Hello all.

I don’t know if anyone around here remembers me. I went through the WS hurricane in 2005/2006.

We separated in June06, and the D was final in Feb07. In fact, I just celebrated my one year anniversary of the D! Whoohoo!

The nightmare of the whole situation and all of the pain and anguish I went through back then seems like another lifetime now. I can’t imagine being in that state now. Reading new people with the same problems and situations that I went threw kind of trigger the old emotions at times.

It is so relieving to be looking back on it instead of being in it.

To all who are still in IT, as much as it sounds like a cliché, it is true that it gets better. As time passes all the pain and anguish fade. You accept it for what is was/is and move on. Not to sound callous, but aside from my children, ALWAYS aside from my children, I feel so fortunate that things went as they did so that I could ultimately be free of XW. What if I had been successful in Plan A? Again, aside from for my children, that would not have been a positive thing for me. Looking back, I am so fortunate to be free of XW.

Now I have settled in to single life where my only concerns are running my 3 kids to all of their activities, and weathering the flare ups with the XW.

That is the one problem of being D’ed from a WW. A woman who will do as my XW did is also the type of woman who will not let things rest and who will actively harass you if you let her.

For a quick update, after we separated in June06, she moved in with her parents about 15 miles away. She kept seeing OM (who kept lying to his W that he wanted to save M). Then XW rented a house 2 blocks from me in Jan07. D was final in Feb07. No real activity for awhile, just the normal bickering over money issues.
OM basically moved in with XW in Apr/May07. Of course my kids got to live all of this as we have 50:50 split with our children.

OM got his D in June07, XW got her ring in July07, XW got pregnant in Aug07 (she knows how to sink her claws in), and XW got married in Nov07. Whoopoo for me. I was very happy with this last development as the Spousal Support was putting a serious dent in my finances.

I wonder if that dope OM has figured out yet that he was the one getting played?

He probably figured going into the deal that my XW was just like the rest of his A’s, just fun and games for him (he is a serial adulterer on his 3rd marriage). But my XW has a way of getting her security assured. Hence the pregnancy. He is caught now, hook line and sinker!

Now all I hear around town is how XW and her new hubby complain about how greedy I am because I dare to only pay what my D says I pay. My friends wonder why I have to pay ANYTHING in a 50:50 shared parenting arrangement.
Plus I pay 100% of my boys school tuition, and soon my little girls school tuition, because XW would prefer that they go to the local public school where new hubbies kids go.

I dated several women for a while after my separation in June06. (D-Day1 was July05, D-Day2 was June06…. I was ready to date). Wow was that eye opening….. My experiences ran the gamut. For the most part I think I am too nice of a guy to be very successful in the dating game. Most women were very interested in what I could do for THEM, and how well I could entertain THEM.

Fortunately after a few months I found a lady who was equally ‘nice’ and easygoing and not demanding.
I settled in to a relationship with her in late 2006. 2007 was a very good year with her. 2008 is looking even better. She has two daughters, one the same age as my daughter (5yrs), one younger (her D story is not pretty either. Not involving an A, but still not pretty).

We all get along well. We don’t push anything on the kids. They see each other some, but not a lot. My boys really like my GF, and appreciate that their little sister will play with GF’s daughter instead of bugging them! My daughter adores GF, and GF’s daughters.

Everything seems to be moving towards M, but we aren’t rushing things. Who knows? Maybe 2009? We are happy to live as we are right now.

And it all comes back to XW.
Truly, she is the only source of irritation and negativity in my life. I have accepted that until my youngest is 18yrs old, XW will be a constant irritant. But that’s ok. I usually manage just fine.

I am sure that XW and X-friend momto3boys still go back and forth about how horrible I am. Thankfully, I haven’t heard anything from momto3boys since then. She ended up being exactly what I had thought she was when I first knew her. I had empathy for her when her XH cheated on her, and she repaid it by being the person I knew she was to begin with.

So now life is more complicated, life is more chaotic, but life is also open to much better things now that I am free of XW.

I ALWAYS, ALWAYS give the caveat that I still and always will feel bad for my children. They didn’t deserve this. I cannot imagine what their lives are like having to troop back and forth between two houses, and it still breaks my heart for them.

In all other aspects of my life, my D has been a positive for me.

I also met a great friend on MB. Cutbert_calculus gave me tremendous support when I was going through my mess. We continue to correspond to this day, and although I have never met him face to face (I will some day!) I consider him a good friend.

Best wishes to all. Just remember, Life always gets better, if you let it…..

Hi Tired_Dad, not sure if I ever posted to you, but I do remember your story and I;m very glad that your happy now and that you have moved on from the pain that you were in.

Even though I'm a female I always feel bad for all the dads who have their kids ripped from them full-time to one day and every other weekend dad. so good for you on the 50/50.

I glad that you found some one to spend your time with and that the kids blend so well I wish you much happiness in this good luck with all.

Hi Tired Dad... So nice to hear that things are going good for you.... I remember momto3boys and alot of that drama...I am glad you are free of it all and happy in your new life.... A success story is always nice....

I don't know if I would call myself a 'sucess story', maybe a 'survived' story.

No one comes out of infidelity unscarred.

And the effects on my children will keep me from calling it 'sucess' as well.

But thanks SS and Maw for the sentiments.

I don't come here very often anymore. It's just too much of a downer to have my old memories stirred up by what I read in others's stories.

I don't know how the oldtimers on this board keep giving out advice. It is wonderful that they can do that for the ones who are just entering such a horrible time in their lives. The value of having people here who have been through it and understand and can give insight and advice based on experience is so great. I just don't see how you can stay in 'IT' after your own personal situation has passed.

I look back on my time here as a chapter in my history that I don't care to revisit. I dragged myself out of it, and although I don't mind visiting from time to time, to stay in "IT" doesn't feel healthy for me.

On the other hand, just 2 motnhs ago a friend of mine who knew my history confided in me that he just found out that his wife had been having an A. I was actually able to give him some good advice and help. It is so funny to me how it is easy for me to give the proper advice, but how it was so impossible for me to fully implement it myself.

Two months out is very early for them but it appears that they have a good chance to save their marriage and family. I am happy for him, and glad that his kids don't have to have their family break up.

He has been very thankful to me for giving him guidance, encouraging him to vent to me instead of her, talking him down from doing stupid stuff, etc....

Maybe getting involved with him and his issues is what spurred me to revisit the board.

It's so sad to think that this type of board will always be needed, because everyday there are new people who experience D-Day.

Hi TD,

I'm not here much but was snooping around a bit today and am really glad to see a post from you and to hear that you are doing so well. I never had a doubt you would. Congrats on the new relationship and for letting go of the old. You've come a long way. We learn a lot on this process of having a bad M and it's good to see you using that to it's fullest.

I wish you continued happiness.

(Oh, and yes, I agree, CC is one of the best)

Symphony

I remember you! So glad to hear things are going well now.

Tired_Dad, you certainly ran the gamut of emotions during your time on this board. I agree, except for the effect on your kids, you are better off without your ex. You tried, sincerely, to reconcile - and she coldly, calculatingly and deliberatly pushed all your buttons and did all she could to sabotage your efforts.

I don't think you have anything to regret by trying to reconcile. I think for your kid's sake, you had to try. And you did try. But it takes two to make a marriage work, and she never put forth a good-faith effort to reconcile, and now, almost 3 years after the fact, you've found somebody who treats you well - and I'm really happy for you!

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. Your kids are lucky to have a father like you.

Isn't that the truth! Like you, I think I'm better off since D. Tragedy and pain have a way of molding surviors into better people. I come back here every now and again to remind myself how far I've come, especially when I'm stressed or down. It helps to think I can give a little back to others in need.

Im very happy that you made it Tired_Dad.......I went thru the same thing you did. Life does get alot better over time.......mine sure did. God bless and have a great 2008.