I expect that this might sound insensitive to some folks here, but I would like to know, just the same if I am the only one who is disturbed by this.

I have noted a number of folks who seem to stop in and start a thread and ask for help, advice, encouragement, and then either completely ignor any offered, argue as to why it won't work in their situation, or just simply never come back to the thread and respond. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Then they turn around and start yet another thread where they ask the same questions, get the same answers or suggestions, and again ignore, argue, or disappear.

This makes me want to go AGRRRRR. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Is it just me or dos this bug anyone else?

Who

I'm middle-aged and have OCD tendencies. I like to keep things SIMPLE and STRAIGHT. It bugs me, too. Why can't everybody do things my way? Just kidding... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just don't post to those folks. It doesn't work for me.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

I don't get angry about these posters...I more just wonder whatever happened to them and their situation.

Mimi,

Great suggestion, sometimes I don't notice that it's the same person and get sucked in. Being middle-aged myself, I just chalk it up to getting a bit forgetful.



Who

I can't answer why someone doesn't come back and check out what someone would say to them, or not use the advice that is so graciously offered.

In the beginning of finding this website, I remember being so desparate for answers. I would post and not get any answers and then post again on a new thread thinking that I would try something else to get people's attention.

Maybe people are just in that desparation mindset thinking that this is going to be made or broken today.

Does that make sense?

Then again, maybe there are sick people out there who really don't like the advice that you are giving them and they keep looking around until they get the answers they want.

I mean it doesn't work for ME because I can't keep up with their situation well enough or understand them well enough to feel that I can be of assistance.

I totally get that, I just was offering why they might be doing it. Because I remember being in that mindset. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi there Ms. Mimi, how are you today?

Yes. I came on this site desperate also. I also would post, not get a reply, and go to another section and re-type. Although sometimes I have been directed to do so, in order to get better visibility for my issue, and put the query in the right area.

The other part is I see that some people don't like the advice/answer they get, they disagree, and move along and re-post in the hopes someone like-minded will answer.

One of the things I am proudest of as a result of MC is an ability not only to "see" the other side to an arguement, but WELCOME the opinion that is different than mine. Diversity and the ability to allow in other attitudes and approaches to a problem I have helps me grow as a person.

My H has made so much progress allowing and listening to those that have a difference of opinion.

I was the head of my debate team in college, I love to argue...but intelligently.I love to engage in a discussion and have my view blown apart by the intelligence and knowledge of another. Really.

I embrace that. If you feel strongly against an opinion of mine....BRING IT ON! Convince me. I have respect and admiration for anyone who is able to admit they are wrong. I find that the male animal seems to have more difficulty admitting fault. That may not be true, but in my world that seems to be the case.

That is defintely not true of everyone.

Just don't feel like your posts to these people are wasted.

I cannot tell you how many times I benefitted from reading posts to folks who didn't get it, and kept wanting alternate advice than what they had. I learned far more from the disagreements than from just "you should do this" and then I did it.

Though I doubt I said anything at the time.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Whew, I thought I was the only one!

The ones where the person posts and feels "beat up" and disappears are the ones that worry me. I wonder how they are doing. There are a couple I can think of right now that I have come back to see if they have come back.

The ones that bother me are the ones that are "questionable". By that I mean you read their stitch and a little voice in your head says "troll". You don't want to hurt the person if they are telling the truth but at the same time you don't want to waist your time so someone can get their jollies.

I was a drive-by poster and my story is spread amongst a number of short threads. I felt the same as Queenie - desperately in need of help but at the same time overwhelmed with everything that was happening. Also, so many threads were 100's of pages long - way too much to go through when your brain is half functioning and in a panic no less. I didn't NOT take advise - I welcomed it in fact. But it was oh so hard to pull off a plan A when my WSTBX was out the door so quickly after D-day. I've only just recently figured out how this site works and now I follow a few of the long threads (I can see how they get so long so quickly). It's too late to save my M but I'm learning about what I could of done, where I made my mistakes and how to live with myself now.

Please don't begrudge the drive-by's.

Tabby,

The timing on our sitchs are amazingly close. Why do you think it's too late for you?

Do you want your M?

Honestly Q, I just can't take the lies and abuse. In addition to his A, I discovered that he had stolen in excess of $5K from the joint account over the previous year, failed to pay our huge LOC debt (paid interest only) for 18 months or more (that's as far as the records would go that I could access for free), broke in and stole items from the house and the shed after he had moved out and signed off on it - even stole food from my fridge and even broke into my new boarder's room and stole stuff from her. He denies it all, but I have evidence. Despite implementing a Plan B, he continues to not only make contact but to do so in the most demeaning ways possible (he brings OW to my sporting events etc.). He is not just a cheat but a liar, a thief and an extremely mean person. It may be the fog or the alien possessing him, but I just don't like him anymore and I really am better off without him.

Well FWIW, it did occur to me that in some of the cases, the poster was in a melt-down state, which is why I continued to respond.

Believe me, I will never forget just how I felt on d-day and shortly after. I couldn't sit still let alone eat or sleep.

I do see a problem for some of these folks tho who keep asking the same question over and over again over many different threads because people do tend to stop posting to them.

I hope I didn't sound too harsh, because I didn't mean to. There are several folks here who I am quite concerned about because they appear to be stuck in the panic stage and are unable to really do any of the things that they need to do to try and save their marriages.

Who

Tabby, it sure sounds like you are better off for now, but when the A ends, if he shows that he has changed into a good person, hopefully you have read enough here that you would at least consent to evaluate the possibility of reconciling.

Bringing her to your sporting events? Yuck! Bet she eats her heart out tho, to see you all sweaty and energetic. Unless she is even sicker than most OW's, she probably does not really like him watching you, either. Just be yourself and glow...you outshine her any day!

Oh no, I didn't think you sounded harsh at all, just looking for information to a great question.

Tabby,

How are you doing now? What are you doing for yourself to survive and thrive?

Guilty!! I did it too when I first came here because I didn't quite understand how "threads" work. I thought it was like a chat thing where you start a new one everytime <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm guilty of drive by postings. I think the biggest reason is because of the meltdowns I go through and a state of depression I have been in. I have been in a "discovery" phase for over a year since I found MB, with an H who hasn't stepped up to the plate most of the time and that has been debilitating for me. One of my earlier IC's tried to get me on AD but I won't take them.

I am very unpredictable with this. It's a roller coaster for me and I know there are days when I can post and be ok and there are days where all I can do is read. At times I would be so depressed that I couldn't bring myself to post, even if I wanted to, because I didn't know where to start even. It felt overwhelming.

Also, there are times when the advice I'm given needs to sink in and I'm not ready to respond for awhile.

In the past, on occassion, if I posted to someone on someone else's thread I may have told them it was a drive by because I didn't know when I would be back. And sometimes I do want to get back to people and just can't because it's time consuming and I don't always have the time. Not considerate I know.

Maybe I should put something like "WARNING! I'm a drive by poster" or something in my sig line.

I don't know, I do feel really bad when I don't always get back to people but I'd hate to totally quit posting.

Sometimes I'll be posting to someone and something comes up and I have to leave the board and cannot contine to chat and may not be able to get back to that person for awhile.

And I post on many threads and sometimes I can't get to them all.

This is a problem for me.

And you know what else I do? I tend to avoid my own thread sometimes because it's just too painful to go there sometimes. I'll avoid mine and go check out someone elses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />