Welcome to MarriageBuilders, Kelly...
Gotta ask...have you really set your goal to save your marriage? I ask because you chose this out of the way forum, "Other Topics" instead of the Infidelity forum to make your first post.
It's okay either way...just want to be clear.
Best place to get the most help is in the forum with the most traffic...which is Infidelity...General Questions II.
You can cut and paste your post over there. I strongly advise it.
And when you do, would you elaborate on what you did in Plan A, for how long? Did you expose to his work? Is that part of the "everyone"?
I ask because we went to MC while my WH was in his affair. In our first session, the MC asked what my goal was for counseling...I said to save my marriage. Then he asked my WH what his goal was...and he said to decide if he would leave the marriage for the OW (whom he worked with), leave the marriage for himself, or stay and work on the marriage.
MC was good with us having two separate goals. Then MC said that he had to end the relationship with the OW in order to get to his goal...that she was influencing his mind, adding to his confusion, and if he wanted to make this very important decision in the best possible way, then he had to end it.
We left that session and he didn't end it. He hadn't been living at home for a month (was living with a relative). Next week's session was just MC and WH...MC asked if WH had ended it and WH said no. He said so you changed your goal? WH said no. WH "ended" their relationship within 20 minutes of leaving the session. They still worked together...in WH's mind, he really ended it...and he moved back home within the week.
So we had two and half months of contact...and yes, the A really didn't end until WH's transfer came through.
I share this with you to communicate that instant NC is possible, and even when it doesn't happen immediately, you can still save your marriage.
I was in Plan A for four months...and we continued MC throughout that time. Took over two months for WH to recommit to the marriage, even then, with a lot of resentment, anger and reluctance.
Fact was, he recommitted. And after he transferred, there has been NC in place for three years.
I hope you'll continue posting and I'll watch for you over on GQII...there are a lot of great people to help you on MB...you are not alone. We remember.
LA
