WH had online (mostly email) emotional affair. Found out 2 weeks ago. We are both Christians. It has definitely been a roller coaster of emotions for me. It started out down, of course, but quickly went up as we(I) started reading Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley. I'm ready to implement the strategies outlined in the book. WH is completely repentant, but the truth of all that happened is still very fresh and painful.

This last week, I hit the downside of the roller coaster. I fell into a depression. I have bipolar disorder, so I was able to get a slight med change from my dr. to help.

In the middle of the week, though, WH got a job! This was really exciting since he hasn't been employed for 8 months. I'm afraid, though, that this excitement and coming challenges of adjustment will overshadow our committment to reconciliation.

I saw my counselor yesterday (who is WH's counselor, too) and we're going to see him again today together. It was brought our by the therapist that WH is afraid of intimacy (all kinds of intimacy). I'm not surprised at this statement, but it has dashed my hopes somewhat.

Then, last night, we did the Emotional Needs inventory. I was surprised and hurt by his. We have had problems in the past with sexual needs. The first part of our marriage was him wanting it and me not. Since about 2 years ago, it's been the opposite. Also, he has ED now b/c of some antidepressant medication. I'm also suspicious that the ED started during the A. Anyway, he ranked sexual fulfillment at #7, while for me, it was at #3! Also, he didn't mark a 3 (highest) on anything, even though he said he was completely satisfied (like attractiveness and domestic support), which are two things I work VERY HARD at. I don't know quite how it related, but in talking to him afterwards, I got angry and told him I was just so angry at what he did to me (the A). He responded by getting down on his knees telling me how much he loves me and how he was sorry (again). I feel like I need to hear him say he's sorry so often.

Today, he's going to "surprise" me for Valentine's Day, which is what I asked for. Our pastor told us men don't need strong hints...they need to be told what we want...so I did. V-day is important to me, and WH knows that. I'm just afraid of being disappointed.

Thanks for reading this. I'm still quite sad this morning.

Why are so many people reading this, but not responding?

Yesterday we had a counseling session and he gave WH a challenge (to build trust, etc) and gave us hope.

Also yesterday, WH took me on a Valentine's surprise outing. We went out for lunch and a movie and it was very special. A big deposit in my "love bank."

HH,

I'm sorry you're going through this. My H developed ED during his A and it hasn't reared it's ugly head (sorry for the pun) for a long time...we've had NC for over a year now (I think). When was your Dday for his affair? When did it end...did it end? How old are your children.

Also, I see much in your post of what you want your H to do, but not of how you're wanting to change yourself. You are fortunate that H actually took the EN survey...mine balked at doing most of that stuff. If you're getting angry at him exposing his feelings, he won't share with you much longer. Have you read Love Busters?

You're right. Thank you for your advice.

OUr kids are 5, 7, 9. Oldest two have bipolar and asperger's respectively.

I am going to work hard at making a safe environment for him to be honest and open with his feelings.

I forgot to mention that D-Day was 1/25/08

hope,

Have you and your WH established NC (no contact) with OW? If so, when was NC established? It will take some time for him to get through withdrawal after NC starts. Did he write a NC letter that you approved before sending?

Yes, the NC seems eons ago. It was written 1/27/08 ~ two days after d day. He had written one on 1/25, but it wasn't very firm. I approved the one on 1/27. We also have Safe Eyes installed on our computer, at his suggestion. He did go through some withdrawal, but I think it's much better.