I have been married for 12 years this June. My mariage has been up and down the whole time. I have had a drinking problem in the past. I was always mean and hateful to my wife and kids. We both have had a couple of affairs in the past. I have been meeting with my pastor for about 6 months trying to get some freedom with my issues. My wife has always fought to keep things going. That was until Jan. 14th. I found out she was talking to this guy from the net. When I asked her about it she got very hard! That night she talked to him ALL night long with NO sleep! She told me she was done and we was over. This guy is 19 and she is 29! He is not a christian and is so wrong for her. She really likes him and she says they get each other. I have been changing, but I have said I would chance for 12 years now. I always lied to her to tell her what she needed to hear. She is going to meet this guy on sunday. He lives in Virginia. They are going to meet in Louisville KY. I have a control issue. I want and have tried to control everything my whole life. What do I do? What can I do? We have been seperated for two weeks now.

Crushed...

First thing you can do is breathe...this is very important.
Next thing to do is pray.

I am sorry you are in this position, but since you are you are in the best place you could be in. Read all you can on here and go get the book "Surviving an Affair" and "Love Busters". As far as advice beyond that, I don't have any because I am a newbie at all of this myself. The wise vets will be here shortly and have some good advice for you.

LISTEN to them. FOLLOW what they say, even if you don't think it is the right thing to do. They are the wise VETS for a reason. They have all been in this position long before us. Think of them as Yoda's to us young padawans...

I'll say a prayer for you and keep us posted....

not2fun

What changes have you been making, Crushed? And how long have you been making them?

And what do you mean by saying you were mean and hateful to your wife and kids?