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I don't get it.

Why wouldn't you send him here?

~ Marsh

I didn't send him here because my boss really didn't want me discussing anything with him. And initially he didn't want me to tell her abt him calling me. I of course told her anyway.

I didn't want him to begin asking me questions abt her, well, bc she is my boss.

You can give a tourist an address without volunteering to be his personal, minute-by-minute guide!

t&l

Does her H know about the affair?

If not, I would suggest anonymously letting him know. (and I say anonymously only because you said you are worried about it being your boss).

Send him any proof positive that you have.

P.S. Hi Marsh~!! Where ya been?!?!

I'm on IM if you are around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes. You indeed need to in someway let him know that his wife is having an affair.

I find it unusual that HE is talking to you about HIS MARRIAGE, though. That is highly inappropriate and places you in an awkward position. How come you didn't speak up and say that it is not YOUR BUSINESS?

You need to get out of this and keep your relationship with them STRICTLY BUSINESS or find a new job.

What is the nature of your own marital relationship?

====

My first knee-jerk reaction is send him here! My second one is, why is HE calling YOU? Why would a man confide personal, marital problems to a woman (I'm assuming that's what you are) who works underneath his wife? Something is not right with this situation.

Not to mention, why is your boss confiding these kinds of details with you? Forgive me, but it seems very unprofessional, though I write that without having a clue what kind of business you are in or what type of company it is so I could be way off base.

In any event, you are probably disgusted with their behavior (thus posting it here) but at the same time don't want to lose your job. I agree with the anonymous tip - both that she's having an affair and here's where you can find help.

You are letting other people make their personal problems your problems. IMHO, this is an excellent time to "mind your own business", this doesn't affect you personally, only professionally through your job.

Given my situation, I hate A's as much as anyone, but I also know not to stick my nose in other's personal business.

==

How are you certain of this? Because the wife (your boss) said so? Seriously, how do you know this?


This is far more common than a lot of people think. My husband works at a large corporation that is very happy to enable any sort of cheating situation, because this encourages people to stay extra hours in the office (with each other) and to go on frequent business trips away (with each other) from their families.

The Company pays for all of the lunches, dinners and entertainment, not to mention the posh hotel rooms. My husband treats like a perk of his job that he is fully entitled to enjoy - after all, he's "earned" it. A lot of people working there feel the same way, and I know this because I worked there too for over eight years.

I don't work there anymore.


It sounds like she's trying to say she didn't start dating her OM until AFTER this fight, but you can bet your house that they were fighting about the OM that she ALREADY had. And even if her H was "distant", that did not entitle her to do the very thing absolutely guaranteed to wreck any marriage - start dating somebody else.

Again -- please say something to HR. If somebody had spoken up about my husband's reckless and destructive behaviour in the workplace, maybe we would still be a family today. But nobody cared because he earns lots and lots of $$$$$$ for his Company, so the last thing they care about is his family. If keeping a few wh*res on the payroll keeps him happy, that's a very cheap investment for what they get in return from HIM.

Please tell somebody.
Mulan

Doesn't sound so INNOCENT to me. At the least, he's setting you up to snoop for him. He probably suspects something. What a difficult situation for you to be in..YUCK...If I were you, I would definitely figure out someway to OUT her...I wish one of my H's secretaries had clued me in...



GREAT!! How AWFUL of her to try to get you to COLLUDE with her. Is there a higher up that you can anonymously EXPOSE her to or does she OWN the business?

I think this is a very very very touchy issue, ESPECIALLY if you want to keep your job!!

So-- my advice (take it for what it is worth)-- is to send an anoymous letter to H, informing him of the A, and telling him maybe that there are "great resources on the web, to google "marriage saving" or "infidelity" or something like that (MB is one of the first things that pops up on those goggle searches... just point him in the right direction).

And BOW OUT! Tell your boss directly that the personal direction that the conversations have taken is detrimental to the working environment between you and her... and that it makes you feel uncomfortable. And that she should find someone else to confide in, and possible go to IC if she has no one else.

Tell her H the same thing.

Now that you've sort of wrapped yourself up in this, you have to find a way to "exit" without intwining yourself MORE, which I think is a bad idea given this is your BOSS.

While it is despicable what she's doing... at some point you have to watch your own back too.

Just my 2 cents. I really would be very careful about this and try to completely remove yourself from the situation ASAP. This really isn't YOUR affair to break up, and if you continue to stay intwined in it, I really fear for the professional consequences-- even if your intentions are good.

Best of luck!
RIM

MULAN: How are you certain of this? Because the wife (your boss) said so? Seriously, how do you know this?

I know this bc he specifically told me he had been emotionally distant for too long and had taken his wife for granted. He then told me to look out for her that day bc they had gotten in a fight that morning and she was crying and upset when she left.

I know all of this is wrong. I know she is wrong and that most of the things she says at this point are crap. I know it. I didn't come here to take up for her. I came here for advice abt helping her family. If I should? If I should mind my own business? All ideas are welcome and appreciated. I just feel dirty abt it. I feel horrible for her children most of all.

I do appreciate everyone commenting though. It has given me some things to think abt.

Do she and OM work together? If so I would report it to her superior. I would also tell her BH as well. If she fires you, you can sue the dickens out of the company.

At the very least, send him here.

~ Marsh