Can anyone give me some advice. I have been struggling in my marriage of 6 years to really connect with my H. I have just recently read about passive aggressive behavior and I am concerned. I am at the end of my rope.

I would like to know of this behavior is able to be worked through without counseling? I wrote a letter to my H stating I am very unhappy and want him to get counseling or its divorce. Is that too harsh? I just feel like I have been doing all the work..."rowing the boat by myself" and want to stop.

I read how my behavior has allowed him to continue in PA behavior, but would like to know how hard to push for change, or if to push at all.

Any insights are welcomed.

Wondering where you got info on PA and how you know your behavior is allowing it to continue?

People have said my husband has some PA behavior so i'm curious.

I went to www.angriesout.com

but there is alot out there on the web and in books. Seems hopeless. Don't want to discourage you, but the counselors basically say - if the spouse really doesn't want to change then change won't happen. Its a learned habit passed down by parents - and a tough habit to break for a passive aggressive spouse (usually men). Counseling can help but there isn't a sure fire method to resolve this behavior. The other spouse (usualy the woman) enables the passive aggressive person by being frustrated then passive themselves - ironically. We get frustrated and may get angry. Then our husbands charm us or twist things around so that we look like we are partly to blame. Then we back off and smooth things over. We "forget" for a while. Damage control. So, basically we either continue this way or leave. That is the hope I get from the professionals.