We just bought HNHN. He's reading it first since I'm used to the principles.

It's so darn refreshing to see a man who reads. My xh never read a darn thing. We're trying to start things off right with a good foundation now.

so how long have you known him? what does he do? where is he from? where does he live now? LOL fill us in. how many children and how old?

i am actually expanding very slowly on a friendship that started sometime early last year. through is dating others and my dating gekko we just remained friends but had a very strong connection and just really enjoyed talking to each other. so, when he decided to stop dating for awhile not having any luck in that area, and when gekko and i finally broke up for the final time (the longest most drawn out break up in history i swear) we continued to talk and out of the blue kind of mutually decided we both had a lot of what the other was looking for. we just continue to talk and email currently (it will be ldr again for now if we do decide to date, which is fine with me. i never had a problem with distance since i am so independent and used to living alone, etc... i kind of liked it actually) and want to take things very slowly and just really get to know each other. he is very familiar with mb principles and has read most of the books so that is a plus! it is the first time i am considering dating someone older than i am, by about 12 years, but the fit feels right in the sense that he is settled and established and owns his own home, etc.. and i guess i don't have to worry about being put to the back burner if someone younger bats an eye at him like i did with exbf and exh because i am younger! LOL

anyway, fill us in and check back to my family page often as i try to update it every few days....

mlhb

When did JP return? What's been going on the past few years Peachy? Update us.

A man who reads....is an absolute plus. It doesn't matter if the man you are seeing is a bit older. With what you have stated....he seems to be a good listener....and will engage in a educational discussion. After my divorce of almost 5 years ago....I have met a wonderful man....3 years ago....and we are dating....attending church together....and we have so much in common. He is a year older than I....and his exW was the one who had an affair. Just take it slow....and follow Gods path. We have so much respect for each other....that I know God brought this man before my eyes. Good to hear....you have moved on and are doing fine. Take Care.

Hey everybody. Been crazy busy the last few days.

As for any super personal stuff, I won't state too much personal stuff about my life here b/c I found out earlier this summer that my xh's ow/wife was reading on here and accidentally found it. Ironically he was cheating like mad yet again on her. I just don't want to be THAT conspicuous and have to protect myself ok?

But I've known him 3 months and we are head over heels. Completely. He's four years older than I am. But he looks same age and we both don't look or act our age though. He is also a bs, his wife cheated and he divorced her so quickly that when he told me about it (less than 2 mos. is all it took) it made my head spin! Mine took forever it seemed.

He is a good man. Good character. He's a consultant and SVM of a large company here. Very handsome. I like them tall dark and fit. He's handsome, intelligent and well-educated. Scary part is he looks similar to my xh. That was the reason silly enough, that I almost didn't go out with him. We live about 10 miles apart. He was very fair and good to his xw in the super quickie divorce 2 years ago. He bought her a gorgeous home in a subdivision nearby and they have a good relationship considering everything. He gets his kids whenever he wants them and has them several days a week.

Tonight we're introducing him to my son for the very first time at a birthday party.

Relationships in the beginning are new, exciting and wonderful. Take this slow....and get to know each other very soundly. Sounds like he is a good father, and wants to have his children around to be the father they need. Introducing your son to his children will be awkward for both sides....just keep it simple.

You divorced your exhusband for apparent reasons. He is once again betraying his wife. Seems some men just don't realize what they are doing. Good for you that you have moved on and getting your life together....and meeting wonderful people.

It took me a few years after my divorce to get my life together....go back to school....and find happiness and a very deep relationship with the Lord. I don't regret the divorce....and wish the ex happiness. My children were young adults and finishing high school when the affair/divorce were taking place. They have gone past the ugliness and now they can move on with their lives as well.

Have a great time....and be yourself....that is the most important aspect of a relationship....and let things happen in their own time.

only 3 months peachy?? can't help it.. that makes me shudder a bit.. your past relationships, as least the ones i know of from what you posted here, moved quickly and ended up really hurting you. just be careful and be SURE.

then again, i waited a year before introducing my kids to gekko and it still didn't work out. in fact, meeting my kids and having us all see what it would be like together as a family seems to be one of the things that threw him over the edge. but you guy, being older, definitely sounds more mature than that.

hope it goes well.

Sounds to me like th same pattern different guy Peachy.
D'd after 2 months. Sounds like he throws away marriages as quickly as his X did. With kids, wouldn't you want someone who would work on the M. And you see an easy D as a good trait?

newly.....i think she means the process of divorcing his wife only took two months. not the length of the marriage.

also sounds like he is the type of person who doesn't give second chances when it comes to cheating...which isn't always a bad thing. some people are willing/able to forgive and forget and rebuild and some aren't.

peachy...you're an educated woman. do what you feel is the right thing to do. you deserve happiness.

I got that Allur. It just seems a repeat of her X and past relationships.
He has next future wife lined up and ready to go.

Sorry newly, but you're way off base there. He is nothing like my former husband. He worked with his w for 2 years in counseling before her problem (an a) was discovered. At that point he was done. He did all he could but when it was over it was over. I respect him for that and wish I could have done my divorce much quicker also. Some people do not change nor want to and my xh was one of them. So was his xw.

He's everything my xh is not. I am not repeating any patterns. We've both done IC on our own and are incredibly healthy. It's absolutely as things should be and my family and all my friends who've met him 100 percent approve of him. These were the same people who in the beginning did not approve of my xh btw.

Sometimes isn't it good that some old timers can come here, who really learned the MB principles and used them, and also used them to forge ahead? Or am I wrong about that. He's reading HNHN and we both know what we wanted in a spouse. I've had 4 years to think about it and to get over my divorce. He's had a good bit of time also.

It's a wonderful situation thus far and it is moving forward.

I too, after what I went thru will not tolerate cheating in any way. We're also going to see a child psychologist together to make sure that we are doing all as parents we can do to slowly begin the change/merge. He's about as far away from my xh as you could possibly imagine.

We're happy. It's a very good thing.

My update btw is on gen II.

Good to hear that he'd actually worked on the M, as I believe that says alot about a person. The 2 month comment made it sound like he just gave up quickly.

Good luck to you. Your son is getting older now isn't he? Enjoy all the good times.

Hi Peachy,

Glad you're having fun!

Our newspaper printed an interview with a marriage expert recently. The guy was quoted as saying something similar to, "of all the happy couples I have met, there isn't a single one who says they wished they had moved faster." I liked that one because of all the things I have learned since my D., the main thing is that there is no hurry. I have kids already so there is no race against a biological clock, etc.

All that is beside the point. I mainly wanted to share my experience w/introducing kids to BF. My kids already knew BF but we dated about 6 months before we told the kids the extent of the relationship and before including BF in some of our outings. I thought I was following the rules. I also thought that everything would be easy since kids already knew and liked BF and he's such a great guy, how could it not be easy and all that. Imagine my suprise when my wonderful children started acting like spoiled brats when BF was around. Sometimes I wondered why he would ever want to come back.

For me, all the warnings about the kids feeling threatened were true. I sought and received advice on this board which helped a bunch. My kids and I had a couple of heart-to heart chats from which I learned that they were indeed afraid that I would get remarried and ask them to treat someone like another daddy. After lots of reassurance from me and more exposure to BF, everything is going great. It didn't take a long time either.

Friends and family often ask when BF and I are going to get married but the situation with the kids alone is an indication of why it's important to go slow. Kids need time to come to terms with it all.

Best of luck in the new relationship. Here's hoping he turns out to be all that and more. As a fellow BS whose ex knocked up and married OW, I know too well what you've been through.

I'm a little concerned, Peachy. I know it doesn't feel like you're repeating patterns, but it seems that way to me.

Let's see...
Dating a few months and head over heals
talk about marriage/merging/blending
Son likes the man
Man is gorgeous and successful and lives in a nice house
Man is nothing like XH
This could be IT!

This could be applied to the two previous BF's you posted about as well as your current BF.

You may want to consider reframing the relationship in your mind... Instead of "We're head over heals", maybe it's "The infatuation is really strong right now." Maybe instead of rushing to consult a pyschiastrist about how begin to merge the two families, you could think in terms of "If things are still going well in the fall, we should figure out how to handle Christmas."

Unless you need the money, which I don't think you do, there's no reason to rush into a marriage, or even an engagement/serious relationship.

Granted I took my relationship with M at a snail's pace in the beginning, but honestly after 3 months, I really wasn't sure that it would work out, even though I was becoming besotted with him. Love does NOT conquor all. In fact, 7 times out of 10, love is conquored.

Another thing I discovered... it takes a loooong while for issues with the children to surface. Some go off immediately, and others take months to a year. I think this is especially true when it is the adult having issues with the child. In my case, it wasn't until about 4 months ago that M voiced his frustration at how my children don't do exactly as I say as soon as I say it. In our case, I don't think it's insurmountable, but I give it a lot of thought and we've had to actually work on the issue together.

It's easy to overlook dislikes and pet peaves with your SO's children because of the infatuation factor. The infatuation wears off though.

Greengables puts it very well as usual! Heed her advice while still enjoying the new-ness of it all!!

While I do take advice and am proceeding using my brain this time, he is very much different from anybody I've ever dated at all. I spent the last year basically moving into a new home and doing lots of stuff to ready for that and didn't date that much at all really. Just focused on my son and our move.

And there's no rush, but I feel it will happen 100 percent this year. I just know it. We're starting HNHN and might try the at home study course too. So far we're taking the words of the child psychologist we're consulting with to heart also and doing the things suggested.

I doubt anything would happen before we've dated at least six months. I'm just enjoying everything right now and still proceeding ahead with heart and head in check this time.

But I believe 100 percent this year is going to have some exciting things happening. Good, smart, exciting things.

My advice would be to never make any serious commitments in the midst of Infatuation. And with this timeline, that is exactly what you would be doing. So, while there may not be a rush, you would be making a decision that, in the minds of most experts on blending families, is way premature.

You still have not answered a very important question that has been posed to you - why the hurry? Why the rush to have "something" happen this year? I know you are saying you are not rushing, but it doesn't matter what you call it, it's what you do - and making serious commitments within a year of first date, with two sets of kids involved, is the epitome of rushing. Given the past patterns, I think that taking some time, instead of rushing, would be the wiser choice.

JMO, of course, but I do know that MB is littered with people who "rushed" (me being a poster child).

AGG

Hi JP, I also don't see the need to rush things but I would make some wonderful plans for the year ahead which involve bringing both families together. Are your children similar ages?

It's very exciting for you - I do get that! I feel , however, that the more time and preparation you put into getting this right, the greater rewards will be reaped.

How did the first meeting go between your son and boyfriend?

Heck, according to our plans (and his statements) I was supposed to be getting an engagement ring last christmas! (and in hindsite, I can thank God I did not).

He sounds like a great guy, and hurray that he is willing to do the MB series. I think everyone just cares about you and wants you to be careful. Has he had any serious relationships since his marriage ended? I was gekko's first serious relationship and I just know he was all sure and gung ho, etc, etc. for quite some time until he started freaking out, getting scared, etc. when the reality of the situation hit. Bottom line is, he was no where near ready for what I was ready for. And I am the one, my heart is the one, that paid the price.

Just enjoy and lead with your head not your heart. (and I guess do as I say and not as I do LOL but I have learned my lesson there...)

mlhb