I was reviewing the Personal Questionnaire. I do not have many memories of my childhood. I do remember something I am very ashamed about and, until 2 years ago, never told a soul. The person I did tell was the pastor at my church. I feel better but it's always going to be there. I never planned on telling my husband & I don't want to. I think telling him will make our relationship even worse. I don't remember every detail or how it began & feel that it may have been so bad that I've blocked it good.

I could go see someone about it, perhaps a hypnothrapist, but then this would be documented.

My husband and I do not have any children. He is infertile. I'm afraid that is I see someone, it may hinder our chances for adoption.

Worse, knowing for 35 years that I've always wanted children, I am now unsure about my dream. I don't think my husband & I have a healthy relationship. I don't want to bring children into the picture when we are not happy with eachother. I've considered staying married with my husband & remaining childless but I know I will be miserable.

My husband & I may care for eachother but we were never in love. Not even in lust.

The reasons why I don't tell my husband I want a divorce, right now, are that I don't want to hurt his feelings, sometimes I feel that everything will work out, & I have this overwhelming sense of guilt (I think is mostly from my Catholic religion &, the knowledge that marriage is not an easy entity). Our parents are still married but why? I know my mother has been very unhappy for a long time but she chooses to stay. If I choose to leave my marriage, does this make me weak?

I haven't had an affair but have entertained the idea. I won't have an affair because it's just not right. Even if we are miserable, the least I can give is fidelity.

I feel isolated & alone. My friends are far away & my husband doesn't have any buddies to go out with. My husband relies on me to keep conversation going (he confessed this 2 weeks ago). He doesn't tell me he loves me until I tell him, & he is not affectionate towards me. I feel like I need recharging (& told him I needed recharging) but he just doesn't understand. He is 3 years younger than me & he isn't very experienced.

We just aren't on the same page. I'm so sad & don't feel like trying anymore. I know I can't change him & he doesn't seem to want to change.

Help, please...

Hi TBMC,

Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry for your pain, but I'm glad you've come here where you can find people who may have similar challenges as you.

I, for one, was not in love with my husband....for 32 years. Then HE had an emotional affair (EA) and we nearly split, especially after 3 false recoveries. (Link in sig line below.) You are wise to seek help BEFORE you act on your mental fantasies.

If you read the General Questions II section (GQII) that might give you a glimpse of how much worse your life would become if/when you decided to cheat to get your needs met.

The Emotional Needs forum is one possible place that you might repost your request for help. This "Other Topic" forum is very slow (few readers) and your call for help is very related to the EN forum or even GQII.

Again, welcome to MB and best wishes to you.

Ace

How old are each of you? what contributed to his infertility?
what kind of past issues are you dealing with? how well do you communicate? why did you marry him if there was no love between you two? how does HE feel about the marriage?
many questions, my dear..... also- it is possible his infertility is having an impact on his ability to be more affectionate & communicative with you?? you need someone to talk to- just as I did when confronting my own past. That is what we are all here (on the MB website and forum) for. I hope you are able to reply and we can work on this issues for you...sincerely...4BetterorWorse.....((((((((hugs)))))))))

4BetterorWorse,
I think this may be an underlining issue. People (man or woman) that know they can not reproduce may struggle with feelings of inadequacy. As in feeling less of a man/woman. My sister went through a period of sadness over the knowledge she would never have children. She had a tumor the size of a football removed from her ovaries when she was 30. They thought it was non-cancerous but did a biopsy on it while she was in surgery. It was cancerous but contained. They did a complete hysterectomy right then. She went under thinking she was having a non-threatening tumor removed and woke to find she had cancer and could not have children. Luckily she had a very loving and supportive boyfriend at the time. He was a Godsend because her ex-husband thought the only reason to get married was to have children but they never could get pregnant. He walked out on her one day out of the blue after only 2 years of marriage, no effort to work on the marriage he just left. He came back a year later after the divorce was final but she had enough. Then she met her current husband and that is when they found the cancer. Her new husband stuck by her through all the treatments and married her 2 years later. (can you tell I LOVE him!) He was very kind and reassured her over and over that it didn't matter if they had kids all he wanted was her. The OP's husband may need to talk to someone about how he feels about himself.