Husband had several "encounters" with OW, which he says was not affair lol. Stopped seeing her. Finds out she is preg with his child. Child born in 2002. I allowed him to "talk" to ow on phone to keep updated on child. OW talked him into seeing her "to talk" 3 years after first child was born. Needless to say, she now has another child that he has fathered. their ages are now 5 1/2 and 1 1/2. We pay $700 a month for the first child. Haven't settled on 2nd child since just got paternity results. OW wants H involved with her children. Says they deserve to have their father in their lives.We have told noone about his children with her and he has had no contact with her since 2nd pregnancy. We believe she "hoped" i would kick him out and he would come running to her when she got pregnant each time. ( she has 3 other children by 2 other men. first 2 from marriage,while divorced had 3rd by my husband, 4th from 2nd marriage, 5th is my husbands while still married to her 2nd husband. He has now left her) We want no contact in order to salvage our marriage, which is now wonderful after marriage counseling. Our counselor recommends no contact. We also want to protect our children from knowing what their father did. Our kids are 21, 17, and 11. She put husbands name on birth certificate and listed him as father when registered for school. the oldest is going to be in a pagent and she is threatening to put husbands name in paper as father if she wins.....

I feel for her children and know that they need a father, especially since their siblings know their father, but I do not trust the OW with my husband. Yes I know that I could pick up the kids and he doesnt have to see her. I guess I just don't know how my children will react and want to protect them. I also feel that they have a right to know their siblings. I just don't want them to hate their father. I have forgiven him, but will they?????? Also, if we have relationship, what am I??? Their step-mother. How in the world do explain that one. She was never married to my husband and it will be very awkward. Explaining one other child is bad enough.... but 2!!!!!! I want to protect my children for as long as I can, but am sure ow will make sure it comes out one day and my kids will find out. Is it better for them to know now or later????? Any advice from those who have been there would be greatly appreciated....

You know......it seems to me you arent putting any blame on your WH at all. You keep bringing up OW and what she might do. You really need to check your H. He doesnt/hasnt seemed to have a problem sleeping unprotected with a woman that has had children by multiple men. Im not coming down on you, but it does take 2 to tango if you know what I mean.

butterfly, why no DNA on the 2nd child? I would NOT allow support or BC to reflect him as father until DNA proves paternity.

DNA was done on both children and he is the father of both. After she told him she was pregnant with 2nd child, we went to a marriage counselor and have worked out our problems. Our marriage is stronger now than ever. Our counselor and lawyer recommend no contact. Neither of us want anything to do with OW. She is trying to force his involvement with other kids. She acts like they were in a "love" relationship. It was several "one night stands". We just don't want our kids to suffer for what their father did .

I'm glad your M is better, but have you really resolved everything? Has your H undergone at least 1 or 2 years of regular therapy to find out why he has compulsive needs to stray. Does he avoid confrontation? Need to be stroked? I only ask because what happens when things aren't going as smoothly? Please just take care of yourself and take steps to protect yourself when/if he strays again. I'm sorry to be a doubting thomas, but if a man can do that repeatedly and NOT use protection(!), I have to question whether you truly are on as strong a ground as you think, or are just wishing for it.

As for the kids, I see only heartache in the future for the kids, if you expose. Let them believe in the family paths they already have. Exposing may make you adults feel better, but it will wreak life-long havoc on those poor kids - all of them.

Counseling really worked? How did you heal after the child? I cannot seem to get passed it. I think the child deserves to have my husband in her life (I did not have my dad) and he does not want to be dead beat dad. I have to face that, but I am not sure if I want to save our marriage. I am too hurt..the counselor said not to see the child(ren)?