Hi,
I just found out yesterday that my husband has been cheating on me over the last 5 to 6 months.
I am currently 4.5 months pregnant.

He admitted to it, after I had the woman (a coworker) admit it to me first.

I'm devastated, as I just found out my dog of 7 years has cancer (on friday we found that out).

My H has apologized, said he has "f'd up" and wants a second chance. He said it's "over" now and he's tried leaving her a few times (yeah right!). He just slept with her on Wednesday.

Also, this however is not the first time he has betrayed me. He had emotionally cheated on me with several woman the year we were married (2006). And just a couple of months ago, he hit me on my head very hard.

Please let me know what am I to do. I know i'm in a convenant, and i should therefore try to work it out. but i'm just tired of the lies and the pain. i'm just tired.

First off I want to say how much I admire spouses who follow christian marriages. THAT IS REAL HONEST DEVOTION.

That said, I know of NO COVENANT that allows REPEATED adultery and physical violence. Hand him his walking papers NOW.

i know what u'r saying. and my brain is screaming that (along with some friends who have sense). i'm just at a loss here cuz i've never been in this situation..
thank you for your response.

Just FYI, according to the Bible, divorce is allowed in cases of adultery. You are no longer bound by covenant to stick with your H.

If your wish though is to forgive your H and recover your M, among other things, your H needs to leave that job. NC must be established with his A partner(s).

God knows that too.

But the question that I have is does your husband know that?

What is your husband's relationship with God?

I am a Christian woman, married to a non-believer for 18 yrs, 2 kids. Just found out on Jan. 4 that he has been in an affair for over a year. He didn't confess when I confronted him with suspicions, so I had to do some serious snooping to confirm. He had decided through counseling to end the affair, had stopped seeing her, but was still very emotionally involved and calling/e-mailing her a lot. I was devastated. The only time I know of in the scripture that Jesus spoke about divorce, he said divorce is only allowed in cases of adultery. He did NOT say divorce is REQUIRED in those cases.

I spent a lot of time in prayer, and sought support from a couple of Godly friends in the church. Those friends were NOT judgemental about my husband, and didn't try to tell me what to do. They prayed with me - for wisdom, strength, the ability to forgive (both hubby and mistress), and that however I decided to handle things, the light of Christ would shine brightly through me. We also prayed together that however things worked out, my husband would see Jesus in it and he would be brought to salvation.

I decided that I love my husband, I have failed to meet his greatest emotional needs (and that contributed to his "willingness" to have an affair), I want to keep my family together, and I'm willing to try hard to repair our marriage. We're in counseling and working on this constantly. It's been very stressful, but divorce would be stressful too. It's too early to tell whether we can succeed, but I am convinced for now that this is what God wants from me.

Forgiveness is essential, whether you stay in the marriage or not. We, as Christians, are commanded to forgive. We're also told to pray for our enemies. Through sincerely praying for the mistress, and praying over and over for God to give me a forgiving heart, I have actually been able to forgive her. Still working on forgiving my husband - he betrayed me, lied to me repeatedly, and gave serious thought to leaving his family for this woman, and I think it will just take longer to truly forgive that. But I am a lot less bitter already.

I suggest you surround yourself with Godly friends in whom you can confide, you pray with them often, you pray constantly on your own, and you LISTEN for God's answer as to whether you stay or go. Honestly, I had always believed that I would never continue a marriage if my husband cheated on me. But after one really angry confrontation when I first found out, God has given me the strength to address our issues relatively calmly. My husband is shocked that I didn't just throw him out, and that I've been so civil. (Still praying that he will come to know Jesus!)

One of my friends who counseled with me said [color:"blue"] "only GOD can heal you, and you need to LET Him heal you." [/color] Take those words to heart, because He's who you need, now more than ever.

God bless you!

thank you maninmotion; foreverhers; and Godcanheal.
every bit of kind and wise words has helped me through one more day and made things a bit clearer.

God can heal:

Since my marriage is so screwed up, I have begun to relight my relationship with God. I mean, I have given Him the reigns to my marriage, to do with what HE pleases. But, its a learning process and I make a ton of mistakes. But, in all honesty, my searching for him has given me the little peace and happiness I have at this point. I really mean that if it wasn't for HIM , I really don't know what I would have done. Nothing positive, thats for sure.

My wife is a steady church goer, me, I go alone now because my wife would make fun of me if I went with her because she says I kinda forfeited my right to seek since I doubted for so many years. I pray to God EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for her to consider her vows in the EXACT same light that YOU have described. I mean it was right on and beautiful. The Christian way of looking at marriage gives the marriage SUCH a chance of really staying together.

Pregandsadwife. These good people CHERISH marriage. Pray to God, he WILL lead you to making the right decision. BUT IF HE EVER TOUCHES YOU AGAIN, YOU STUFF HIS BUTT IN THE SLAMMER , GOT IT? Maybe you would take the chance of getting hurt when you were one alone, but now, you got something more important to protect. That baby needs a HEALTHY mom. I will pray for you.

thanks gabagool. i appreciate your honesty and your story. it sounds like you are really trying to live a Christian life - and i respect that tremendously.
i really respect your strength to continue to build a relationship with God no matter what. I have my doubts during these hard times - but I always go back in knowing that God is here and watching over me.
This part "I have given Him the reigns to my marriage, to do with what HE pleases. " that part is the hard part for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am very independent, and very much a go getter. So it's hard for me to let go and let God at times. And as you can imagine, that is what I will need to do if I do continue with this marriage.. this convenant.

Also - thanks for your comment re: hitting me. I know. When he did that a couple of months ago he swore he would do the counseling thing and anger management thru church thing. And he's 'started', but hasn't continued at this point. But we will see. And yes, if he did touch me again, I wouldn't second guess whether I need to give him a chance - and simply press charges (btw: there is a two year limitation on domestic violence where I am. So I'm still thinking over this past occasion).

Again, thank you for your advice, your words of wisdom and your prayers.

I pray for you and that you will get closer to God by the minute.