Hi
Its been a very long time since I have been here. Unfortunately I have been going through this rollercoaster again for the second time. This time it seems so much worse. My husbands first affair was while he was away. Although they kept in contact for sometime after he came home it finally ended. We had moved on or so I had thought. My husband had been friends with the new ow first. I was always nervous about it but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Needless to say April 19 he sat me down in a restaurant and said he wasnt happy. He needed time away so he could miss me?? He said he was very depressed. Anyways long story short I found out about a month or so later that in fact he was having an affair with this so called friend and it had been going on for some time. She is a 20 year old kid. Now I know we are only 10 years older than that it just seems so stupid. Anyways over the summer he got his own place. Found out later he was staying in the same house as her subletting a room for the summer from her room mate?? AHHH anyways once that ended he ended up living in our business with her until she moved away. Yes she is gone but things just are getting worse. Over the holidays he told me he would like to move home in the new year. I thought it strange that he was telling me this before christmas but couldnt come home till the new year. He planned a trip to get away and be alone. So he said. He went to visit her ;-( Spent new years with her. I asked him before he left if that is where he was going but he denied it. He texed me over the time he was away some amazing things and how he couldnt wait to come home. I did find out later that he had lied and was with her but I thought to myself this may be the last step he needed to make a decision as to what he wanted. NOPE. Just to let you know as I had been through this before I have been practicing Plan A since the begining. Ok so he comes back. He is just staying at home I wouldnt call it living there. He comes home to sleep everynight but thats about it. He cannot come home until late in the evenings as he has to make the phone call to the ow before he comes. He is trying to make her believe he is still sleeping at our business. I know this is what he is doing. So since he has been back he has no time to spend with me but only to sleep at home. When I asked him for more time he got mad and didnt talk to me or come home for 2 days. Funny he said I wasnt patient???? Its only been 9 months of plan A. Oh but thats not patient enough. Ahhh so 2 days later back to plan A and him just coming home to sleep. So the latest is he needs another trip to be alone????. I know he is planning to be with her again. When I said that we needed a trip for us he said that he knew we needed time together and after this trip for himself then after that we could look into getting away and that he was sorry to dissappoint me. I am writing now cause I just dont know how much more I can take. He doesnt know that I know he went to see her over new years although I have never once asked him how his trip was. I just dont get it. She has no plans to move back here and he wont move to where she is so whats taking so long. I dont think my heart can take much more. Im ready to give up. Someone please help

Can you put a digital voice activated recorder where you can tape his phone calls to OW from the business? Do you have access to his cell phone or his cell phone bill/online account?

One of the ways I put the timeline together of when my WH was seeing OW was when they weren't texting/calling they were together because they have significant communication every day. Do you have that kind of situation/information that can help you have info to confront him?

Is there any way you can hire a PI or follow him on this trip to get photos and video of them together?

sneak and get his phone...
call the OW and tell her where he is living and all he says about rebuilding...

write your plan B letter...nine months of plan A is too long and will do too much damage to you....

and send him away with you in full plan B..

don't you think enough is enough...

ark^^

confused,

Whenever I hear of an A #2 with a different OP I SEE RED AND FLY INTO A RAGE WITH FLECKS OF SPITTLE FLYING FROM MY LIPS!!

Any ahole that will put his/her spouse through this bull$h** rollercoaster A SECOND TIME is so totally disrespectful of the spouse and so SELFISHLY SEEKING SELF-GRATIFICATION that the wayward scum should not be worth our consideration and NOT be allowed back into our lives.

He needs to take a trip permanently away. Let him go, then change the locks and go directly to the big PLAN D.

IMHO.

kirk

My FWH also had two affairs, but they were one right after the other. I have to say however, that if he did it again, NOW, after all this time, that'd be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't even flinch. No muss. No fuss. He's out. He knows it too. I can't imagine what you're going through.

Think hard about this. Do you really want to save this marriage?

(((Confused)))

Others may have a different point of view, but serial cheaters are a different breed IMHO. It becomes a lifestyle choice at some point. I could not imagine putting myself through that type of abuse again. It really is abuse.
Take care of yourself and really think long and hard about whether or not there is anything left to save.

BUMPED

for confused