We've decided that I would file an annullment and he will file for a divorce from his wife. Once his divorce is final we plan to re marry again. We have a long term relationship and yes I know that I am considered his mistress. But we feel that we belong together anyway, we have 3 grown kids and have had the usual disagreements in a marriage but need each other for support. So I've made up my mind to forget the past and move on. No, it's not easy but I have to if I want our relationship to continue. Nowadays that's what most people would do is just plain divorce and fight for what belongs to them. But there is hope for us because both of us want to work it out. If he didn't want it to work then of course I wouldn't be with him. So to me I'm lucky in a sense that I've had this relationship with someone that I love and I want it to go on. I know for a fact that other than his first wife that there is no one else. But I've been thinking lately, maybe he was being blackmailed because he is a US Citizen and this lady lives elsewhere, she was always asking him for more money or else she would expose everything to me. He didn't want that to happen so kept paying her until he got tired of paying her. What do you guys think ?

I think that it doesn't matter. He has not refuted that the 18 year old could be his, he has not denied that he married you while still married to someone else.

Staying with him and working on your marriage is your decision, but that doesn't change what happened in the past and he will still have to deal with his wife.

Who

Are you sure you can get an annulment from a marriage that was never legal? That just doesn't sound right. I think the only thing that needs to happen (legally) is that he needs to get a divorce from his 1st wife and THEN remarry you.

How will he get a divorce from her? Is he going to have to travel back to her country to do it or can he get it done here?

If you do remarry him then I suspect that your income would still be subject to his back child support from his 1st wife.

Have you talked to an attorney about all of this? Wow. What a tough situation for you. Is this all a total surprise to you? How are you handling it emotionally?

Yes, I've discussed this situation with a Lawyer. Right now the house that we are living in is the house that I bought with my parents when I was single. So child Support has put a Lien on this because it shows that we are husband and wife (which we aren't and never was) By me filing an annulment would erase our marriage and return everything back to when I was single. I can then get the Lien off my house and remove my husbands name. My husband will sign over everything that I owned when I was single he is agreeing to what I want to do. He knows that the house belongs to me and doesn't want me to get involved. But I really love him and feel like he needs my support, that is what marriage is all about. I know that some of you think that he is a bad person but I've never seen that side of him. He has been kind and caring to me and the kids. And we have a lot of things in commom. We are planning to retire in a couple of years and we would like to get all this settled before then. He is in process of filing a divorce from her, he didn't do it before because he was afraid of being sent back home and not being able to provide for us and them and his brothers and sisters. Since he is an American Citizen he can file the Divorce here and have them served to her there. There is no divorce in their country only annulment and it takes 5 yrs for that to go thru.

I checked with Child support on my income and it won't be affected by it. Yes, I was shocked to hear all this over a year ago. But we didn't know what to do then, and we were both afraid. So I've been checking Websites and learning lot's of things along the way. We put it aside and talked about it on and off and now we are ready to move on and doing things the right way. We know that this is only the beginning. But i've assured my husband that I would always be by his side no matter what comes up or what happens. That's how much I love him.

So you won't be able to marry him, then, for 5 years? Be careful about jumping right into it, as I don't think they can touch your house if you're not married to him. You'll want to clarify with the lawyer how your state views this.

Have you told your adult children about their sibling?

Did he become a US citizen by marrying you?

Is he ever away from you, away on trips, away on business?

Have you saw, in writing, where the boy resides?

If he questions paternity, a paternity test could have been done a long time ago.

The more you ask the more painful it gets and you will find out things that you didn't want to hear.

What things? Like there could be ANOTHER woman he is married to somewhere? MORE children that he is not supporting.

What you don't know WILL hurt you...not the other way around.

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Toyota...so, let me get this straight...YOU want to be with a "man" that married you while married to another...a "man" that has failed to live up to his obligations to his children...and a "man" that you are afraid to ask for the truth from because you are afraid of what you will discover.

I don't know how else to say this...but if this is really your choice, you are willingly walking into a hornets nest with this "man." You say supporting him is what marriage is all about...well, first off..you are not his wife.. and second, marriage is NOT about supporting someone when they do these kinds of things.

Your "man" is a dirtbag in the biggest sense. I hope you wake up and see him for WHAT he truly is.

No he was already a US citizen before I met him. The only time he was away was when he was in the Navy. After the divorce which should take a couple months only, then we will get married legally. I've already talked with a lawyer about this. Okay, we were never married but we have a realtionship. They were married but they didn't have any long term relationship like we have. So even tho she is his wife she doesn't have what we have together. I've made my choice and so has he.

Some of you guys jump the gun, why do you want to know everything anyway if everything you have now is going okay. I bet most of you have never been a relationship that lasted as long as ours. Because you don't try to work things out you go from partner to partner to partner, what is it that your looking for ? Why can't you just stay with one partner and build a relationship from the ground up. And when a problem arises work it out instead of seeking a divorce, or is that the American way ? How can you know that person if you don't work things out together, isn't that what marriage is all about ? What does it matter that my husband did have a wife before and I didn't know about it, I was the innocent one. Okay, I was the mistress, but that's why I'm willing to do an Annulment so that they can take care of their divorce. I asked him if he wanted to be with me or her and he chose me, because we've beeen together so long. Well, maybe I was used, but I looked at all the ways he treated me for 25 yrs, he treated me like a wife and with respect.

Okay, we were never married but we have a realtionship. They were married but they didn't have any long term relationship like we have. So even tho she is his wife she doesn't have what we have together. I've made my choice and so has he.

So...you are a liar just like he is.

Not wasting my time.

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edited to withhold judgement to make sure we have the correct story. Toyota, when you say

Does that mean you really never were married or that you were not married LEGALLY because he was committing bigamy, unbeknownst to you?

Can you please clarify your statement because it is very confusing.

It's really sad, Toyota. He lied when he 'married' you, has lied about his family for 25 years, has cheated on you with his wife, sent her money in secret and not only are you not angry with him, you think this is treating you 'like a wife and with respect'?

How do your children feel?

Quote:
"Some of you guys jump the gun, why do you want to know everything anyway if everything you have now is going okay. I bet most of you have never been a relationship that lasted as long as ours. Because you don't try to work things out you go from partner to partner to partner, what is it that your looking for?"

If you had looked at this site, or read any posts, you would see that a lot of us here have been married for 20+ years, and the majority of us here have saved our marriages of 20+ years, or are trying to.

No betrayed spouses here are going from partner to partner, we are the faithful ones.

I am sorry that you have found out that you are the OW after all this time.

The reason that we want information is to better help the posters here.

You have no reason to attack the wonderful people here that were trying to help you, and we do not deserve your insults.

You don't always get what you WANT to hear on this site, but you do get the TRUTH, sometimes not coated with sugar.

Your last post really sounds like the other woman post. People are trying to help you. You have been deceived for 25 years.

How is that workin' for ya? sigh...

If you look at my signature line you will see that I have a recovered marriage, and have been together for 23 years. You insulted ME!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

...also, a "man" who's abandoned his child! Surely you think this other child, your childrens' sibling, deserves a father like yours do, right?

I guess, since you came here looking for help, you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with your guy in a relationship based on trust, openness and honesty, or more LIES? You deserve the truth - and THEN you can move on with your life.

Wait a minute...even if you can annul this 2nd marriage, what he did was commit bigamy, which, last I heard was a criminal offence. You cannot pretend he didn't do this. For a start, it sounds like you have way too many people to report this to in order to get your finances straight.

Just because you annul your marriage does not mean that the bigamy never occurred, because he KNOWINGLY married you while being still married to another. It is NOT okay, and when the authorities find out about it, you can expect your 'husband' to be facing criminal charges and a jail term.

Sticking your head in the sand isn't going to help either. If I were you I would be looking to get my own life in order, because the crap IS going to hit the fam over this.

I'm not lying, you guys are saying that I'm his mistress because he was already married to his first wife, okay call me his mistress. But we consider ourselves husband and wife, even when I do file the annulment. And our friends know us as husband and wife.

Sure I feel sorry about what happened to the kid, but it's not my fault that all this happened. She was getting support for herself and the kid, more than enough. And I would want him to support them. I'm not angry at anyone, life is just that way. We can't go on and be angry our whole lives because this happened. I think that's why Americans have so many diseases, because things like this make them sick. Not only that they want to know every detail so they can gossip to their friends. My life is simple I always forgive people, I have a kind heart and I also do for his family. He chose to stay with me and support us all. There isn't anything wrong with that.

Yes, I did come here to seek advise, but I'm trying to give you guys advise to on how to keep a relationship strong. If
I'd known that he had a wife years ago I would have let him divorce her before but I didn't know that. Now, I'm willing to file the annulment so they can get their divorce.

I know there are a lot of things for us to fix, but we can only take it one day at a time.

Since I've gotten some good advise from you and not so good, I'm going to say this is my last post. I'll let you guys know what happens a couple months down the road. But don't be surprise if we're still together.

Good Luck to some of you who have yet to find a lasting relationship.

Toyota, did you believe you were legally married all these years?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

A relationship based on fraud and deceit is your idea of "strong?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> In the real world of the non-dysfunctional, that is not considered "strong," but SICK and UNHEALTHY.

Toyota, did you believe you were legally married all these years?

I wonder if they ever had a wedding ceremony. My money is on NOT.

If there was no wedding, then she KNEW that she wasn't married. They were just living together while he already had a wife.

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