I recently took the advise from MB's that told me to tell my husband about writing a no contact letter to his lover and her husband. My husband didn't want to do that because he told me that he doesn't think that his lovers husband knows that it is him, and he doesn't want him to know that it is. Keep in mind my husbands lover and her husband were friends of ours about 10 years ago. Do I write the letter on my own? Do I mail it? Do I hand deliver it, to make sure the husband gets it? What do I do to ensure that there be no future contact between my husband and his lover? Help me with this new knowledge. Turns out my husbands lovers husband and lover are in marriage counseling, but he doesn't know about my husband in particular.. Please HELP!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I would call up the other BS and tell him about the affair. That is how you can best ensure the affair is over. The man needs to know so he can protect himself from your H and his wife. Your H's reluctance to inform him tells me that he wants to keep that option OPEN and may still even be carry8ing on his affair.

As far as telling the other BS, I would just pick up the phone and tell him. Writing the nc letter is an entirely seperate issue that your H would have to agree to do voluntarily.

I agree.

You got some great advice on your previous thread that is just going to get mirrored on this thread. Stick with your previous thread and follow the advice that has been given. The first step is to inform the BS of your WS's AP.

Tell your husband this:

"I would respect you so much if you made the decision to meet with OW's husband in person. I will go with you for support. You should apologize to him for the affair with his wife. That would show me your level of integrity and responsibility and willingness to repair past errors."

Hi all: I think my situation will go under this heading too. My husband had acted bizarre for months when he announced last Sept. he didn't want to be married any more. He stayed at his dad's but then came home so we could work on our marriage. On Christmas I discovered receipts for gifts that I never received and when confronted he admitted he was in an affair for a year with a woman he'd met on a sex website. There were 2 prior women but this one he liked and had plans to set up housekeeping. They communicated almost daily thru emails and IMs. She lives in a town 50 miles away. On the 27th of Dec. he left me for her but then called on New Years Day begging to come home. Said he felt their relationship was wrong and he should be in our marriage. I let him come home and we are in counseling and he swears he has stopped the relationship 'cold turkey' but he is adamant that I NOT contact her. Says she doesn't want a scene but I feel the need to contact her and tell her we are working on this marriage and she needs to stay away. She has continued emailing altho he gave me the password and I check his email. My question is: Should I let this woman alone or should I phone her and make her aware that I know who she is and the affair is over for good?? Any help will be more than welcome here. I tried to check the website articles and found nothing regarding contacting the paramour. (yep, old fashioned word). Thanks.. ~wadeallie

Me again..
I forgot to tell you we have been married for 19 1/2 years, have raised 4 children and I think this is part MLC. We are the so called perfect couple. Never fight. He wanted cake too but getting caught changed everything. OW is actually older than me by 4 years (50) but a professional woman with nice house and 1 grown daughter. She knew he was married but didn't seem to care. Now she doesn't want to end the relationship and boohoos that HER heart is breaking.

wadeallie

install a keylogger on the computer...
insist on no contact letter..
insist on new cell phone...

and seriously doubt that he has gone cold turkey...
this ending is less than 40 days old...

it's most likely your husband had not officially stated no contact..which is why she is frantically contacting him..

tell your husband for his sake, as a decent man, out of respect for her, and the fact he dogged her as he dogged you........he MUST write a no contact letter that you see...and send...
clearly defining his working on the marriage..and his wish to end this all from this second forward

otherwise are you sure that he's not just there out of fear; out of the tying of loose financial ends to decrease potential losses...giving her the story..I have to go back temporarily to fix some things...etc

who care about his demands...

your boundaries...

no contact letter
new phone with her not having a new number...and you having access to all passwords etc

key logger...unknown to him....

and the right for you to contact her if she continues contact after letter..

dollars to donuts if you contacted her today..bet you'd find out that they are in contact....

plan A
plan B

not interested in what he wants you to do in respect to contacting her..
not interested at all

ARK

Wadeallie,

I hate to be critical, but you have committed a THREAD JACK, meaning you took over Sushimaker's post and diverted attention from her situation and question.

Please start you OWN post so everyone here in the halls of MB can assist you and you alone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks,

Sushimaker, I am sorry to take the attention away from your question. No intentional harm from me. I am new to posting so didn't know the etiquette.
~wadeallie