Then its time for a little snooping ... start with the cell phone and computer. Look up her cell phone records online and see if a strange number appears more often than usual ... also look for text messages ... for some reason, waywards just LOVE to text message each other. Get here cell phone, if possible without her knowledge, and scroll through the histories.

Then look at her email, especially the sent and deleted boxes ... for some reason waywards will delete things from their inbox, but will forget to delete sent messages or to double delete the deleted files(this is how I confirmed my FWW's A).

This is too simple of a check for the peace of mind it will provide, if she's telling the truth, and too important NOT to do, if she's lying.

In my experience, when a spouse gets "upset" when being questioned there is usually something to hide.

also, alcohol and friends too me is a no no. And a wife doesn't need to go out drinking with a friend at a bar. They can do that at home.

sounds like trouble. be careful. but I agree, maybe you caught it in time. It may not be much right now.

Yup!! Sometimes I still can't believe that my FWW did what she did.

I agree--get ahold of her e-mail records and take a look. My FWH's EA with an old H.S. girlfriend started with e-mails and then escalated to phone calls. He did the same thing your wife did--called OW when he was out of the house or when I was out of the house. But it started with e-mails. Also, the fact that she is getting in touch with an old friend is a red flag--especially that she tried to talk to him while she was out at a bar without you.

There are several good articles about why it is not a good idea for old friends to get together. Old friendships or dating partners can quickly fall into an addictive relationships and it is a slippery slope from getting in touch with an old friend to an EA to a PA.

Check out her e-mail and stay alert. How is the relationship otherwise?

Also, I agree that the reason she did not want to check her voice mail was because you were in the room. She was downplaying it as if it was not really even there. She wanted privacy to listen to it--or should I say secrecy. My FWH got a couple of text messages from OW after I started figuring things out and he did something very similar--played dumb and then deleted them. I was not as text savvy back then.

I just found out that she created a myspace page yesterday. On the page she lists herself as married with children, and doesn't seem like she is flirting, but she didn't mention to me that she was creating herself a page. I don't think it means anything.

I don't know if you are actually listening to anyone here Jay.

Your wife should not keep this male friend a secret from you.

Do you know what percentage of people on this site didn't believe their spouse would ever have an affair?

You can just pretend and be gaslighted but we really do want to prevent you from starting a new thread in 6 months time titled: "You were all right - I am a fool - she is having an affair"

JH,

Did she originally expect you "might" be out with her that night? If so, she would have made no previous plans to meet high school buddy.

If she did not expect you to be going, did she contact him prior to the outing to coordinate a possible meeting?

Don't be obvious, BUT be concerned, and observe.

-JKT

I would recommend googling Spector Pro, and putting a keylogger on that computer so you can track her activity. This could be an inconspicuous manner to remain in contact below your "radar".

Putting up a page on a "personals" site, is inviting "hits" if you get my meaning.

Your W is NOT focused on your marriage right now. She IS, however, focused on some independent behaviors that could be red flags.

People responding to you have felt the intense crush of infidelity in their lives, and are doing their utmost to save you from the same.

Please do not let all this go as passing coincidence, for your own sake!

Have you ever called one of your buddies back late at night to express how nice it was talking to them? Me either.

I'm just another one here who couldn't believe their spouse would have an affair. "We're just friends and we work together", if that's the case then why keep the conversations secret and how come we've all never gotten together?

I was gaslighted for months until I finally said "you're trying to make me think I'm insane for questioning this relationship, even when I know the truth". Her replay was "you're not insane". In retrospect that was the first time she admitted anything, though at the time I didn't recognize it as such.

If you have a suspicion it's probably for a reason. Trust those here when they tell you to be on the lookout and stop things before they go too far.

Good luck, hope we're all wrong.

I agree that the callback at 12:30a.m. was a little unsettling. We were going to all go out that night, but at the last minute the guys decided we were tired and that we would stay in. I have installed a keylogger and have been watching things and so far it is all harmless, and nothing with the male friend. I don't think her intentions that night were to meet up with him as he lives over 2 hours away.

I'll go along with you that her intentions where not to meet up with him that night. But my question would be what was his intention when calling back at 12:30am? So they had talked earlier that evening, he has some drinks and at 12:30am he is thinking about your wife enough to pick up the phone and call her! In my opinion that is not appropriate.

I completely agree with you. She said that she thought I would get jealous if I knew she talked to him a few times a year since they are old friends. I told her that I am fine with it, but if you hide it from me, it does make me wonder. She said she understood. Then she gets this myspace account and doesn't tell me about it, which I'm not sure I should be obligated to know if she has a myspace account. I am definitely keeping an eye open and have been doing some heavy checking the last few days.

She is your wife you are obligated to know about her entire life.

What you told her about hiding the conversations is good. Tell her there is no reason to be jealous of something that is out there in the open and she is telling you about and involving you in. It's the secrecy that is the problem.

Would asking about mySpace blow your cover? It's good that she at least mentions she's married with kids on it.

I'm no expert in any of this, just a guy who hopes you don't have to go through what I and so many others here are going through.

I think asking about it now might blow my cover. I am going to wait until one of our friends comes over that uses myspace and when she is looking up people on my space I will ask my wife is she uses myspace or not to see what she says.

I appreciate everyones feedback on this. I don't want to become a statistic.

If you have not seen any troubling behavior regarding her myspace account (other than the fact that she created one), I would say you stand to gain nothing from broaching this subject at all. Granted, if she says no, you catch her in a lie. But either way, she will probably take any red flag behavior to another medium that you don't know about.

I would strongly urge you to lay low and just observe. Having access to a communications forum when your wife has no inkling that you are aware of its existence is an immensely powerful tool for you.

I feel I must first disclose the fact that I am a Mizzou fan, jayhawker. :P

As many have said, alot of us thought the same thing you do "MY wife would never do that!". The fact that this message board exists is proof enough that this is all too often just not true!

I would advise that you view this incident as a serious marital wake up call! Whether she is cheating or not, you have sought and found a wealth of information on how to improve your marriage. I would suggest you tell her how this latest incident made you realize how much you value your marriage and that it has made you think and realize that it is something worth protecting. See if she'll fill out the Emotional Needs survey with you and go over the MB Basic Concepts. DO NOT accuse her of infidelity right now. However, also do not discount your gut feeling that something is or was amiss. Be VERY careful with your spying right now though. Keep closer tabs on her behavior, her phone, and computer if you can, but be very careful to not get caught.

You may well be one of the lucky few that recognized the wake up call before something terrible happened. I hope this is the case, however, knowing what you know, you would be a fool to not take some proactive steps to insure your marriage against future catastrophe.