My wife on Thursday night informed me that she wanted a divorce. I was shocked, lost for words, told her that I loved her and wanted to talk and work together. I told her she did not say anything to me prior about problem/s. I want to change, to reconcile, counseling, etc. I want to save our marriage, even though I am not sure her thinking. I have written her three times via e-mail, called her twice on her friends cell phone, emailed parents and gave her a letter stating my sincere feelings. When I told her I love her she said I am not sure I can tell you that now. What does that line mean? Is it spur of the momemnt? Can love be found again? We barely every fight, etc. I treat her very well but am certainly not perfect. Please help. There is not another man involved.

Brian,

Sorry to tell you this but I would be very suprised if there isn't another man. She may not be in a physical affair but she could be in an emotional one.

If she is having an affair, she will lie to you. The person you trusted everything with can no longer be trusted. Believe what you see, not what you she tells you.

You have come to the right place. Read all you can on this website. You may want to post your story over on GQII as they are better suited to help you.

Tell us more about your story.

I'm sorry but this is exactly what spouses say when they are having an affair. Exactly. Start snooping.

DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!!

Your wife is most likely in an affair.

Even when they tell you they still love you they could be having an affair.

However, when they don't, it seems more likely. It doesn't mean all is lost. I am learning that an affair is her latching on to someone who comes across as a white knight addressing needs you have neglected. Whether its physical or emotional, its not built on substance, its built on dreams.

Are you sure she never told you she was unhappy? She never had any compliants?

I'd also step back and examine why you never fought. Is it because she promptly goes along with whatever you want, even if she doesn't want it? That's a sure way for resentment to build.

The wording of her reply "I'm not sure I can say that right now" is a little troublesome. I'm thinking back noww. When I was doing Plan A with my then H, I remember that I wasn't in love with him. Did I love him at all? Hmm. I don't think so, but it's hard to tell. However, I had no problem telling him that I was so unhappy that sometimes I hated him. LOL. Funny thing, he didn't believe me.

In general, I think it's odd behavior. Unless you've been a really bad, abusive spouse, usually the one leaving will talk to you or give you a speck of hope... provided there isn't someone in the wings.

I'd snoop. There are tools for dealing with an Affair.

Sorry for your loss and pain. Perhaps your wife was just feeling alone in your marriage and was seeking fulfillment elsewhere? Maybe when time passes she will be more likely to confront you with the real issues at hand. Even if she is involved with somebody else there still could be hope in your situation. Meanwhile why not work on yourself for now until you get some answers.

Fairymom42

Something my IC said to me. Men come to her saying my W wants a D and I don't know why, she never said anything. IC said to me, "A wife will tell a H over and over again for years sometimes decades about an issue, and the H looks baffled." she continued, "But when the H listens and does what the wife needs, many times the M is saved the sex issue is solved by itself."

I'm certain if you jog your memory you can think of what it is your W complained about or needed.

I'm sure she thinks she told you. However that doesn't mean she told you directly, or in clear, unambiguous terms.

So if she says she has told, validate that. Tell her that you understand that she feels that way, and admit that you did not understand her messages.

I agree with the others however, that she is likely in an affair.

The irony I see is that this is often the FIRST CLEAR indication a woman gives that a she is not.

So while she has been give subtle, indirect messages, this is likely the first time that she has said the words, "I am not happy."

I've seen it here too many times. Men who don't understand the hints and indirect language of their wives and women who don't understand that if you don't say something simple like, "I'm unhappy" or "I would like _______" that their husbands will not be able to figure out those subtle messages.

If a woman says, "That's a nice dress." how is a guy supposed to understand that she not only sees the dress, but a romantic night out with her husband wearing the dress, if all she says is, "That's a nice dress."

Anyway, it is what it is. And if she is in an affair, she may even tell herself that she did tell you in direct terms when she didn't.

My former wife made up all sorts of stuff, even to the point of saying she gave me parenting and marriage books that she never gave me.

I'm pretty good on the details. I can recall conversations and what the circumstances are around them, what was going on in our life, etc, and perhaps even the restaurant or meal we were having when we had that conversation.

So it was unlikely that I'd forget something that important. Yet she, while in her affair, tried to pull those sorts of things on me.

So I would not trust much of what she says, as it's likely she is involved, at the very least, emotionally, with someone else.

wow this post got me thinking .. im going thru the same thing..i dont even want to know .. i want o just make our marriage work!