Help! I just found out that my H is having an EA with some woman that lives in another state.

Here is what happened. My H became distant to me several months ago. I thought it was just stress at work. Then in december I got a speech, not sure if he wanted to be married to me. I was devastated (we have a 5 year old daughter together). We have been married almost 19 years.

Any how, we went to one marriage counseling session. After that, he moved down into the basement. I then proceeded to go through cell phone bills. I found a certain number out of state that he was texting and calling that very day he separated from me (and took off his wedding ring). Any how, he said he wants to date right now to work on relationship which we have been doing since then.

Any how, I overheard through the floor an intimate conversation he was having one night. I confronted him about this, and he told me he just met person and she has a profound effect on him (she's divorced and his age). He told me she does not want a relationship now. Then why the ****** do they keep talking if she does not want a R????

What do I do. PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Welcome. Plan A is the starting point, where you show him what a great wife you can be. It includes figuring out what his top emotional needs are and meeting them. Also no love-busting, angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements.

Thank you. I will have to find out what plan A is. I am trying to show him what a great wife I am. However he thinks I don't love him anymore even though I have told him over and over. Thinks I love my horse more than him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What are his top emotional needs? Usually for men it is sex and admiration. But his could be domestic support, recreational companionship, who knows? There is an emotional needs questionnaire here. See if he will take it, or you can figure it out.

Do you spend 15 hours a week doing fun things together? That is also advised.

Do you spend more quality time with your horse?

Actually no i don't spend more Q time with my horse. I have always rushed time with horse to get back to family.

Let me tell you the story. Evidently I was not giving him enough attention after we had dd 5 years ago.

He became distant, and then got a not sure I want to be married speech in december.

We went to one m counseling session in january and after that he separated (on the same day). That same day, he started chatting and texting other woman.

then he says he wants to date me. So we have been dating, but he is still unsure.

So did he have complaints before? Those are the things you need to work on.

Yes and I am working on those. Everything that he's complained about I am doing to fix.

What scares me is he is thinking about moving out of the house completely. That will give him free rein to do whatever. Should I discourage it? Then what do I do? This will have a negative effect on dd. She is already starting to act out and I may need to get family counseling for her.

His top emotional needs - communication and of course attention, sex. But I feel him distant as of course he is thinking of this woman that he said has a profound effect on him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The thing that confuses me. He has recently told our friends that he thinks we might get back together. Yet then he says to me that he cannot say when he wants to come back and work on our marriage. I can't tell you how hurt I am.

Well, I would double up on the sex and attention.

It would be a HUGE mistake for him to move out of the house. That just brings more distance.

See if you can get him to do fun things with you. Don't talk relationship talk because they get tired of that and feel trapped. Woo him back. Treat him like you did when he fell in love with you.

ok. However I do not know how I am going to keep him in the house. I do not know how to discourage it.

If he is really going to leave to other house, should I say I know why you are going because of OW? I heard he may be going to see if he misses me. yeah right. I am not born yesterday. Ow is 4 states away - as far as I know she has travelled to this area not too long ago. And she will do it again I am sure if she is interested in my H.

I did mention going bowling and taking dd. He did not say yes or no about it.