Are you suggesting that skanks do not really exist, and are merely a creation of chauvanistic males?!

Skanks, ******, sluts, tramps......they are all real. I've met them. Some of them are proud of it.\

What's with the sense of "sisterhood"? Instead of taking offense when any woman, anywhere is the world is insulted, just be glad you're not a hose-hound like they are.

Um...ok...

So what do you call the men who just want to have sex?

Krazy, I will once again suggest that while your thinking that there are such women out there (and men too) that you need to be a little clearer in the group you are defining. It comes across as you talking about all women..not just cheaters.
But I will also say that I think you are being egged on by someone that might have a bit of an agenda.

me, I tend to go with a gender neutral term like "pig." That seems to cover all bases.

I have no agenda. I'm honestly curious why someone would think it's ok to label people of the opposite sex with terms that clearly exhibit hatred or disgust, and they're not providing any of the same sorts of terms for people of their own gender. Why is there a double standard?

Like I said, I'm serious. Teach my why it's appropriate.

two questions.

how do you know he doesn't use the same terminology for a male? I have called males "sluts."

did anyone say it was appropriate to be sexist? I don't think there is a double standard around here...except when it comes to men getting the short end of the stick at times....with things like physical abuse and being controlling. Women frequently get passes on both here and in society as a whole.

You name it. "Scumbag" is one of the mildest terms I use.

Well, I'll be 50 this year, and I have never heard a man called a slut. Or anything else similar, for that matter. So if that's the case, please enlighten me.

I wasn't asking you about being sexist; weren't you the one who recommended removing his post? I was asking him why HE felt it was appropriate. I wasnt' even referencing MB; I was asking HIM. If we could PM, I'd be doing it in private, because I like to expand my knowledge of how people think. I think it's fascinating that he thinks his is the accepted way to think. That is all.

ETA, scumbag has no sexual connotation. All the ones you used for women relate to sex. What such terms are there for men who openly enjoy sex, as if it's a bad thing?

Anyway, sorry for TJing. Leaving now.

do you know his background? It would explain his anger and why he gets a pass on some stuff for the time being. And yes, I did ask him to edit.

And read my posts from time to time...I have used the word to refer to men and woman alike. I'm not sure how else I can enlighten you. I hear it used for both sexes...albeit more commonly for women. Pig is usually the term for men.

CRT,

I hear ya. It's been six months for me since D-Day, and I feel very cheated. What especially bugs me is the fact that WH lives in a world where marriage is safe and I do not anymore. This aggravates the bejeezers out of me.

Now, this is a Christian site, and I'm not a Christian, but I do believe a bit in karma, if you will, and one of my favorite sayings is "What goes around comes around." It does, it seems to me, not usually as fast as you might like, but it does come around eventually. Not that you're sitting there WANTING your spouse to be miserable, but when you feel miserable, cheated, when you feel the need to keep "soore," then you want the score to be evened.

I can tell you how it "came back around" for my WH, since we've been a little further down the road than you have been. At first he was sort of defensive, minimizing the situation because it was "just" an EA. But eventually he was miserable. He said that he'd lost himself. His actions were entirely inconsistent with his character. He hurt the one person who had never hurt him. He was irresponsible, and childish. And it took him a long time to find his true self again. Meanwhile, he had to watch the pain that he caused me. We had fights, BIG ones, with me screaming every obscenity known to human kind, writhing about because it literally made me physically uncomfortable when I thought of some of the things that I'd read in his emails to her, spewing all manner of words that I never use to describe women (because I see them as sexist) and yet here I was, screaming them at the top of my lungs. I have never truly HATED anyone like I hated the OW. I despised her. I truly fantasized about hurting her (emotionally, and ok, maybe a little physically, but nothing serious). I wanted to tell her boyfriend what she'd been up to, not just with my husband, but with another married guy at the same time. I wanted to expose her to everyone that she knew.

So, ok, in answer to your question: do you want to go through what my WH did? Because you WILL feel that way. I suspect strongly that your WW does. Do you want to feel that way? The answer to that is almost surely no. So assuming that I'm right, stick it out with your WW or don't, but don't cheat to "even the score." If you leave, then you leave. Leave for yourself, though, not to "get even."

That's the beauty of "what goes around comes around." You can't force it. You just have to sit back and wait for it to happen, and it does. It always does.

I can't say that I felt sorry for my WH when he was crying in our bed saying that he didn't know who he was anymore. I didn't feel sorry for him. But the desire to even the score lessened that day, and it's sort of diminished steadily, slowly, ever since. I realized that, as crummy as I felt, at least I didn't hate MYSELF. I hated someone else, and that was better. (Not him. I hated her. Yes, I realize that that was transference, but whatever. It was easier than hating the man with whom I shared a bed, a life, finances, a home, etc., so I hated her with everything I had in me.)

Good luck to you. Sorry that you're feeling badly. It does get better. I wouldn't have believed that six months ago. But it does.

Jodie

"I can't say that I felt sorry for my WH when he was crying in our bed saying that he didn't know who he was anymore. I didn't feel sorry for him. But the desire to even the score lessened that day, and it's sort of diminished steadily, slowly, ever since. I realized that, as crummy as I felt, at least I didn't hate MYSELF."

Very, very well said, Jodie.