Well I'm offended. I lost my home through no fault of my own (house was in my name). But you know what? It was only a house, a building. And as far as the bank was concerned... they got their money. They sold my "home" in an auction. They may have gotten less than the exhorbiant interest rate they would have gotten had I been able to continue my loan, but that's wasn't my problem.

Did it hurt my credit? Yes. Has it stopped me from renting a beautiful town home or buying new cars? No. And the bank that foreclosed? They probably don't even remember my name.

Sheesh. My sister is in collections too and she has the same hardened attitude that you do. She doesn't believe anyone... acting like it's HER money on the line and not the company that she works for. That disgusts ME.

There ARE situations where foreclosure, defaults and repossessions CAN NOT be helped. Not everyone is a liar.

self deception, entitlement, blame shifting, rewriting history, ... you really are supporting my point ... Thanks.

This site is supposed to be about honoring commitments, ethical behavior, "taking the high road", etc. I thought these values were to be incorporated into every facet of our lives, not just our relationships.

I am seeing an IC, I had chose to stand by someone who has let me down more than once and still willing to stand by her, I tried to see about bankrupting my future and withdrawing my 401k but the new laws won't let me,

I have picked up her pieces a few times before and since this all started, I didn't want things to get where they have.
I have never wanted anyone to pick up my things, I have always done the right things financially she was using my care for her, the kids and everything else to enable her A.

The OM has had a personal bankruptcy and married at least 2 if not 3 - The things I have been guilty of is protecting her from herself and wanting to do right by our children although it hasn't at times and my emotions and fears have not always helped.

When we separated I left everything that was in my name as is, I checked to make sure the mortgage was paid every month.

She started to falter, She let things that I have always had in my name start to go, Spent money on a 2 week vacation to her home state, has an older car and spent almost 1k w/o paying our mechanic and I paid for everything when I came back.

And yes I allowed myself to be put inthis position in a sense but I am still trying to protect everything especially my kids.

I cant get her to talk about the finances, And I know she has over 3k in the bank right now this moment.

I'm kind of offended, too. Banks know that a certain number of borrowers will be unable to pay, they factor that into their decisions on whether or not to loan money. That's why mortgages are secured loans. That's why they get the house, and the homeowner loses any equity he or she has built up in the home.


Not to mention that if you'd sold your house and paid off the note, they'd not have gotten all that interest either. That's the nature of the business.


Since collections agents work on commission, in a sense it IS their money on the line, which is why so many of them break the law using abusive tactics to get people to pay up. Like the agent I heard on the news who offered to forgive the loan if he could have sex with the borrower's wife. That kind of abuse is why there's now a federal law making it illegal for collections agents to call you if you tell them to stop calling.

Lending money is a risk. That's why lenders charge interest in the first place. If it's an unsecured loan, it's up to the lender to minimize their risk by making sure the borrower can afford to pay it. If it's a secured loan, the lender can take back the house or the car and resell it. That's the nature of the game.

Really? And you are supporting mine. Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Exactly. Thanks CC

Sorry for the threadjack newdg...

Sorry for the threadjack newdg...

It's ok, I just needed to get some things out and I didn't mean to start a war, I am trying to scratch together what money I can to do the drastic Plan D, But I need to be above board and operating within my scope.

B/f we got to this point I asked her if she thought it was so easy to move away from everyone and everything you care for to continue her A then to leave me with the kids, bills and house so that I would know that everything is taken care of.

I did a crappy Plan A in 06 - Plan B brought us back but we needed to do more than we did but since I made some mistakes I chose to believe in someone and now we are here.

I am now getting the help I should have gotten b/f and all that can be done is to let her now see the consequences of her choices - What avenue do I have if she wont talk about finances - She barely acknowledges my emails concerning the kids and I wanted to get the taxes done to help me pay for legal fees.

She is sitting on almost 3k and punishing someone who is the father of her children and I can only hope that at least she does know how much they mean to me and wish she would show the same care.

I'm sorry about your new developments and that I didn't respond earlier. I didn't realize you changed your name. The problem wasn't mostly with your plan A (which was a problem), but with ending your plan B and failing to establish NC between her and OM. I think you are on the right track (you need to expose the affair and TM's to her employer, family, and your children), and you should go back to plan B. There is some hope, though, because your plan B had some affect the last time you implemented it. Whatever you do, just know that you will be alright.

Thanks Jim,
I think I will be going to Plan D as soon as I can save enough money, I really think she is cake eating right now and feels she is in the catbird's seat with the R/O.

I am trying to figure this out the best way to go about this - My S11 and I are very close and he has expressed a big interest in living with me and I did expose to my children and I really believe that Yes he does love his mother but I get the sense the home life is very tenuous.

Children are either left alone, her family or neighbors so that she can say she is focusing on work but in reality they spend so much time there that it is sick.

Text messages have dwindled and I feel that they think they are in the clear with me out of the picture, I should have cared more about my children than I did my M so that I wouldn't be going through this now.
Although one that came through over the weekend shows that this isn't just a friendship or new relationship and when it comes out will floor many.

She is trying to get the R/O to a 1yr stay away order for her, Although if I was so unstable the first thing I asked for was calling priveleges and 3 days a week visitation which was given up by her and her atty at the drop of a hat.

She said it was ok to contact her by phone concerning the kids, But as part of Plan B or D, I said to my atty. that I would only contact her by email so that there is documented things.

He wants to hold on to the text messages until we get a law guardian actually he wants one for each b/c of D12 aligning with WW - Atty says for the most part I am doing the right things by them which hopefully will go a long way.

Whether I get the M back my children are so very important to me and even though she does things that look good to the outside - I am more of the nurturer and the disciplinarian where as she is really trying to be friends w/ D12 and I fear that S11 is having a tough time in this b/c she sees him as an ally for our family and M.

I am going to expose through the company website most likely tonight, b/c of the R/O I am limited but with the anonymous reporting procedure I am going to do it after work hours and have a plan - My worry was even though it was anonymous that they may have a way to find my IP address and think I will have that covered.

At the initial hearing she couldn't look at me, Our email exchanges are me being pleasant and her very cold and business like although that I sense is a front b/c of her guilt.

Thanks for stopping

Well not much has changed, WW is foggier than ever and last Wed. we had finished up with the RO, In a way I guess I gave in b/c it saved me some money that I am now going to use for adding to a new retainer to file for D.

WW wanted what she was getting last year when I left to work on our M only to have her file for D, I accepted the R/O also because it wont be public record.

I am now fighting for as much custody as I can and documenting everything, WW has been living in a fantasy world and my hope is the law guardian will finally see through her. She has been avoiding her family as much as I can find out through my children.

In court she said she would pay the mortgage since I cannot afford to but she hasn't, I feel she is using the R/O to keep up her A and truly feel she is neglecting our children wxcept to try to buy D12 with things such as a new cell phone and unlimited text messaging.

I have a session w/ IC where I relayed that last summer I contacted child protective services by leaving a 12 and 10 y/o home all day during summer vacation w/o supervision and in this state they wont do a darn thing about that, I feel badly that I let my emotions run over and put my children and myself in this position.

I asked atty. what grounds we will file under, He says if he feels he can prove adulery then we will file that way if not we will go with cruel and inhuman treatment with sub categories of adultery and emotional abuse.

He thinks the explicit text messages will be helpful and he is thinking of issuing a subpoena to OM pos.

I also mentioned that last year when she filed that she listed several lies and untruths in her allegations the funniest was her saying I accused her unfairly of an A.

Just thought I would drop in, Still trying to get an apt and not much access to internet.