selfish and I was the one puting others first.

That's hopeful. More babble garbage. Though at the time I didn't realize it.

I'm sorry Amazin.... This hurts so bad.

Good news. My FWH ALSO said EXACTLY the same thing. He must have been studying the same version of the wayward handbook titled "How to Be an (Unoriginal) Wayward".

I am going to publish this book and donate the proceeds to the BS's club.... We need a CRUISE to go on and meet everyone.