I really want to get to the bottom of what's going on in this marriage. My H and I are separating in the spring and I'm not sure if we'll get back together...and if we do, under what conditions it should be. I really really need some help. I've read MB website stuff including lovebusters and I see we both are guilty. But if I ever tell H he's doing one, I'm either told I'm too sensitive or he just rolls his eyes and says "Ok!!!" looking at me all the while like I'm some crazy lady.
Here's a good example of what I need help with. Many of his "jokes" seem to be making fun of me or putting me down in some way. He will point out zits if I have any. We took the kids to the zoo today and he told me how the gorillas look like my family. After ignoring that, he kept repeating it and repeating it until I finally just said to stop it. Then I said I had to go to the bathroom and he said "There are some bushes over there." and he also repeated that "joke" everytime I said I had to go to thebathrrom. It was really embarrassing for me because we took our neighbor's daughter with us and she got to hear all of that. I hate it when he makes jokes like that in front of others.
Anyhow.
He says I can't take a joke if I tell him I don't like these kinds of jokes or he'll say "It's always something with you! God, you're so sensitive. Okay, SORRY, I will try not to offend you anymore. I just won't say anything. How about that?"
I feel really bad in this relationship. Problem is that we have two small children and they love him very much. I want this family to work but I just hate the way he treats me.
Another thing he does on a constant basis is if I'm talking to someone either in person or on the phone and he wants to talk to me, he will just shout my name totally interrupting any coversation I might've been having. If I ignore him and continue the conversation, he shouts at me louder. I can say "hey. Wait a minute okay." and he will but I get very aggitated that he does this so much. It's to the point where I won't even talk on the phone anymore when he's around because I don't want to deal with it. My friends get uncomfortable when he does it and they usually say, "Well, I'd better let you go okay. Sounds like you've got your hands full over there."
I would like to know, from you guys, the outsiders' perspective, if I AM being too sensitive. If I need to chill out or if this kind of behavior is acceptable/unacceptable. I don't know what I should expect really. I am 34 and he is 37. I think this relationship is just a mess and I think H is very immature...I am too in many ways.
What do I do? We can't exactly work the MB joint aggreement because to top it all off, H has unresolved alcohol issues. He used to be drunk every day for almost 3 years of our 7 year marriage. He is now drinking less these days but still gets drunk every few weeks. I think it's more of a problem of emotional issues left over from being a practicing Alcoholic than the actual amount he drinks now. He's got so much going on in him but won't get help. So, he has this front person mood like Mr. Joke Man and that's who he is a lot of the time...which brings us back to the beginning of my post...
I just don't know how to live with him anymore. I'm so tired of the way he acts.
Well, please advise.
