I am in the process of a divorce... I cheated on him, (yes, I know I am very bad). We were married 10 years and I tried to talk to him repeatedly but never felt like he listened to anything I had to say, or even cared about what I had to say. He moved out 5 months ago and sends me messages that he is going to kill himself and end it all, he has nothing to live for, etc. etc. I try to tell him that he still has his son. I have told him over and over I do not want to take his son from him and any time he wants he can see him. We have not been to court yet, my lawyer has not pushed anything but he has papers he has tried to get him to sign. I haven't received a dime since he left. I've paid for preschool, daycare, etc. Still I haven't held this against him and tell him he can see his son. Now he is telling me that he is going to give up his rights because it is to painful to see me when he comes to get his son. My son misses him and doesn't understand. I don't know how to deal with this. Any suggestions? Please , before you condemn me for what I did, I have enough guilt for 100 people but was just very tired of being married and being very lonely at the same time. I felt like I was just there to hold him togethor and make sure everything gets done. Any time I asked him for help he would tell me he was going to do it but never did. He was very Passive aggressive. I did not want to break up my family but could not ever see myself being happy with this man the way he was.

Are you crazy or is he?

He needs to see a counselor immediately if he is seriously threatening suicide. So contact someone in his family and let them know the sitch.

Depression is hard to handle, and can destroy a marriage. I think depression and PA may go hand in hand.

Harley says that an affair can have an impact on the BS worse than the loss of a child...

So, while I know nothing about crazynuts' story other than this one post, I would suggest that it is not all that unusual for a BS to have tremendous difficulty coping.

It's easy for a WS to shrug and say "ok, fine, I had an affair, why can't he just deal with it?", but believe me, it is usually not that easy for a BS.

If you truly want to help him, how about offering for him to see his son without having to see you? How about giving him some custody, instead of just visitation?

AGG

It's good you have custody since he obviously is highly depressed and threatening suicide. The kids need you to be the strong one at this time.

I don't think an affair was the answer, obviously. Better to divorce first, then go on with another. But you probably already know that. Plus, until you've walked a mile...

Well, we all know the saying.

I would say try having a grandparent or someone you trust drive the kids over to his place if you still think it's a safe place for them to be when he has visitation.

Best of luck

Are you still having an affair? (this includes having the OM wait on the back burner until your divorce is final so you can pick up where you left off...)

Perhaps your ex needs MORE time with this child to keep himself busy and give him a purpose. What were your roles (with regards to child rearing) prior to your affair and subsequent filing for divorce?