So far I've remained completely "dark" in my now more than one month long Plan B. However, with the recent questions about our meetings & now that DS is in soccer, I'm a little concerned about an "accidental" and public encounter.

Have you ever "run into" your WS while in Plan B?

How should I handle this if it happens?

I will not engage in any conversation & I'm thinking I'll do my best to get the he!! out of there but obviously can't abandon my son. What do you advise?

Julie

Good question.

Sorry I don't have an answer.

It gets real tough with children. Even adults-How would you handle a wedding or funeral in a PLB?

Hope some Vets can educate us.

Rocky

Do your very best to avoid it. If you do see him, then turn around and leave.

Julie

I went to the search button up here at the top of the page and put in children.
I then went back 6 years
I also went to the forum PLA/PLB

Over 200 posts came up concerning children and PLAN A/B

Maybe you'll find something in there.

Hope this helps

Rocky

Question: if I decide to do a full Plan B, what do I do when we attend the same children's activities? Soccer games, band concerts, plays, etc. are all part of our lives. Do I ignore him completely? Is it okay to smile and wave? Do we sit together or what?
FYI, I have a mediator in mind, but I'm just not emotionally read to Plan B him yet. But I'm getting there.


Dr. Harley
Administrator


Reged: 11/16/00
Posts: 1916
Re: Plan B Advice Needed
#3389429 - 01/28/08 06:40 AM


xxxxx: Read my answer to "What Now!" by NZJ in the Questions about Infidelity section of the MBW Forum. It probably applies to your situation.

About 95% of affairs die a natural death within 2 years of discovery. And 70% of those 5% that survive to marriage end in divorce. Even the 30% of the 5% (1.5%) are not all happy marriages. So the odds of your husband finding happiness with his present lover is so unlikely that it's safe to say that his affair is the worst mistake of his life. But because you're married to him, it's the worst mistake of your life, too. And you didn't do anything to deserve it.

Your best plan of action right now is plan B. And you will have to make it air-tight to keep you sane. Otherwise, every casual contact, even at your children's events, is likely to take a terrible toll on your mental and physical health.

Some day, your husband may come out of the fog. And he may be ready to win you back to him again. But I would encourage you to avoid hoping for that outcome. In fact, try to avoid thinking of him at all. Start going down a new path that does not include him in any way. There's nothing more that you can do to encourage him to do the right thing. All you're left with now is to try to protect yourself from future suffering. And that means having absolutely nothing to do with your husband, possibly for the rest of your life.

Best wishes
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Thanks for your replies. To clarify, I didn't start this as another "here's my situation..." thread, but more of a "what to do in Plan B" thread. Am still hoping some others might weigh in?

I'm LOVING my DARK Plan B, and I have NO intentions of ruining it! I'm concerned H may be trying though, with the recent request for me at the door, asking DD where our meetings are, and now I'm worried he might show up at DS soccer game tomorrow night.

H was NOT invited to the soccer game, he wasn't even involved in the sign-up! But I have to know DS may have leaked the info to H (he's excited!) so I'm trying to be prepared. I can't leave my boy stranded! But I don't want to be cornered! I don't WANT to see H!!!

So, hopefully all this worry & preparation is for nothing & H will pick up DS @the house AFTER soccer as planned. But in case he pulls a fast one on me, I don't want to cause a scene or upset DS. Can ya dig it?

Julie, set a plan in place beforehand. For example, maybe ask one of the other parents to take him home in case you have to leave. Or if he shows up, then leave and come back after the game to pick up your son.

If he is going to come to the game, I would ask your intermediary to negotiate a rotation, whereas, he takes your son every other game.

Julie,

Mel is right....<this is why everyone in Plan B needs a mediator>. Your mediator negotiates child visitation and events so that there are no "chance" meetings and no scenes. It protects child as much as your marriage. However, in the event that you run into him in the grocery store or in some unforseeable way....my advice is to open your cell phone and call your funniest friend. Be engaged in life and let him see you happy.....completely distracted and unaffected by his presence. Wave him off (smiling, but dismissively) without even talking to him if you can manage it. If you must speak....make it minimal and brief. Then sashay off without incident or engagement.

The "sashay" part is important.

It projects an unhurried and confident walk. No scurrying, scooting or slinking allowed, ya hear? Don't look scared, sad, or angry. Look and act civilly...as if you already are the healthy person you are becoming without his chaos.

star*fish, that's what I'm talkin' bout, thank you!!

Now...what's your number?

(I'M the funniest friend!!)

We do have visitations set & our (now very temporary) intermediary has communicated all this. Just an eensy weensy part of me worries he's going to show up though. And I will offer him swaps on soccer nights, just not tomorrow.

I love it. Thanks! (still hopes not to see him)

Mortarman worked out something w/ his brother, where if he saw his WW coming up to him, he would quickly text his brother, and then his brother would call him, giving him a reason to walk in the opposite direction.

~ Marsh