Re-phrasing the question...

If STDs weren't an issue (meaning there was no such thing), I'd like to know what others think about continuing sexual relations with a WS?? (Some FWSs or FBSs out there will say that's what kept them together.)

Hmmm... I would have a very hard time doing that knowing she's been sexually active with another man...

I'd have to insist on an STD test before I'd do anything...

prepare for incoming!

On a serious note, I would not have relations with an active WS. We have folks here who got cooties from doing this.

prepare for incoming!

Yea, you betcha! I can only ask "why in the heck would you want to put serious health risks aside?

In Dr Shirlee Glass's book Not Just Friends she clearly states that the two bigest impediments to recovery are :

1) the pregnancy of the OW

2) the contraction of an STD or HIV.

so putting those two most prominent impediments aside, why would you even ask?

All Blessings,
Jerry

Well, I might not be too afraid of getting gonorrhea, syphllis, or chlamydia, except for the drug resistant strains. Crabs would be annoying because they tend to spread to others in the home. Herpes is a little worse because you have it for life and it would spread to any future partners if you ended up divorced.

I would be more frightened of getting the HPV virus that causes cervical cancer or oral cancer years later. And HIV would be awful because, although it may be treatable nowdays, you have to take the expensive meds 4 times a day exactly on schedule for the rest of your life.

Then they are thinking there may be other sexually transmitted viruses that cause multiple myeloma and other horrible diseases. And I KNOW I wouldn't want to take a chance with those.

But other than the health risks, and damage to your soul, I think it is FINE to have sex with a husband who is having sex with another woman.

<thread jack alert>not necessarily years. FatSlag gave me HPV 16 and I developed cervical cancer within months. Two years later I am still unable to shake off the virus.

Thanks lied to. I thought it was years. Glad you are being monitored.

So far so good!

But than you say:



Beliver, I have always respected your O here, but to make such a callous statement as the above has left me indescribably baffled. How could you endorse such a horribly risky behavior. As one who has contracted HPV as a result of my FWW, your statement seems to have thrived from one who has dodged that bullet.

I won't stand silent. DON'T DO IT!

aLL Blessings,
Jerry

Jerry - That was meant to be facetious. Sorry.

Jerry - I think you are totally not understanding where Believer is coming from. She is in no way endorsing it. Sheesh.

This is a subject that makes me very angry. I didn't have a choice. My ex had sex with both me and the OW, sometimes on the same day, before I found out he was having an affair. And I've always waited for marriage to have sex.

Here's my opinion....NO NO NO and NO....of course, I don't exactly follow my OWN advice, but I'm just saying..


Here's why....For women, it's like being single all over again. You do it, looking for love. He leaves or keeps up with the OP and you end up hating yourself for it. It eats at you self-confidence and self-esteem. You don't need that. Also, sex is dealing with a whole range of emotions, ones that just muddles up your thinking. Also, if he doesn't start seriously recovering the M,you just end up angry and resentful towards your WS. Sex is more than just a physical act. We are not like animals, no matter what modern society says.

Now for BS that are male, things may be different. I don't know, since I am female. I do find it interesting that Dr. Harley doesn't direct this subject more directly and precisely in SAA.

this is just my two cents worth,,,,,

not2fun

I wasn't given the option of knowing.

This is definitely a biased opinion. Having been given an STD by my WW, I can say it has been the absolutely most difficult thing to deal with as far as recovery goes. Should recovery not be successful, it will continue to be something I have to deal with in all future relationships.

I just can't see how it is worth the risk.

I notice lots of people reading and responding to the message board, but not tempted to answer this question, hmmm.

Why would anyone be OK with allowing the WS to eat cake? Sorry, but ew! I was appalled that my H was having sex with both me and OW, and even more disgusted that OW (while not crazy about it) allowed it. I don't know about the rest of you, but the idea of resuming SF even after the STD tests came back clean was difficult for me. Mental movies are a real mood crusher.

SS - I thought the answer to the question was obvious? What kind of replies were you expecting?

I'll jump in at risk of getting my head chopped off.
She was obviously having sex with both of us at first without me knowing and she (ha ha) ended up with Chlamydia? as a result.
Her attitude to sex is very much an important EN. When she wanted to come and make love I didn't stop her a) because it was good and b) because I felt close to her.
I then found out after she had a few drinks that she hadn't slept with him in several weeks after a big argument.
We haven't had sex in the last 10 days more down to me putting my foot in it (see other post) than any sexual issue and she still says she is not sleeping with him.
Oh and I forgot to add that recently last week, she told one of her best friends sex with the OM was boring (Before she stopped), when she used to put it in my face in the immediate aftermath of d'day that he was amazing and bigger than me.....funny how much they lie heh.

So in summary, I think it depends on the individual man or woman. I satisfied an EN without realising that she had stopped with him. I don't think me fulfilling that particular EN stops her ending things with him, but instead acts as part of Plan A to remind her what I am like with her in bed and what she will lose.

Difficult one, I know she felt guilty a little bit doing it with me as well and it doesnt happen regularly but I would say it is a positive that she is now bored with him and excited with me again.

If I go to Plan B and she doesnt have that anymore, I will have shown sex with her to be in a good light...I think!

Melody...

Cooties...??? Is that a medical term? LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That takes me all the way back to... Kindergarten…

Yep... I got cooties from a girl named Stephanie… I may still be infected…

On a serious note: My MIL is the administrator for the STD clinic at the county health dept. (And it’s a county very close to you Melody...) There are things out there that are a lot worse than aids or HPV…

I was at MIL’s house one day… WW comes up and put’s a book in my face and say’s here look at this… (Close your eyes if you don’t want to be grossed out) It was a picture of a P*nis that had been infected by a sexually transmitted flesh eating disease. It was literally hanging on by a thread of skin… Grossed me out… Still does…

So... Like Believer said... Have at it... enjoy yourself...

Hope you can live with yourself when you're done... (Or at least what's left of you)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

STD's are an issue... you can't ignore them... I wouldn't take the chance...

Hmmm...Honey... lets have sex...

Ok...

(2 mins later...) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks honey.... I'm going to live with the OM, divorce you, take our kids, take half your posessions and ruin our lives forever... BTW... I left you a goodbye gift under your foreskin... Just a little something to remember me by for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...Enjoy...

Get the picture? Why take that chance?