eye,
Thank you for your input I am not looking forward to it but if this is the way it has to be I am trying to tell myself that I will not be the bad guy - She asked me to come back and I have asked her that we did not do the recovery so well after the "honeymoon" period but she came back after I did a partial exposure in Dec. 06

I hope your children are doing well, I have protected my W from anything that she has caused and owned all I have done that was not in the best interests of our family so they will know that I have always leveled with them.

I too am concerned that thismay push her further, But this time it will be nuclear and I have lost her so many times since Oct 2006 and I will be able to live with myself.

Good luck and God Bless you as well!

Newdg,

Initially she will throw all kinds of stuff your way, be prepared. She will say she would have tried to rebuild but you ruined it my exposing, you told the kids to use it against her, etc, etc. She will use the blame game, don't fall for it.

Have you read eyeofthestorm's thread? You might find helpful info in there on what to say to her when she starts spewing at you.

LC

I had caught Eyes thread b/f name change, I am hopeful that she may have an awakening but wont hold my breath.

So far she seems like she will be keeping her appt w/ SH on Monday but there are many hours between then and now.

I did a half baked Plan A and exposure in Dec. 06 but was not emotionally strong enough to stand strong, This time I am really working hard to attaining that goal.

I heard all the talk, I was going to b/f you did this or did that and as soon as she got me on my heels she turned into Lucy and I was Charlie Brown - She kept pulling the football at the last minute.

She did start asking questions, Which should have been a tip off about whether I exposed to employer or such last time but I didn't out of fear.

I lost her so many times in the last 15 months, Had I stayed on plan when this started I probably wouldn't be here and thelast time I waited too long b/f I got help for myself and only talked to Dr Harley on air.

This time I have contacted SH and am in IC to help keep me grounded, Still struggle here and there but nothing like I did.

You know, Its ironic that one of the first things she mentioned about SH was his religous beliefs - They talked a little about that and it made me say WHAT?

But the fog - Ahh it is hilarious - I posted something in emotional needs earlier about WW's day and she shared that they fired 2 people yesterday for things that seemed trivial.

What will happen when they get the letter, I have saved all cell phone bills from Oct 06 - Feb 08 and I am going to put together a spreadsheet of sorts detailing all calls made during both their working hours - Their shifts offset.

Just hoped to be able to get some thoughts out for today,

WW came home from work around 1:00pm took D to get her 2nd holes for her ears, D called and asked if she should come home or can she play w/ friends. I said go play asked her what Mom was doing for lunch - Nothing she has to go back to work.

Drove to her work, Her car was there so was OM's after not calling my cell phone for over a week she calls and from a work phone, When we reconciled if she was working late I asked her to call from there, I didn't answer and drove down the street.

Texting starts, 1/2 hr or so later WW leaves - I hang out for a few mins. later to see if OM leaves - He doesn't.

Drive home she's there, When she came in the forst time and when I got in the 2nd shes nicer than she has been.

She takes a nap in her new bed (couch) and I go get pizza for S and I, WW says I am going to the neighbors where D is.

Little nervous but I can see 3 houses down and she is there, Her and D didn't get home til midnight and when they come in she seems bubbly - Neighbor did some things w/ WW's hair and makeup - Asked my thoughts and I was honest it didn't fit her.

D asks about new cell phone, We were all supposed to switch to my carrier when WW and D's contract is up, WW says not until May - WW says I have to go take this makeup off.

She again slept on the couch for the last 4-5 days and you know I have to wonder how ignorant waywards think we are, She sleeps with her cell phone like a lifeline.

Got to wonder if she thinks that I am this puppy dog, that is just going to take any bone she throws, I am only waiting until her appt w/SH - I get edgy thinking about exposure b/c I know all waywards get angry and such but she will be beside herself.

When she came in @ 1:00pm yesterday we talked about her day, How hard it was and that only higher ups get a life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Then she mentioned that 2 people were fired on Fri and for what she said seemed like silly reasons, They do have a tendency to fire quickly so I am wondering what will happen when exposure hits whether one or both will be out.

The waiting really stinks, I also wonder if she has been laying groundwork w/ friends, family and such panting me as a bad guy again but other than our 3 arguments since Dec. I have done nothing to bring this on, I am here more than she is, No IB, AO's - I cant say that some of things we have talked about she could perceive as SD's or DJ's but I confronted her w/ proof they were in contact.

Oh well, Just don't have anyone to talk to about this except here.

One other thing, Unless she is @ work - She has been almost to the point of trying to make it look like she is not doing anything - Whenever she goes out she takes one or both kids

dg, I would cut the letter to your in-laws down to ONE PARAGRAPH. Don't write them a novel. he goal is not to express every thought and every detail, but to inform them of the affair and ask for their help.

Tell them you love your wife, want to save your marriage, she has been having an affair with XYZ for 2+ years and ------> ASK FOR THEIR SUGGESTIONS!!<------VERY IMPORTANT!


Change this line to the company VP to: this affair has caused great conflict in our marriage and has brought us to the brink of divorce numerous times because their contact during working hours is being used to further their adulterous affair.

Go back and change the word "relationship" to "AFFAIR" or "ADULTERY." This is not a "relationship," but an adulterous affair.

Melody,
I have a tendency to get windy and the things I spoke of in Jan 07 were a way to show that I own and regret my mistakes and that although there were things that I contributed to I am honest and straight forward and that no matter what I contributed to that in no way is the A acceptable.

I will make the changes to the VP letter, Thanks.

Now the things that happened, After about 3 months and trying Plan A - Delayed exposure and protecting my W when she asked me to recant my things as a way to control the situation I let my emotions get the better of me, As I said I wanted things to happen in my time frame.

One night - I came home and we got into a heated discussion of her lack of willingness and the overall state we were finding ourselves that I grabbed her cell phone and called OM - After she would not talk to him I threw it against a wall.

2 days later, I really messed up, Tried to lay ground rules that if she wasn't committing to M, That we split everything 50/50 until she made up her mind - She got adamant and told me No - You are the father and I will not pay for anything more than I have been. So much for the committment that I had been showing and the support of my inlaws and others where I let my frustrations boil over andtold her to leave our bed.

She got a surly attitude and I grabbed her ankles and tried to remove her from our bed.

IC says that while nothing condones the actions she believes that I was frustrated but still realizing that it was not like I was so out of control that I completely lost it.

I am very ashamed of that and have dealt with that through IC - And as much as it pains me to write that here or anywhere that I wanted to show contrition and responsibility that no matter what anyone says or does one person cannot do that to another.

You know, I tell my children that its beeter to walk away and that nothing is worth getting to that point.

I truly hope that I do not alienate anyone, It was regrettable choice I made in the moment and know that it can never happen.

Part of me wonders if WW is waiting forme to fail again, That is why she asks for mediated D, b/c in essence those instances along after that I moved to the family room and eventually moved out at request of my WW under the guise of working on things only for her to file for D 11 days later and then her terminating proceedings can be viewed as forgiveness?

She listed in the D papers, that I left the marital bed, that I left the marital residence, That caused her weight loss.

She moved out of the marital bed in Oct 06 returned in Dec 06, She retained an atty for LSA but demanded the world and I was under no obligation to answer per atty.
6 days after I was given LSA, She came to me and asked what if I made a mistake only to retract it the next day.

Then asking me to leave so that we could date and that she wanted our M to work only to file 11 days later.

She comes back after all that and admitted to her A I dont think completely but enough for me to want to put faith in her and she instead of taking atty's advice and putting a hold on things pushed to have proceedings terminated.

Now when we hit a rough patch, Especially when our takers clashed that she did what I should have expected by showing trust and faith in her and allowing her to stay working there.

She has had a tough time keeping jobs b/c of a superior attitude, It only shows when she has to take directions from females - No problems with males also she has always in our M and b/f we were married had very few close R's with females.

I expect some will be disappointed here w/ the things I have done but I am working hard on myself and will never let myself, my children or my W down again with detrimental actions due to momentary frustrations.

Now if I could just also say the right things or learn to stop until the frustrations subside when we get to the point we get during disagreements then I would be who she needs and I need to be for myself as well my W and our family.

That is also why I did not hesitate to contact SH this time, I have shared everything w/ him and he still believes he has a plan for us and that we can not have just a good M but a great M with him guiding us.

I wonder if you are not overreacting to this incident somewhat. People who are being cruelly abused do tend to lash out at times. Why keep bringing this up when you have apologized for it? Apologize and move on, dg. I think your OVER reaction to this incident has given your wife AMMUNITION to use against you.

You know I have a tendency to dwell on mistakes b/c I should know better, B/f I confirmed contact again and when we were going through this b/f I said to my WW that her A is abuse and she blows it off.

I know its the "fog" but she shows no emotion concerning the A - She did upon reconciling but in 06 and now she seems to be justifying it and I think she feels if she says there isn't anything physical now or that she recanted what she said she allows herself to think that an EA is not really an A.

Last year after exposure, She sat through church services reading scripture on things like bearing false witness and similiar issues.

I believe as other have that she also needs IC, I have done things in our M but she has something buried so deep inside and no matter how hard I try to reach her she refuses to help herself.

Now she just keeps saying that M's should not be so hard, She doesn't see herself as R/M material - If not why is she letting herself be validated by someone whom she villified to me just a few months ago?

When I asked her why things fell apart, She said he had a lot of baggage, talked about his problems, was not there for her, had anger issues worse than mine, had so much stuff.

When we got back together I noticed that after I moved out, Their phone conversations dwindled and she was calling him not the other way around.

She seemed to come back around after D found a womans name and cell # on my phone during time they were with me.

I found her on Reunion.com and we contacted each other where in one of her emails, She mentioned that she didn't want to ruin anything if I was moving on.

I am so feeling that I think of so much, How can she live with herself in the times where her mind is idle?

Maybe its too much to ask from her to think of those things, But if her children are as important to her as she says how can she justify what is going on again?

New draft to the inlaws:

Mom and Dad,

As much as I wish I didn't have to write this I feel I have been left no choice, When WW and I reconciled in Sept. we gave each other transparency in everything. We had hit a few bumps in the last month or so and WW had become emotionally distant.

We shared much between each other what happened last year, And WW freely admitted that what I had shared with you about her affair with OM POS starting in 2006 was true. When details were posted of her cell phone activity it was proven that she again sought out this person, Since she worked hard to get where she has I did not ask her to leave her job against advice from a renowned marriage counselor.

We have both broken promises to one another since Sept, although I don't believe that giving up on our marriage and family would be in the best interests for any of us. Since I asked her about the cell phone activity she has locked me out of her cell acct and increased her emotional distance.
Started sleeping on the couch and grudgingly speaking with a marriage counselor I enlisted who believes he can help us achieve not only a good but great marriage.

It pains me bringing this news to you and am asking for any help or suggestions you may have, I would be happy to answer any questions you have of me.
I have really tried to be what WW says she needed from when we got back together and she had been doing that as well until recently but whatever has happened should not have allowed this affair to reignite.

Love and Respect
BS

Hey DG, hang in there Bud!



It's in the WS handbook...and I quote: "Your Cell phone is your link to freedom and happiness! When you can't be in the loving arms of OP, take solace in the fact that you can continue to maintain your constant connection with them 24/7 even when being forced to actually in the presence of your loving BS and your children "...or words to that effect.

I agree w/ ML and you need to cut down your letter(s) significantly. (Hi kettle, pot calling... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

(and I mean ME, not ML...)

The ILs don't need a full recounting of past history or transgressions...you'll lose them. I'd focus more on the facts, and your committment to the marriage.

One or two short paras should do it.

Thanks L2F

This is my haven, Just went for a long drive and you know what no matter what happens I know I will be ok.

I was thinking that no one could love each other like we have and we both have been there to pick up each others pieces when we have been broken.

This time I will wait, She will see that my love and care for our M and family is strong.

If the day comes that it doesn't happen, No regrets.

I am full of love and even though as Dr. Harley says we are our spouses greatest source of happiness and can be their greatest source of unhappiness.

I love my wife, my children and the life we have shared but I cant make her change her mind she has to do that.

I only hope she thinks as deeply as I do sometimes, And if it doesn't work out like I hope and I heal myself there will be a point in time where my love will be appreciated!

I am so hoping she keeps me from exposure, It will hurt all of us and I am tired of hurting but I am in a better place than I have ever been.

I know I can survive, Do I want to live w/o her NO! But damn she is more stubborn than a mule in the Grand Canyon looking for water in the dry season!

I wish I didn't try to think what she's thinking, I keep relating to Charlottes thread with Mr Grey and how come we have to endure like this when we love!

I don't think exposure will work anymore, We talked last night and things went downhill and I guess it was just a matter of time b/f I got overwhelmed and she said she would not talk w/ SH today.

I messed up again, I thought I had a plan and was trying to stay to it until after hitting the road block.

I feel so stupid, I took a kitchen knife and walked into the bedroom and she called the police, I went voluntarily to be checked out and the ER psych cleared me and said I was depressed.

The kids know about the OM, But D believes W and S is upset.

I called the IC to try to get something for me as well as getting the kids in.

ER psych asked W if she was willing to continue working w/ SH and seeing my IC - He also said to both of us that we have so much invested that he thinks we should try to work through things, Said D was costly and time consuming.

I understand if people don't want to respond, I really thought I was making progress with myself but the emotional turmoil just got to me.

I just wanted her to know how much all of this has affected me and meant no harm to myself. I cannot believe I let my children, myself, all of you here who know how painful this is and she just acts like nothing is her fault and then I go and reinforce that.

I stayed home with the kids b/c school was cancelled and we all talked, It is so unbelievable that WW has D convinced that everything is not what is seemed. D said about the person I met after WW filed for D was wrong b/c I was married.

D said that WW and OM are just friends from work, I had to say that I was introduced to other male friends but this one I was not, She felt that she had to hide things.

D said WW cant even get text on her phone (too old) but I couldn't show her the proof that I see the texts he sends her, That they stopped talking until recently where it resumed.

I hope WW is happy, I know from all I have read that they can be so cruel and that emotionally I was not strong enough, I used to think that it was a good thing to be a man of feelings but am beginning to wish that I did not care about things as much as I do.

I believe SH, my IC, the one or two people I talk to and the board here knows she is lying.

I felt after she filed for D that WW has many narcissitic tendencies and shared that with my mother, They said that in several months we would be back here b/c WW refuses to see the depth of her issues.

Lying, superiority, workaholic, a big need to please for admiration.

I am sorry that I let all here down as well, I could not keep the battle up and probably have lost the war.

NDG you need to slow down man.

First thing I suggest you learn to do real quick is to shut up and walk away! You are not going to convince her to come back to you as long as the A is going on, so by walking into the room with a knife and making it look like you're going to hurt yourself did not help your cause.

You sound allot like me when I first got here. Wanting to find that magic word that would fix everything. It will not happen.

Now about the kids. It sound like the 13 yo is being used as a pawn in all of this. Don't fall into that trap of he said, she said. You said your peace now let it go. As far as exposing to your family, why are you writing letters? This is your family, get on the phone and tell them what's going on.

You my friend are concentrating on the wrong things.

1- What are the EN you weren’t meeting, and are you in a position to meet any of them now.
2- NO LBs, and yes threatening D, or pulling a knife on yourself are LBs.
3- Exposure...now!
4- Know your enemy. What do you know about this guy? Can you expose to anybody he knows.

You can only control what you do. This is what I needed to understand when this mess started for me and it sounds like you're in the same boat.

I like you, was a complete mess and didn’t know what to do other than want to do anything the might have a chance of changing her mind. Read my thread, the advice I got was invaluable.

I will shut up, I tried setting boundaries such as at least calling but she only does it when she is trying to throw me off.

She had used our D the last time as well, Whether it was telling her that I was looking for things, where I was going or what was said. I know last night was totally wrong and that is a big LB to overcome, Its just that living in this all over again is really hard.

She just came in and said she spoke w/ SH but that he did not say much, Did ask her about the A and OM but what good does it do, Not just about the A but so many things that she lies about - How can someone just continually lie get caught in it and still maintain the position.

I was calm about everything when we talked but I had to say that when I spoke witho our children today that I was honest with them, That Mom introduced me to other guys from work but chose to keep this a secret, that she admitted to me before I came home that I was right about the A.

I also let her know w/o tipping my hand that I know she lied about not being able to text message him, that b/f she locked me out of her cell acct that I saw an exchange between them.

She still does not know that all of her incoming text messages from him are forwarded to am email acct, The latest one @ 5:00pm ET from him saying "Im leaving".

I mentioned to her again as I did when we met @ a place where we both worked, She was in the process of breaking up w/ a BF and there was an emotional attachment between us but we were only friends until it was over so that I do feel some similarity. She just didn't admit to an EA w/ him when I moved back, She admitted to a PA and for months answered questions.

She also at that time said she would leave there but didnt and now its back in full bloom, She was filled w/ something when we got back together whether he dumped her, she felt used or something?

She agreed to attend a session w/ my IC who also counsels couples and relayed she is pro M, WW agreed to speak w/ SH but what good is any of it if she can't be honest w/ herself.

Last week when we talked after I confronted her w/ cell activity it seemed like she admitted to being in the A.

I was going to write the letters b/c I hate that we find ourselves here again, I hate that some of things I contributed to and had their support the last time until we fell further.

Now I feel like some crazy guy with what happened, Right now it feels like the only allies I have are my children.

She will not let me meet any EN other than leaving her alone, being here for the kids but even that doesn't seem to matter. The only thing she does is talk about work and I listen, mirror, validate and show concern.

OM is really a POS, Twice D'ed and doesnt do anything it seems other than work himself, from what WW said when we got back together he has strained R's with his family, seems kind of a loner maybe like WW in a way b/c she does not have close female friends and never really has, she is fulfilled or defined by work.

I am waiting for SH's advice, They spoke today and she said he asked about the OM or in general any OM whether they kissed or she thought about kissing anyone - He told me to hold the course in my last session but she is so passive/aggessive in this and what the heck is he getting out of this, They don't seem to be anywhere but work and talking on the phone or texting now.

I have just tried to be here, Just tried to get any time w/ her, I dont say ILY all the time anymore like I was, let her know that I am always here for here no matter what, that I can and want to forgive.

My S asked when we were talking, "Dad do you think were going to make it" I said only that I hope we do and he said "Me too" WW was sitting there.

I am spending money w/ SH very fast and we will be in a financial mess but money isnt the object, Also our house needs more work and the market is soft, if she continues like this we will lose everything and the kids will get hurt by that as well and she needs a new car, so I have to wonder when she sits with herself if she is wondering what she has contributed to this mess for what?

I know what I contributed to and have tried working on things, I was doing well to detach until she does things to get to me, I am reading your thread and thanks for stopping by.

Part of me felt I should leave here but this is the only support I have other than one person but helives far away and has his own issues w/ inlaws, niece living with them and work so I dont get much from that.

The weekends really take their toll, Yesterday was hard b/c she seemed all upbeat on Sat. b/c they both worked, BUt yesterday was like an addict looking for a fix all mopey and depressed.

Have I totally alienated everyone here? I am sorry if I have let anyone down!

I have just put a spreadsheet together of cell bills from 10/06 - 2/08 and I don't know what to make of things.

From 10/20/06 - 12/19/06 There were 31 phone calls made from W's cell to either his cell or home #

From 1/5/07 - 1/29/07 - 14 phone calls from her to him

Nothing from 1/29/07 until 3/8/07 and from 3/8/07 - 3/30/07
11 calls from her to him

From 4/20/07 - 8/19/07 - 7 calls from her to him and 1 from him to her and then she called him again on 2/3/08

On 2/3/08 I noticed she set up text messaging and the only contact is or was him, Up until sometime in mid 2007 there was no way to track incoming calls from anyone.

Somewhere after 1/07 was when she started asking for Separation - I got the LSA papers on 3/14/07 and on 3/19/07 she came and asked what if she made a mistake, We had maybe 8 - 12 hours of that and she pulled back.

In May I said if she would have the papers rewritten fairly I would sign, Did not happen but I still prepared to move, All the while she was saying me moving would be a way for us to work on things and I left 6/8/07 - 11 days later she filed for a D.

No real contact other than me picking up my kids, I was served 7/19/07 and dragged my feet, Hand delivered my response on our anniversary 8/7/07 and the only contact I made w/ her was sending an innocent card by mail on our anniversary.

After hand delivering the summons, On the 8/24/07 I sat down with my children individually and told them to expect that we were getting D'ed and that is not what I wanted.
Sometime after that I had started to see someone and D12 found her # on my cell phone and gave it to W, Who called the # and asked for me - In early Sept we started corresponding somewhat by email until I had my kids for the weekend 0f the 7th - 9th - I took them to get cards for their Mom and got one for her from me.

After D12 gave her the card she came back to apt and asked for forgiveness and I never slept in the apt again.

During that time she said that what I had suspected was true, Gave details of a time shortly after she filed of being with him physically and answered questions, offered to leave her job but did not.

Everything was fine until 1/14/08 after 2 stressful arguments first in mid Dec where I issued ultimatum about leaving job to which she replied dont make me choose you won't like it, We got over that until we had another disagreement with her going dancing at a singles club with a married neighbor although again we talked later that night and everything seemed fine.

On 1/14/08 we sat down to discuss some things and she relayed that she had a confession, She lied about her A with OM and she felt bad, She wanted to apologize to him and for a week said she was mad at herself for lying.

She was shutting down emotionally and physically to me and in frustration on 1/20/08 after a argument where we both LBed I in frustration said divorce, I didn't mean it just wanted to stop the withdraw (stupid I know)

From that point on everything snowballed and she wants a D, Until I got Jan. cell bill and noticed she contacted him at home on 2/3/08 twice for a total of 29 mins, Also found that he got a new cell and they set up texting, Her only contact is/was him.

She deleted him and the next day locked me out of her cell acct, Before I was locked out I set up forwarding for incoming texts to go to an email acct I have and 15 text messages from him to her but nothing substantial to read into but she told me she was having NC other than working in the same building.

Still after each of us had 2 sessions w/ SH she does not want to do anything and on 2/6/08 starts sleeping on the couch.

I just don't know what to believe, She always got along better w/ men than women and really does not have a GF to talk with but I felt she was telling the truth in Sept.

Please I could use opinions, I am waiting to hear from SH about is thoughts but I was getting things for exposure and I don't what to think anymore.

I only caught them together once at his house in 12/06 and have not found any other evidence. I used checkmate on some items during that month also and negative.

This has been the only person that she has kept me from meeting or talking to.

My thoughts:

She is lying about her contact with the OM. It likely was, and is, a full-blown A. She's doing the denial thing to make YOUR adultery look like the prime cause for separation and D.

Suggest a lie-detection test - for both of you to perform. She gets to choose questions for you, and vice-versa.

MIM,

I was thinking of that, When I step back from things and look hard it is easy to see whats happening but she has such a history of lying even b/f the A.

I admit that I should have known better concerning getting involved with someone b/f D was certain or final and time to heal, Along with knowing all I know.

I hate that I let things get to me, Even though I have made huge mistakes that something has to ring true to someone besides people here or a few others.

From all I have read, Waywards can be very cruel but it's hard to fathom someone you have trusted, The children and with that I mean how can she even think if she got out of our M that if she took this further that they would not have resentment and other issues.

I started thinking of more things that even though I have certainly made "HUGE" mistakes that if it gets to a point of her pushing for a D that things will not look good.

I have always been honest, Even when I had to retain an atty she had the gall of accusing me of lying when I answered the summons, On the advice of the atty I denied but was truthful to him and we were not fighting about a whole lot.

She can't seem to think that people will just look at her in this as being saintly.

She admitted to the A in Sept, Gave transparency, I have emails from her in the following weeks of saying that she just wanted to be truthful that this was a second chance for her, She pushed for us to move right back together, When I left I did not take util. out of my name, paid CS on time.

She got me to leave under false pretenses and used it against me, She had over 1k of car repair bills, mortgage was behind she even went so far as asking our children to lie to me about summer babysitting, I was paying her half of what she said it cost and she was only taking them there on days when I would have them and my 10 y/o slipped and I could go on.

I never besmirched her to our children, The only part of transparency she has taken from me is my ability to see cell details, she moved from the marital bed b/f my emotional collapse, both of our children have known b/f that all I have been saying is that I want us to make it and that I was willing to do my part.

I contacted SH, got some IC, Since this all started other than my depression I have been at the home with the children, committed to doing whatever.

Its mind numbing sometimes, I have phone messages on my cell phone from 1/8/08 and 1/18/08 of her expressfully saying she loves me etc.

Along with when we started discussing things, After all these months of saying she had the A, to come to me and not only say she lied but that she felt a need to aplogize to OM is out of this world.

I am committed to this M although I need to do a better job on me first so that I can stay strong through this fight.

Thanks for your comments, I appreciate it!

Newdg,

When do you talk to SH again?

This next part may sound harsh, but it isn't meant to be.

You need to try to relax and follow what he tells you to do. IOW, stick to your plan. Don't waiver back and forth about exposure. If he tells you to do it, do it and make it big. Don't retreat, you need to find your backbone and fight for your marriage. She is walking on you and you need to stop letting her do that.

Of course your WW is going to be angry and she is going to spew venom, it's part of the script. I can't recall who said it, but I have seen it posted around here many times, "A marriage can survive the anger, but it can't survive if there is an A." or something like that. She will get over the anger, but she will never come back while actively in an A.

You can do this, stay tough and don't let WW bully you.

LC