need advice please

i'm in CA he's in AR.

he doesn't know my address!!

but a complaint, summons, and affadavit has been issued.

my attorney in CA says that i will have to respond in AR since it's out of state.

now adultery can make a difference in AR b/c it is one of the grounds for divorce there.

i wonder if irreconcilable differences is a ground b/c i have never seen it mentioned there and it's always mentioned that living apart for 18 continuous mos w/out sex is the easiest to prove.

PLEASE HELP!!!

i've just started school and may have to fly out to AR to get this junk taken care of.

I am so disappointed that he actually filed and really hates me and doesn't care for his children and will be onto his 5TH MARRIAGAE.

I caught it right in time, he filed TODAY. At 12:31 pm CT, I called 30 MIN AFTER he filed!!!

You have to be served first of all.

Wait and see what he's alleging, then, tell your attorney that you want to "Answer" and "Cross-File" with a cross-petition citing adultery as a ground. This will put you in a better position as far as custody. In fact, if you can, you could also allege abandonment! Ask your attorney.

ok, thanks for your reply. I am shaking right now...that's why he changed his number this past weekend and that's why she did, too.

I called the circuit clerk office back and they said they don't have the actual documents so they can't tell me what's exactly on there.

Ok, I will tell my attny that.

I found out that he filed under "general indignities" but if I contest it, which I WILL he will have to prove grounds...b/c irreconcilable differences is not grounds for divorce.

The easiest to prove is living apart continuously for 18 mos w/no sex! AND he has to provide a witness that knows from THEIR personal knowledge that is true.

So how can he serve me if he doesn't know my address, which I HAVE given him but believe he threw it away or whatever.

So around Nov. 2008 is when he can prove the living apart for 18 mos..do you know what I mean?

I'm taking my first anatomy quiz today...not good.

Should I fly out there as soon as I get an AR attorney and get a copy and file my response there?

does anyone think he can prove grounds w/general indignity (cruelness, habitual negative behavior, etc. over a period of time)?

I have read about some cases in AR that were filed under general indignities and the ones I read ended up in not granting a divorce on either side b/c both parties were at fault.

In this case, I have the option to contest it by how?? Just telling them I don't agree to these terms, etc? Or/and is counter-filing/cross-claiming the same thing or another thing?

I'm just surprised that WH filed b/c I'm not even sure he knows or has kept the info about my address, or even knows the city/location in CA we were married at or knows info about children such as SSN.

Someone had to help him fill out the forms b/c from my knowledge he wasn't very good at that...he would usually ask me to fill out forms for him. Plus I don't know if he had help from an attorney or not b/c he was so behind on his truck payments!

So this is what I've gathered for proving my grounds of adultery and failure to provide for mine and children's welfare:

1) txt messages from WH and OW (about those childish conversations I had with them, can read my first thread)

2) timeline of events from suspicion of commiting adultery (start April 2007) and now

3) e-mail contact from OW

4) OW myspace page with her pic and WH pic and her professing her love for him.

5) Forged and cashed my last paycheck from work

6) Medical records showing I got Trichomoniasis from him while I was pregnant w/our second child.

7) More medical records showing I got HPV from him, too.
8) My pill bottle for treating Trichomoniasis

9) Hasn't sent anything for the kids or called for them

10) Proof that I have let him know where we're at, sent him b-day pics of our son

11) called him the day before I gave birth to our 2nd child AND let him know what hospital I was in and gave him #

12) called minutes after I gave birth to her and let nurse call and leave message to let him know I've just had our child

13) when I was planning to go overseas w/my parents, I sent him a notarized letter of intent w/the passport consent forms, w/return receipt, and restricted delivery to 2 different addresses, his last known address which the office of child support here and the USPS confirmed he still gets mail there and his mom's address, where he told me to send it to.

but he wanted me to sign for an uncontested divorce in order to get his signature for the children's passports.

Both pieces of mail were returned. The one sent to his address came back as addressee unknown and the one sent to his mom was never picked up.

I'd like some support, insight, advice, words of wisdom.

And who could've testified as one of his witnesses for him to file???? No one knows what went on with us except for us.

I just had to share this, too.
About a month ago I prayed and asked God to please tell me where WH stays now and where he works...I guess God answered my prayers b/c I'll be finding all that info out soon. Unless WH is lying about that, too.

Now another question. WH lied on our marriage certificate stating he only has gone though 1 divorce, but truthfully it's been more than that.

Will that affect anything??

Why? Just wait until you're served. Do you want a divorce? With all the things he's done you should move on. If I were in your shoes, I would, but that's just me.

Do you think he's going for custody? Is there anything to fight over? If not, just wait until you're served and then get an attorney to file an answer. I WOULD go after him for child support though. He CAN'T avoid that no matter what he claims.

I say cut your losses and let this man go. You and your child deserve so much better.

Thanks, PM. I have no idea if he is...I have to call the circuit clerk domestic rel. dept. again.

But anything is possible...even though he's behind in many child support orders and has many other children...none whom he has raised.

He hasn't even called once for the children, sent them anything, or came to see them. Even when I was staying at my friend's house for 2 weeks in AR before I left, didn't even try to find us even though I gave him the # and address...but did see us the day we were flying out.

Maybe the house. He is currently renting to own it. If he's still paying on it it will be paid off within 2 years. So I don't know if renting to own makes a difference or what...I did my fair share of paying each month for "his" house. Sometimes even used my entire paycheck to pay it off b/c he was paying so much in child support...didn't even go fight it so he can get it modified.

And some debt...

What if he denies our daughter? Which is definitely his...OW told me he said she isn't his. His name is on the birth certificate...not sure if he would want a paternity test...actually don't know why he'd want one b/c she is his biological daughter.


The thing about being served is if he actually knows my address...I have given it to him but thinking he may try to go behind my back.

You know, I'm contemplating about that too. I will take your advice and cross-file.

I can't deal with someone who will continue to be a part-time husband and father.

I pray that he will surrender his life to God but as I believe you stated before he is so set in his ways that it may not happen.

So how am I going to deal w/the OW now that he might marry her? I do not want my children around her. Ever.

I just hope the judge grants me sole custody of both of them b/c he was never interested in them. I also pray that it's not for either of the kids...like our son who he has raised up until 2 with me.

I know you say cut my losses...but won't this happen to OW, too? it's like she's living in her fantasy and think it's going to be a perfect marriage...not even considering his past habitual behaviors. Did I make him so angry to the point he would do this b/c I told OW's mom and it's probably getting around?

I don't know if you've read my post about me calling OW's house and talking w/her mom, we actually had a quite civil conversation...then OW texted me on Christmas Day..you hear me??!! Christmas Day.."merry christmas to you and the babies" Another set up. And according to her webpage she is so happy this is happening...quite sad.

Yes, child support of course...is alimony even worth it? My response will not be out of vengeance...but I need to do what I need to do. Women and children are not disposable like paper cups and plates.

Thanks for reading and responding...it's one of the few places I can find comfort...

My children are bi-racial. My MIL, who is black told me that if I date or remarry it would have to be another black man b/c a man of another race will not accept my children. Then she told me that black men will most likely beat on you. Now why is she telling me this?

I've grown up with and had many friendships with different races/ethnicities...I would want a good person regardless of what color they are.

My1st,

I am so disappointed that he actually filed and really hates me and doesn't care for his children and will be onto his 5TH MARRIAGAE.

5TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus you are concerned about the OW and what she is getting herself into??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is an amazing post....amazing because it seems you are serious.

Run as fast as you can away from this sitch. I'd say take him to the cleaners, but it does not sound like the courts can make him come clean anyway.

You are concerned that he REALLY HATES ME. The only feelings he has are for himself.

WHAT ADVISE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR??? PLEASE HELP you do what?

kirk

Thank God that he has filed, you wanted him to in your other post.

Now another question. WH lied on our marriage certificate stating he only has gone though 1 divorce, but truthfully it's been more than that. Will that affect anything??

It didn't affect anything then...such as you NOT marrying him KNOWING that you were number 4.

It's harsh but it's true. You went into this knowing...why are you shocked? He is running true to form.

committed

He is a long time prison convict, has been recently arrested for killing a man with a gun, is probably wanted by the law now, claims he is a preacher, had 3 or 4 other wives and numerous girlfriends, cheated on you almost from the beginning of your marriage, you married knowing him for only 3 months, he is terrible.

You married Mr Terrible, you can only expect terrible things to come out of the marriage and divorce.

It is a blessing to be divorced from such a man, he probably wont want custody of the kids since he never wants to see them now. You will be free of the lying, cheating Mr Convict.

I hope you dont think that God wanted you to marry this criminal!

Yes, child support of course...is alimony even worth it? My response will not be out of vengeance...but I need to do what I need to do. Women and children are not disposable like paper cups and plates.

They are to him.

Did you start up with him while he was married to someone else?

I think it is mind boggling that you are complaining about all the stuff happening to you when you KNEW that he did the same with all the other women he has been married to, and all the children he has fathered.

What makes it different for you?

He has been spreading his seed from stem to stern and you are shocked???

Something is a bit off about all this high jinx and drama.

committed

StellaKat:
Yes, I did want him to file since he wanted it.

No, he wasn't arrested for killing that young man. It was in self-defense, I was there.

But I wonder what made that young man go and do that when everyone was in the house and the truck was parked right outside infront of the house and knowing he couldn't carry those speakers by himself!! It looked like a coffin.

krusht:
I was laughing at your response...yes I'm serious! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
I hope you understand it's hard for me, not as hard as it was before but it's hard for me b/c I've given myself to this man..my 1st, 2 kids, put aside myself for him. But you know what, I believe it is a blessing...whatver's happening now it's working for my good and the children's good.

Committed:
you are so right. I was very naive and dumb, I tell you just dumb! There I was out of college, fresh, young didn't have a lot of R experience..but was so "in love" but was book-smart but couldn't point out a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I thought he was going to change b/c he wanted to. His mom and bro would tell me that he's really changed. But he hasn't.

"I thought he was going to change b/c he wanted to. His mom and bro would tell me that he's really changed."

Perhaps he did change! After all he was no longer in prison when you met him,,,!

I remember your first post when you said he had to sign one of the divorce decrees in prison! So he may have been even worse a character than he is now,,,,


I am glad he did not shoot YOU! Or one of your kids! You are alive! And done with him. YAY!

I meant w/women...not illegl activity.

I know he wouldn't do that. But am glad something is happening.

My1st,

No, he wasn't arrested for killing that young man. It was in self-defense, I was there.

WOW, you were there!! Very spooky! And this is your normal life with this dude?

No, that wasn't my life. WE lived in a bad neighborhood...it wasn't the suburbs.

Well I found out more info today and I hope to get clarification on what these legal terms mean. I have spoken to some potential attnys in AR but not since I've found this info out.

Found out:
-Complaint was approved by judge since Monday.

-WH put the date of our marriage as Oct. 5, 2005. NOT TRUE We were married on an entirely different date.

-WH also put our children down as children from the marriage..put down their correct nsmes and birthdates. So why would WH put wrong date for our marriage?

-Also the form from what I am told was hand-written. An attny is not representing him. Funny b/c he usually asked me to fill forms out for him...he wasn't very good at that.

Also, that WH has been the first to initiate filing...his previous wife waited 18 mos to file b/c that was a true grounds to prove. Before the 18 mos was up WH didn't file anything though...

Guess OW helped him.:p

-WH did not ask for custody.

-WH stated that he will pay child support LATER! WTF is LATER??!!

-I still have to call OCS to let them know WH IS in AR b/c he filed for D.

-I asked if there was an address for me to be served at and they told me from the complaint, no. But is it supposed to be placed in the complaint? Just wondering if he thinks I'm overseas and wants to get this done behind my back or has a diff. agenda.

-WH wants an 'absolute divorce' does that mean the same thing as divorce or dissolution? What makes 'absolute' different?

-said we separated Mar. 2007. But WH chose for us to leave our home and stay with his broth and his family until we find a new place to live. WH was staying with us most of the time until he started sleeping around. We were still having sex until the 3rd week of may 2007. WH told me to leave the house May, 25 2007 after I confronted him about me finding out that night from the hospital that I had an STD. So he lied about that.

-WH signed it stating all info is true.

I'm getting things ready..


********Thanks for reading and helping************

I understand WH desire for a divorce...but I believe it's only right to get it done in a truthful and fair way.

i forgot WH also stated he wanted a RO if necessary.