It was with my best friend and it happened in my house. She wasn't going to him because of what are relationship lacked, or so she says. Drugs and alcohol had a lot to do with she says. I don't know who to trust or what is truth. I have no one to turn to, so I thought I would come here. Can someone please shed some light on this kind of infidelity. The kind that just happened because she wanted to do it, and if it could happen again. They say " Once a cheat always a cheat", is this accurate. Please help if you can.

Double betrayal.

That sucks. There are others here who have experience the same.

First thing, purchase and read "Surviving an Affair". Before you get it, read everything you can about infidelity on this website.

Read about No Contact letters, which your W will have to write to the OM, although you will mail it. You will both have to have NC with the OM for life.

You will need a plan for recovery, and marriage builders is as good as any, and better than most.

There is a great deal of support here, but remember it is a volunteer site.

You may wish to copy/paste your first post over to General Questions II, as it is much busier, and you'll get more responses. Many who would advise you there, stay away from the Just Found Out forum, as it brings back some crushing memories.

Most everyone here has been impacted by infidelty and will give you advice to keep you from making the same mistakes we did, making your drive for recovery more efficient.

Some of the things you'll be instructed to do are counter-intuitive, so you may be surprised and/or reluctant to do some things. But do know that this site can be very helpful.

Sorry you have a need to be here...we know the pain...hang tough!

Your wife is involved in drugs and alcohol. She has sex with your best friend and she has sex with him in your own home. She tells you she did it because she wanted to do this.

This is such a huge betrayal on multiple levels. First she engaged in assume in unprotected sex which means that you both should be checked for STD's. Second, she does it with you best friend knowing for a fact how much pain this would inflict on you. Thirdly, she has sex in your home which shows the total distain she has for you and your marriage. Finally, her response that she did it because she wanted to do it and drugs were involved says it all.

From purely what you have written I would think about contacting a lawyer to understand your legal options. Why would you wish to remain with such a person. Her actions indicate that she has nothing but contempt for you and your marriage. She has humiliated and totally disrespected you in your home and played you for a fool. If you do not respect yourself then who will? How could you ever feel proud to have her as your wife? You deserve a better future. I wish you luck.

How long have you been married? Any kids?

Ham, when was Dday? How did you find out? Have you both started NC?

Dday was December 5th of 2007. I had been arguing alot with her about hanging out with him. I would tell her it is inappropriate for her to be hanging out at night with another man, especially 1-on-1. We have started tne NC rule. He lives so close (about 2-3 hundred yards away from our home). Well, one day I told her I would be a little longer at work, when I was actually on my way home. I knew her and my son were over there, so I went to his basement door and looked in the window. The blinds he had were all messed up so there were huge openings. Well, when I looked in , they were both sitting across from each other smoking a cig. I thought she had seen me so I ducked away, and then in the corner of my eye I saw there shadows closing in on each other, then I looked back in the window and they were kissing. It was the most painful experience I have ever had to face. In the last 9yrs of my life, my sister, mother and father have all died, in that order and all this home. They both went through that pain with me and then do this. I have nobody else but her and my son. I feel so much anger right now, and for the last week. My thoughts are racing all around. I wish it would just stop.

It will be had to recover and near impossible to maintain NC with the OM living so close. You should sell your home and move before the affair gets a chance to restart.

WW will not be able to go through withdrawal if she still sees the OM. Everytime that you see the OM it will set you back to Dday.

How do you know that there has been NC? Especially when you
live so close to the OM?

When did you confront the WW? What happened? What did WW say? What has the OM done since then?

I totally agree about moving, but we can't afford it right now. One problem is she seems dead set against sending him a NC letter, which honestly worries me. She says she feels no need for it, but when this POS drives by he actually waves. He waved to me about a week after I caught them. I don't actually know if there has been NC.

He WAVES to you? What a (bbllleeeepppp), oh that makes me so mad! You have to set boundries with her. A BIG part of you even starting to recover is establised NC for life. That would require a NC letter. If she is dead set against it that is a red flag. Keep an eye on her, I have a feeling they are still in contact.

I agree!

I agree! Discovery has driven them way underground! Keep your radar on high alert.

You are working so why can't you afford to move?

Bills and the general cost of living, plus I have a special needs child to support.

Ham..
get some advice from a counselor.. at church or elsewhere
1. your wife must FIRST stop using any druggs and alcohol
2. you must give her the support she needs to do this
3. she needs to join a 12 step group and attend meetings
you both need couples counciling.. so that you have a plan of action.. what both of you need to do..
dealing with a drug addicted mate and a specila needs chuild is a lot of work..its DOABLE but you need to recognize the burden you carry .. get help and advice..
all the best
jerseyboy

Bullsh^t! You pay rent there, you move and pay rent somewhere else. You must remove your WW away from the OP.

I registered here 12/13/07, but have lurked here for over five years. You wouldn't believe the number of people I seen here that their marriage failed because they would not make it a priority to get their spouse away from the OP.

Or the number of times that I read where a WS admitted that they could not come out of the fog until they moved away from the OP.