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#2020182 02/06/08 01:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1
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caspar Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1
First of all, pardon me for my sobby english. I hope you can bare over me.

Today i tried to push my wife into telling me if she had been unfaithfull. Even from the start of our relationship (in the first six months) i became suspicius. Today the bomb fell. She admittet to have betrayed me in the begging of our relation ship, and 2½ years, four months before she got pregnant with our two twin sons.

I´m writing in the forum, because at first. I didnt belive that it was only these two incidents. She claims that the first incident happend because, she wasnt sure about our relationship. The second time, was because I couldnt forfull her emtional needs. I had a down period with sevaire sickness and a following depression wich lastet six months. Secondly i´ve read the Q´s and A´s, but it seems that there was much writing about longlasting affairs, and little about what i have experienced. So thats why i´m posting here.

I´m in a dillemma, because i cant stand the thought, not to see our children everyday, or that our kids some day would call another man "father". I know she has been unfaithfull in most of her other relationships, and thats why i doubt its only these two incidents, wich she claims. I´m pretty sure i would have left her, if she told before the kids came along, but now this decission wether to pick up the pieces, and to part from one antoher, also affects them.

I feel so stupid because, i gave my forgivness for the first incident without her ever telling she did it three months ago. And today i´m pretty confused. I feel that our trust is totaly broken. Also today when she confessed, she changede her story several times, about when and where and why it happend. How can we pick up the pieces if she continues to lie?

Her best friend, and her psychologist have all advised her not to tell me, and that really makes me angry.

I keep thinking about the children, what is worst for them?

Should we pick up the pieces when she acts so irresponsialy?

Can we pick up the pieces when the lies dont stop?

How can i ever trust her again?

sincerly

Caspar

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
Three things needed for a good M: Love, Trust and Commitment.

If she chooses to lie to you, there can be no trust in your M. And trust, when broken, takes a LONG, LONG time to be restored.

Your W is choosing to lie to you.

You know from her prior relationships that she is an untrustworthy and unfaithful person.

Your W is choosing to take the counsel of persons who are advising her to destroy any trust you have in her.

Finally, you will not be able to trust her again until she chooses to be honest with you.

Whether you can have a successful M without trust I don't know, but I have a good idea what my choice would be, if I was in your situation.


ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
Joined: Feb 2008
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First of all I know how you feel . Being lied to or only getting partial answers will never help you come to terms with what has happened and all you can do is fill in the pieces of the stories as your mind creates them , which is not always the way that they happened . First she has to honest with you and tell you the truth and stop draging your heart thru the mud. We can only deal with things when they are presented in a matter with all the details and then make our decision based on all the facts. Without all the numbers in a math problem you can not solve it only speculate . After you have all the details then you can begin to recover and decide which road is best for everyone involved . In the mean time if she agrees to be honest with you then trust her but verify . Good luck with your situation and I hope you find the solution to help you and your situation whatever it may be. God Bless.

Joined: Aug 2000
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I am sorry for your pain. From what you have written it seems quite clear that your wife is a serial cheater who has consistenly lied to you about her affairs. I would have a paternity test done on your children since the chances are pretty good that may or may not be yours.


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