I am changing my life a lot right now. I am applying to graduate programs (all of which are, by necessity of a specialized major, far from my home) one of which I have been accepted to (joy!). I will need to leave my fiance while I am at grad school because he has commitments in our hometown for a while. We have talked and I promised to come back after school, but now, I am not so sure I won't just love it out there and stay.

Second, I am recently coming back to a more devoted relationship to Christ through my mother's influence. I had lost my faith completely, my fiance brought me back to it, my mother deepened it. My fiance is a Christian, and a good man, but he is not and has never been on the same, deeper level that I am now. We have slept together and both thought it was OK because we loved each other, but now I see that is false, and he has supported me in the decision not to sleep together anymore.

Now two things are worrying me:

1) I am leaving to boundless opportunities and he is staying in a place where he will not be able to grow. I am afraid we will grow apart.

2)I am worried that he is not as deep a Christian as I have become, and I worry that his faith, though genuine, is not a central focus in his life.

On another note, I am also wondering if our sexual relationship before marriage will spoil our marriage or means we do not truly respect each other, or whether it means that we should marry directly because of our sins.

Any help would be appreciated.

Congratulations on the many positive things happening in your life! I thought I'd point out that you may get better advice on the Emotional Needs Forum, since this forum deals with infidelity. But I had a few thoughts...take it or leave it:


Why will he not be able to grow? Distance is difficult, but it doesn't mean the end of a relationship. I had a school related long distance romance with my H for a year before he moved back to our area, and we survived. God'd plan will prevail.


Pray, pray, pray! Nothing is too big for God. You can only change yourself...nothing you can do about your fiancee. But God can change him. Also, be a light to him. Share what you are learning. Ask him to share what he is learning with you. Read the Bible together over the phone and pray together each night. You will both grow, and your relationship will be built on the rock.


There are always consequences to our sin, but God is a God of forgiveness and reconciliation. He forgives us and separates us as far as the east from the west. Confess, ask forgiveness, and accept that the price has been paid...the past doesn't own you. Determine to live each of your todays for Christ and make the best choices for your relationship possible from this day forward. Good luck, and God bless!

God will close doors and open doors. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Just like Wonderin said, pray, pray, pray and read your bible. God doesn't play a shell game with us and make us guess. If your being faithful it will be revealed in His time.

As far as SF before marriage, also as wonderin said, God forgives. But it is a commitment to do this and thus marriage is important. As many of the people on this board will attest, that is something supposed to be reserved to the person you are married to, not going to be married to. If you do "drift" apart and meet someone else, then you will regret it for sure. You want to save that for your spouse.

Thank you for your advice. I have been praying, and praying. I am blessed that my fiancee has been responding positively to my efforts to pray with him and for him. I think we are becoming closer. It will be difficult to remain close with the distance, but relationships are work.

emilemur,

I'm not going to try and give you any advice on your faith or your questions...

But I did read a post that was very good... It was about what the bible says the roles of husbands and wives should be...

Here it is...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=