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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 64 |
Well the time's come. He and I are moving forward with the meeting the kids thing. Starts tonight. We want to be informed and to do the best job we can with our kids. We both are in unison that our kids were in existence before our relationship was, and that our first obligation is to be good parents, thus we want to make sure we do this right. Any good books for he and I to read? We care deeply for each other and want to work towards having a great new home hopefully in the near future. We just want our kids to be ok with everything and feel comfortable. They've been thu alot since his xw and my xh were both ws's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
God's got a great sense of humor! XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family 
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 14 |
I don't know of any books but my advice would be this: take it slowly and absolutely expect bumps (big ones and little ones) in the road.....jmo....I think patience is key. I think that kids who've been through the split of their parents' M tend to have a lot of insecurities and don't really want another person coming into the picture = even if they adore that person! I guess that is the natural response. That's why I'd say be patient, kind, tolerant and gradually you'll all get to know one another and be more at ease.
Good Luck! let us know how the meeting went!!
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 64 |
Meeting went fabulous~! Everything was fine. My son loves him. He really is taken with my son too. He's going to help him with some activities (building something) for his scout troop. My bf is/was an Eagle scout.
God's got a great sense of humor! XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774 |
I am glad your meeting went well :-)
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 448
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 448 |
From a perspective about 18 months into a blended remarriage, "Stepfamilies" by James H. Bray and John Kelly is the most helpful, of the many we read. It's based on long-term research.
First meetings are like first dates.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863 |
No book suggestions, just happy to read that your life is moving in a good direction.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
I don't have your experience, but what I've read (sorry no books) tells me that having weekly open-session meetings would be a great idea. The kind where each person gets to talk and say how they think things are going, without judgment or recrimination. That old 'talking stick' thing. (That, and dinners together.) Teaches the kids to be honest about their feelings, too, which will help later in life.
Good luck!
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8 |
Hi JustPeachy -
Great news that it went well!
I'm so glad you opened up this topic! I've been searching for some good literture on blending families too!
You and I are in almost identical situations! It would be great to bounce ideas back and forth as we move forward. I too am dating a man and things are moving forward - blended activities w/us and the kids. So far it has been pretty good. I really enjoy his children and my BF enjoys mine too. My son really loves my BF as well. I've been a little frightened about the attachment. Sometimes I get uneasy when I think about all the "what if we decide it would be better to go our separate ways...etc".
We are both WS's too. Oh, and my BF was an Eagle Scout too. The paralells are uncanny!
I sure would like to keep in touch with you!
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