I have really backed myself into a corner, Atty. says he might be able to get me back into the house at some point although he said I would be walking a tight rope if I went back b/c WW would have an upper hand and I would basically have to walk on water.

As far as the A he says it will not mean a thing in this matter and the only way to bring it up in any form is filing for a D, I am not ready for that and dont want one.

He doesn't understand why I want to stay married to her and right now without being able to see my kids, not being able to expose properly I guess I am forced into Plan B w/o being able to write a letter.

Atty is going to ask for 2 law guardians for my children, Since D is seeming to align with WW and I mentioned that S wants to live with me, WW is asking for CS and atty says that I should cancel everything in my name, I didn't want to do this but I have not paid this months mortgage in part b/c of the many sessions w/ SH - I was going to pay until the R/O.

I have been doing some blogging on the myspace acct and wanted to gather opinions, I was being vague in yesterdays blogs so that only the ones who are involved would know but today I mentioned the OM's name, town where he lives and place of employment - Called him a cancer although due to R/O I did not mention the word infidelity, my WW's name but it can be construed very easily what I was talking about.

My question is, Can it be slander or anything illegal and isn't freedom of speech in play here? If he wanted to pursue something wouldn't he be opening himself up to having to defend himself and/or incriminating himself?

I know what has been going on and so do many people, I thought it was weird that texting seemed to stop yesterday but it didn't - 3 text messages came through one saying Happy VD, Another sorry I haven't talked been busy, the last saying Ill call you later if I dont fall asleep.

Not even sure I can use the ones after the R/O went into effect?

Also atty. said WW even with everything does not have sufficient grounds for D? Thats new - Previous atty I used said if she wanted one she would most likely get one but new atty says different?

My heart just sank, I don't know if I can use anything that I am gathering or not, I set up in her cell acct b/f she locked me out to forward any text messages from OM to WW.

The R/O really stinks now, I would have had something to finally put this thing out in the open, A text just came through from him " On lunch want 2 run out and screw"

Throwing away all of our lives, For someone to be that crass I feel like garbage right now - I am wondering if it would be a invasion of privacy but I set it up b/f she locked me out so in a sense I had permission just verbally between us.

The only thing I can do right now is to continue blogging on myspace with hopes that someone will read it.

Its not contact in any way, I did erase his last name but left enough of it in for people who know things to figure it out.

I also changed my heading, Yesterday I put in that I miss my children and I love them - I added to it today something subtle.

"Friday's can be very busy Hopefully lunch didn't get "screwed" over - I am so regretting messing this up again!

I must have piqued someones curiousity through website I found to report things at WW's company.

I mentioned in my follow up to theirs that there may be misuse of company time, resources and that they are using text messaging and cell phones during work to furhter this.

I sent anonymously only for the fact of the R/O, The person responded by saying

"I was wondering if you could be more specific. Does this involve the employee and a supervisor? Or two employees, neither of whom is a supervisor or manager of the company? Also, you indicated that you are not an employee here. How is it that you seem to have specific details of this situation? Thank you."

I dont know how to proceed with this, In light of my current situation?

You didn't give their NAMES?? What was the point of emailing them?

I dont know yet if in some way that the R/O would be in effect, I am trying to do this legally as well.

I also have gathered more substantial proof that it is more than just an EA - I need to do this right and I played into her hands but soon her world will crash down it's just going to take more time and also I need to stay strong so that I can keep my kids away from OM pos.

ok, why did you email them, newdg? I don't understand what you are doing or WHY. If you are going to expose, then you have TO GIVE THE NAMES OF THE AFFAIREES. Or there is NO POINT. EXPOSE MEANS TO EXPOSE, not keep SECRET.

And if you were going to do this anonymously, then the RO would not be relevant.

I am confused about why you would email them if you weren't going to give them the facts. What would be the point?

That is a great thread for newdg, IMO, Pep. The key to success, dg is to be STRATEGIC rather than EMOTIONAL. Your emotions are your greatest enemy in this WAR and have served you poorly and almost brought you to ruin.

Thanks for the link, I haven't had much access to the net and just got back from meeting w/ atty.
He won't guarantee that I can get back in the house, So hopefully that is good news and he will be asking for a law guardian for our children.

I am still getting text messages and they are vile and crude, OM is a real POS the way he talks to my WW is unbelievable and if I could share anything w/ people that care about WW they would be absolutely disgusted.

WW had the nerve to speak of SH's religious background, Also when I asked her about meeting w/ my IC she asked about hers as well.

I was not out of the house for more than 36 - 48 hrs and she was running over to the OM's house to have sex, He even sent a text during work saying he was on lunch want to go screw?

IC is sending something to atty. today, Atty says not much can be done yet about the text messaging until the law guardian is on board or it moves to D.

I can continue to blog, But I hope I didn't mess up by asking neighbor to be added to my friend list, I can talk if people search me out just can't search them out.

Some of this garbage WW has done will hopefully trip her up, In last years D filing she says I wrongly accused her of an A but recent text messages show that she lied.

If D becomes inevitable, I will have good grounds to bar OM from any contact w/ my children, WW said his past was checkered - 3 M's his legal issues and WW also said something in Nov or Dec that he was having custody or visitation issues as well.

Its amazing that WW and D could call the person I got involved with in Aug after D proceedings and D said
"you were married" - I know it was wrong but for WW to always make me the bad guy is absurd.

Trying to remain calm and grounded but not sleeping doesnt help and too much time on my hands, I had focused so much on WW, M and family that I had to mend some fences.

People still don't understand why I want to stay married, But I can't give up yet.

I can't believe I forgot to ask atty about the anonymous exsposure at WW's job. I am sure even though they say it's anonymous that WW would tell them where it came from and not sure what the consequences of that would be to the R/O.

If I can get back in, I know it would throw a wrench into their A, She would have to tone down her off work activities although I would have to be on my best behavior but I feel I can do that especially if I am around the kids.

If the IL's take WW side and ask me anything then that will open up the door to exposure with the text messages since they leave nothing to interpret.

I also wonder if she would be willing to perjure herself under oath? If the A comes up tomorrow and she denies I am wondering if she could get in trouble?

Might have had one of those aha moments, IC mentioned it and I have been reading some old threads as well as some advice that Catperson and others have.

I turned into to a puppy dog again, Hopefully I can get back in the house tomorrow - That will show her I am not a push over although I hope I dont have to give up my secret weapon in this - My intercepting his texts but he is seems to talk crudely to her more than he does nice.

He was looking for a piece and when she was late his text was "wtf r u" I mean cmon - I was treating her nicely and had a couple of blips but when I started to feel her slipping I kept trying to pull her back with niceties.

I will focus on the kids, She will see I have retained a good atty and fighting for custody and if I have to that he will never be allowed around them.

Then I will focus on my time w/ them, Do my lamenting to IC and hopefully remain strong yet caring - Sounds like a tall order - I should have not waited for her to engage w/ SH and just exposed, as usual the conflict avoidance bit me but I do have the text!

Pushed myself back again although if she files for D the text stuff will come out, along with phone records dating back to Oct 06 tapering off during the summer of 07 - With NC until Feb 08.

I let a lot of triggers get to me during the holidays, But when we get this chance again - NC, IC for both, MC and/or family C find a new job or really I will be done and I am hopeful that 50/50 custody or S wanting to live with me will shake her b/c I do have ammo for custody now, She will not live off my dime w/ OM pos if I can help it!

All my other proof was just phone records now I have his words and hopefully the implied sexual stuff will play well on my behalf.

Well, I will probably be moving to the divorce board.

Had our R/O hearing and she wants a 1 yr order of protection but I got visitation w/ my children and am going to look at an apt this afternoon.

Getting a 2 br and I asked for as much time w/ my kids as I can get so if I get into the apt soon I will have them overnights and I will be in the same school district so that eventually I can get 50/50 custody no CS.

Going to let the house foreclose I believe, WW is in such a fog that I have to go to Plan B or D, I tried calling my kids but havent heard from them yet.

Atty. said that WW and I can communicate on financial matters as well as matters of the children by phone and I said I would rather have it done by email for records purposes, Besides she still does not know that I have been getting the text messages he sends to her which are graphic and would help me attain my time w/ my children

I sought out MC and IC, So when and if it moves to D that at least I will be in a good place. I learned from my mistakes and my children are very important to me and if I can be a part of their life as much as possible and heal then if we reconcile that will be good, If not then I will be a good partner for someone someday but not like last time.

I wont get involved with anyone for a long while, I need to heal myself and our children.

I haven't been on for a few days, Could use some advice if anyone is still following.
Don't really want to move to the D board yet but looking inevitable.

WW still does not realize I intercept OM's text messages, My atty. does not want to expose anonymously for legal reasons - Also I may initiate D proceedings with everything that has come about.

She is using the R/O as a way to control her A, I have to be on my best behavior and contact is limited to concerns of finances or children, Atty's said it was ok to use the phone but I have preferred email for documentation purposes.

I talk to my kids everyday, Saw them last night for a few hours showed them the apt. I secured and went to my Moms.

Went to get takeout and S11 went w/ me, Left his cell phone with D12, While we were out S asked whether we were just splitting up or D'ing - I only said I didn't know and we would talk about it later.

We also discussed that WW showed kids the R/O and S asked if I had to carry one also and that he knew I have to be 1000 ft from WW, We also talked about how he wanted to live w/ me and his reason for saying so was he didn't want me to be lonely and relayed that to atty. today and he asked me to gently persuade him to w/o being overt.

I have to hold off on apt even though they accepted me right away for financial reasons and I want to secure 50/50 custody for 2 reasons 1 - I love my children and wnat to be an integral part of their life and 2 - I do not want to fund her A.

Right now only temp. custody has been awarded, No support set yet so atty. advised to take everything I can out of my name and to not pay the mortgage since I don't live there.

Things must be happening although they seem to be as strong as ever in the A, Although now I can prove that it has been going on for some time - An intercepted text message from him last night said " I tried 2 tell u, u didn't know what you were getting into, u said I was bad 4 u"

She must have broken it off, Also during my visit w/ the kids my D used S's cel phone to text and she tried to lie saying she didn't but I proved it to her and while I looked at the sent messages there were 2 to WW - One innocent and one which made my blood boil - "R U texting OM"

D is so aligned with WW and had said - Dad, Mom cant text her phone is too old b/f the R/O - I am trying to get my ducks in a row to prove WW does not have their interests at heart and especially using D12 to achieve things.

If WW isn't careful she could lose them herself - Atty. wants a law guardian appointed - It stinks having to wait and especially knowing I let them down by getting caught up in our R/M stuff but now have to do what I can to control the damage and give WW reality.

We are now 1 month behind in mortgage, I have stopped direct deposit and liquidating assets in banks.

This is so incredulous that she would allow this to happen and that I was so focused on saving everything that I can't be in a better position.

newdg,

It may just be my real life bleeding over to here, but I think its disgusting the way you are purposefully defaulting on your mortgage. This is YOUR obligation, jointly and severely, regardless of what your WW does. In fact, your actions are no better than hers, in that you are failing to live up to your obligations, which will ultimately be detrimental to your family.

Very "Bad Faith" actions on your part!!!

I am not intentionally defaulting on the mortgage, I was unable to pay in Feb due to many sessions w/ SH.

Atty. advised that I don't pay the mortgage since I am not living there and that I have to come up with 1st months rent and SSecurity deposit - We can get current when support is settled.

I hate atty's but I have no options, I dont want to default and have called the mortgage company to explain the situation so they are aware of this and are going to get back to me concerning options.

I should have tried to explain it better in the first place sorry if I mislead or upset things, I dont have much time or access to net anymore.

WW has more than enough money to make it current but she is cake eating and I have to pay thousands in legal fees, I have the option of using my 401k to keep the house from foreclusre as well, She needs to see reality that her actions from the past 16 months or so have severely harmed many not just one person

I truly apologize if you were offended, I can understand you position.

I'm sorry about the M.

My best advice is that, every step you take needs to be above board, completely legitimate and legal, and honorable. If you're going to not pay the mortgage, you should let her know ahead of time that you will no longer pay it, so that she can try to do so, if she chooses. Getting kicked out of the house will earn you no points with your kids. You know she will tell them it's your fault.

Keep being the person who looks more honorable; the kids will figure it out. As for your daughter, she is at the age where her father figure is very important - either as a good example or a bad example. Be the good example, so that she doesn't chuck everything and rebel against you. She won't really be affecting you, she'll be affecting herself (cussing, sex, drugs, clothing, drinking, promiscuous behavior); but subconsciously, it is an act against you. So try your best to be the adult - calm, understanding, empathic, honorable, sad, missing her, loving her...all the best traits. She needs to see them in you, so she won't subconsciously take the hate/hurt onto herself. Plenty of books out there on this subject.

And your son needs to see you do the right thing, because he will grow up to be a carbon copy of you.

It is the calm, smart person who will prevail here with the kids. Maybe not in the next five years or so, but once they grow up, it will be YOU they will always turn to, if you take the high road.

I'm not offended, you have done nothing to me, what I am is disgusted. I've heard the same lame and empty excuses from borrowers for the past 26 years.

... and yes, if you chose to pay a MC before paying your mortgage, you INTENTIONALLY defaulted on your mortgage ... it was a conscious decision on your part.

Also, you are foolish for taking financial advice from your attorney (Sorry Mr.W), because finances are not likely his specialty. He's telling you what to do to better position yourself against your WW in a divorce settlement right now, but its of no concern to him if you can buy another house (or even rent an apartment) to live in after the D, due to your poor credit.

It all comes down to basic honesty. You signed a PROMISSORY NOTE, promising to pay your payments in a timely manner, and now through no fault of your creditor, you are unilaterally changing the terms of your PROMISE.

Just how is your breach of your promise to your creditor any different than your WW's breach of her wedding vows to you??? Think about that!!!

I ultimately want to keep the house and my credit, I looked into taking a chunk of my 401k to do so but can't without something happening.

It wasn't the MC but the atty. retainer, I to have been disgusted over the years from bankruptcy and such and it is not my intent to do so now - I was only trying to get her to see the consequences of her actions and I cannot have contact with her other than finances and children, So far any time I talk finances she ignores them.

I explained my position to the mortgage holder, They were going to give me guidance to avoid things but if the only way I can save everything is using my 401k then I have to let things get to a point that I can access those funds.

I am trying to take the high road, Trying to be the light for my children and wouldn't want that for them, my WW or myself.

I had every intention of paying for MC and mortgage and still have every intention of honoring my note and my family for 16+ months I have done tried to do the right thing and don't intend to stop now its just harder to do anything than it has - Believe me if I could put it up for sale or something else I would but I can only go there to pick up my kids - Other than that I can't be near the place w/o a police officer and there is no reason to upset anything more b/f the next hearing.

Again, If the mortgage company has other options I am open to listening, I can't access 401k money w/o something happening and that would be the only way - They sounded like they would be able to come up with something workable since they said they have seen this before.

I also had said to WW many times that I would go broke, to keep the house and our credit and I am trying to do everything I can that is right for my kids and for other reasons - She doesn't know that I contacted the mortgage company concerning this and I am not going to tell her so that she feels comfortable in her choices.

newdg,

Here comes the 2x4, but this is no different that the underlying theme of your whole thread ... you say one thing, but your actions (or inactions) don't match your words.

Honestly, you are wasting your time here because all you have done is make excuses for why you can't take this advice or why this strategy won't work in your situation, etc. You appear to need much more in depth therapy than you can receive from an anonymous internet forum.