Hard to believe it's been so long. But it also seems like it's been a lot longer than 3 years, too.

AJ is on his way to Canada for over a month, our DS10 in tow. He has been so loving and sweet, and just for the sake of being loving and sweet, since he has no clue today is any sort of milestone.

Almost everything out of his A is now an incomprehensible blur to him, so unless something happens to trigger a memory (not often), it is just a chunk of his life that is missing, where I am the only one who remembers it.

Life isn't all rosy glow, but we love each other and care for each other far better than we ever did pre-A. We are light-years from where we were 3 years ago.

3 years ago he wouldn't even touch me willingly. Now he craves just being around me. He can't tell me enough how much he loves me. He tells me how happy he is to be married to me. And for me, I feel like I have stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop, and don't feel like he could run off any second and start his A up again.

It's not blind trust - it's watching his actions, which have been consistently to reassure me of his honesty and transparency, opening his full life for me to see.

The extreme financial difficulties we have been through have helped in their own way. Due to the OW being able to throw around zillions of dollars, at the time I felt very inadequate in that respect, as well as all the standard ways. For the first months of money trouble, it brought back all my feelings of not having money for him when she had lots of money, and what if he gave into temptation to go back to her for money, etc. etc.

He has borne up under the stresses with grace and optimism, telling me that everything would be ok. He even did for a while without his favorite smelly soaps, body washes, and little luxury items (ok, let's face it - he's a closet metrosexual, lol) that he is very fond of. When even that didn't phase him, I just relaxed and enjoyed the bumpy ride with him. Our trials have ended up bringing us even closer than we already were.

He is a different person now.

We are in the early planning phases of a small family seminar, which would of course incorporate the wisdom we have gained from the beautiful people here. Improving marriages, preventing infidelity, and dealing with it if it's too late for prevention. I've wanted to do something like that from the beginning, but would have felt funny getting up front and talking about having a wonderful marriage while there was still a question in my mind as to whether our own recovery would last.

I'm ready to proceed now. That in itself is a miracle, as is the fact that we recovered at all.

~Thank you to Dr. Harley, the MB staff, and each MB member for making this moment possible. God has used you to touch more lives than you know.~

Great story Neak thanks for sharing.

I hope that i can feel the same way at 3 years past. Right now i am one year past and i am no where near feeling the way you feel. But at least hearing stories like this give you hope that it can be.

Again thanks for sharing.

Congratulations Mr & Mrs Neak!!!

And thank you for such a honest & inspirational post! These success stories are so badly needed by those still struggling.

Sooooo true!!!

Wishing all the luck in the world on your new seminar venture! With your determination, your success history & MB knowledge, I have no doubt your seminar will have a profound effect on your audience.

Awesome Neak. I am so happy for you and AJ. Your seminar will be a powerful tool for those who attend because you and AJ actually have the knowledge of what a strong marriage requires and for some, you will have literally walked in their shoes and come out of it victorious. Way to pay it forward!

Congratulations, Neak and AJ! It couldn't happen to better people! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am so happy for you both dear Neak ....

love and hugs from everyone here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Still Crazy,

Even a year ago I didn't feel like this.

Part of it, I think, is due to the money issues I had to maintain contact with the OW for a number of months after the A ended. Looking back, I really feel that extended my time line considerably.

During that time, I feel like we continued to heal together, but my own recovery was just about completely stalled from the regular doses of venom aimed at trying to make me doubt AJ and dump him. For some reason. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The day I sent my own NC letter, (even though I totally freaked because I accidentally sent it a day or two before I was planning to, and anything that jumped out of my control would make me flip out at that point), was the day I really started to move forward.

very cool indeed.

Nearly Crazy,

Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There are a couple of small churches we would likely be able to start with, and who knows where it would go from there?

I mean, really, this should be in every church, every denomination...everyone should have access to this material if they want it.

Also, AJ has grown comfortable enough where he is now ok with my writing an article on infidelity for an awesome womens' magazine (Women of Spirit), as long as the names are changed in the story.

One of his biggest struggles has been with shame, so that is huge. I am so proud of him though - whenever someone he knows has told him they are struggling as a result of infidelity, he has stepped right up and told them of his own experience.

It wouldn't be too surprising if, before this is all over, he would get to the point where he could even speak publicly about it.

brb...

t/j Churches are THIRSTY for it Neak. I could work full time just on follow-up at my Church.

Honestly! The things I find out about you online that you don't talk about at home could fill pages and pages on the WorldWide Web. Oh, wait--they already have! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P

Thanks, Meggy. And congratulations to you, too!

Mel, are you sure you aren't just trying to butter me up to steal my birthday? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank you dear friend. You have definitely influenced me during my stay here. Your no-nonsense approach has rubbed off just a teeny tiny bit, combined with the Powerful Woman genes I get from my mother, and I tiptoe around a lot fewer daisies. (Though not going out of my way to stomp extra, either.)

Love you and Mr. Lane. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

AW, I'm so happy for you, too. You gave me such hope when I first arrived, to see that a WS could really change. Hearing about you, Squid, Dorry, and some of the others helped me to see that a repentant WS was not actually in the same category with Pegasus and the Tooth Fairy.

Love and hugs to all your brood, as well.

Bob, thank you for sharing that.

I was just telling AJ the other day about some friends of ours who are doing marriage ministry at their church, and having powerful results.

We had talked about it before, kind of planned out generally what topics we wanted to cover, but didn't pursue it. Partly I think because I didn't feel ready yet.

Hearing about that was God's little cue that it is time now. It may take a couple of months to finish preparations, get approval by the boards, and get on the schedule, but we need to start.

AJ even had the idea to record his portion (he has a real burden for the parent/child relationship, and bringing up Godly children), that way when he is gone we would still be able to to share his presentation.

Mom, what was new information? I am puzzled. (Though the crack at my expense was very funny anyway.)

If you mean the seminar idea, I guess that means you haven't looked at my website. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />