My husband had a 3 month affair with a ex-coworker & friend of ours from about 10 years ago. Most of it was communication based, phone,e-mail and texting because she lived 2 hours away. They did have 1 physical encounter on Dec. 8th,07. And I found out about the affair Dec. 18th 2007. After I found out he continued to contact her by phone, e-mail and text. Now supposedly he hadn't contacted her since Jan 10,08. Things were going as good as they possibly could. We seemed to be reconnecting on all levels, communication and physically as well. We talked about therapy but still haven't made an appointment. This morning I saw a text from herthat said,"Don't e-mail me at work, I'm in big trouble." I'm not sure what this meant and I guess I really don't care. My H said that he hadn't heard from her in a long time and in the e-mail all he wanted to know was how she was doing. Whatever!!! I told him that he knows that there shouldn't be any contact with her and asked him why he e-mailed her. He said that it was nothing, and that he's messed up, and thinks that he still has feelings for her and he can't stop the feelings. What do I do? He says that he loves me and is in love with me. I'm so tempted to tell the other husband; who by the way doesn't know it was my husband, and may not even know about the whole affair. I heard they were in therapy, but I don't know exactly what for if the other husband doesn't know about my husband. I'm so sad, confused and frustrated I need advice on what to do. Do a stay do I go? Do I contact her/her spouse do I not? I fear the outcome of revealing the affair to the other husband. I really want to call her and either tell her to stop the communication or maybe apologize to her for him contacting her I don't know. I really hate her and the involvement she had with my husband. I feel hopeless. I have 2 children 11 and 4.5 and I want to be strong for them. Someone please help me through this.

(((sushimaker))) welcome and I'm sorry you find yourself here.

Have you read articles on this site especially surviving an affair? If not get to reading, loads of helpful information in them.

It sounds like your H is in the 'fog'. What he is saying is very typical. One of the first things stated here is establishment of no contact (NC). If your H will agree to that and write a NC letter (that you read and agree with) that's the first big step. If not then revealing the affair to those that need to know may help also. Read the articles here.

I'm sure more experienced MB vets will chime in here soon with a more specific plan of action. There is no need to ACT yet. Read here, listen to the vets, get a plan.

Try to take a deep breath. You are not alone, we'll help you thru this.

Sushimaker, why do you keep posting new threads? It would be much easier for others to follow and more useful to you if you would stick to your first thread and simply add questions to that.

As it is, you have recieved good advice and it appears not to suit you. If that is the case, and you are unwilling to do what needs to be done, things like telling the OWH (which you've been advised to do several times), then it seems that you really aren't looking for a way out of your situation, but simply want to whine and cry about your predicament. That's fine, but realize that the reason your situation isn't changing is because you are doing nothing to change it.