am frantic, despondent, in disarray. I fall apart at the least little thing.

Speaking of Oh Lord, He Hears my pleas for intercession, am I not asking the right thing? what is my purpose? what do I do? I am frantic, despondent, in disarray. I fall apart at the least little thing.

I forgot, are you taking anti-D's?

Mortally_wounded - Yes, the Lord hears.

Would you like to talk more about this?

[color:"red"]YES![/color]

If you do, are both you and your husband born again believers in Jesus Christ?

[color:"red"]Just me. He believes in God but is not saved, not born again.[/color]

What is this "serious illness" that your husband is having trouble facing and is using as an "excuse" to violate his VOWS to you and to God?

[color:"red"]I have rheumatoid arthritis, generalized anxiety disorder, chronic fatigue.

Feb 2005 my mother, who lived in Calif, died after having a seizure. She had alzheimers for 10 years, lingered 2 weeks before joining the Lord. She was 84. Then dad & I caught the flu at the funeral. In all I was away from my family for 2 months. WHen I returned, I thought I was just experiencing the effects of that stressful time. I had an infected gall bladder removed, and hoped to get better, but did not. Spent the next year dealing with the affairs of my dad and moving him across country to where we live. He was 89, and declared incompetant, so I had to go get him. The nature of our relationship was -- distressful to say the least, but only through the Love and Strength and Wisdom of God did I pull that off. He is happy and well now, in assisted living nearby. That was particularly stressful on the whole family but we made it through, and my H was staunchly supportive, took on many of my duties as parent/housekeeper during that time. In the fall of 2005 I was dx with fibromyalgia. I did not tell him, b/c I was struggling with the loss of my vitality. I'd have rather loss an arm.

I have not seen my dad much since DD, as he sees right into me, and would know something is up and make me tell. He is less forgiving than anyone I know. (my father is not saved, even being brought up in a strong Southern Baptist home. He says he does not understand unconditional love, and loves conditionally. Perhaps that is why I am so unconditionally loving, to make up for his lack of it. Does this make me a doormat for my H?)

After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I struggled with the loss of my energy, I have always been very busy and dynamic, and all I could do was --nothing--. I reduced hours at work and tried to focus on keeping healthy, and my family. Then, more recently, I changed doctors which made all the difference! She diagnosed me with RA one day before DD. He has been in this fugue like state ever since DD. He likes his women healthy strong, vital and in charge. Fat chance of me looking even remotely like that for some time. The meds they put me on are making me sick as a dog, on top of it.

[/color]

How old are the two of you and are there any children involved?

[color:"red"]he is 45, I am 48, I have a 16 yo female from a previous failed marriage. he has no children. It seems like his relationships fail about every 10 years, so we are right there. I asked him to break the cycle, and show my daughter that two people can experience a deep crisis and come out better than they went in. He agrees that is noble, or that he wants to, he just cannot start the journey. He is frozen in himself.[/color]


Hang in there, help is on the way from lots of people here who know the devastation of adultery....and who have survived it.

[color:"red"]Thank you, I know. I have prayed, fervently, and part of those prayers have been answered. The biggee, though, is, Lord - I am ready, desperately ready to renew and rebuild this relationship. Please bring him to the same state, so we can begin. What is my purpose, what am I to learn before this happens?

My doctor and friends are afraid for my health. I cannot eat, and what I do, I struggle to keep down. I do not sleep, or I sleep too much. I cannot focus, I cannot - anything! And it seems that everything I do irritates this man. I beg the Right Words, The Right Actions! They allude me!

[/color]

God bless.

Mark 4:35-41

35 On that day, when evening had come, He told them, "Let's cross over to the other side [of the lake]." 36 So they left the crowd and took Him along since He was [already] in the boat. And other boats were with Him. 37 A fierce windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking over the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. 38 But He was in the stern, sleeping on the cushion. So they woke Him up and said to Him, "Teacher! Don't you care that we're going to die?"
39 He got up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Silence! Be still!" The wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 Then He said to them, "Why are you fearful? Do you still have no faith?"

41 And they were terrified and asked one another, "Who then is this? Even the wind and the sea obey Him!"