It was suggested (by Mulan and others) in one of my post that maybe we should start a post for those of us that stayed in our marriages even when there was no real recovery.

I think most of us tried to use MBers philosophies, but for whatever reason, we either didn't follow through or . . .

In my case, I was getting competing and conflicting advice from so many different people that I didn't know which end was up. Most importantly I just couldn't bring myself to believe that my wife could possible do something like this again. I'm not stupid, I even told her that she would probably cheat on me again, but I really don't think I believed it. But the signs were there, she never came clean about her affair, maintained that she loved me, but isn't in love, continued to work with the OM, simply put she never recommitted herself to our marriage.

Ok, that's a short version of my story (LOL), let's hear yours. If we can't learn anything from each other, at least we can be there for support!

GT, you do understand that getting conflicting advice is not why you didn't act, right? People ALWAYS get conflicting advice when they ask numerous people, but it is still THEIR JOB to sort it out and ACT. Getting conflicting advice is not an excuse to do nothing.

You don't NEED an excuse to do nothing, it is your life, and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. But I think that folks should take accountability for their own choices rather than blaming it on others.

p.s. I also think it is a good idea to start a thread for folks who choose to live with status quo. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay (raises hand)

I'm supposed to be working now but just wanted to volunteer my shame.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Mulan

Well, I guess you'd have to put in the group right now. I will not have a recovered (MB) M if we stay together.

Most of you know my story, and it's ongoing, so I think you can easily find it if you're interested.

Doing things backwards. BS-NC Letter:

I wrote this letter prior to the letter my wife claims to have sent to the OM (which I've never seen). My counselor read the letter and thought I should send it to the OM.

So, I thought some of you might get a kick out of the letter I sent and his response. His response actually surprised me.

I'll start with his reply and then my letter.

_________________________________________

GrovetuckyOhio,

I apologize for crossing the line with WW, and for what damage you, or your marriage may have incurred by it. It won't happen again. I know you probably can not accept this apology, and I understand that. I have thought about your comments below. Most of which are warranted. I would only like to know that you have received this apology.


Sincerely,
New OM

______________________________

My original email to the new OM.

New OM,

By now I am sure you are aware that it recently came to my attention that you began an email dialog with WW concerning the fact that you are still carrying a junior high crush on her and that you would be interested in meeting her for lunch, dinner or a weekend.

I would like to say that I am surprised by this and even WW’s response, unfortunately and sadly I am not. Seeing as you have been divorced twice and watching your interaction with your girlfriend during the class reunion getaway weekend I am not at all surprised that you would be seeking out your junior high girlfriend and/or a married woman for a relationship.

WW has promised that there is nothing to be concerned about, that she would never date you or see you in a romantic way even if we were to divorce. But I am aware that her response to you would or might indicate something different. I think a fair analogy would be that you went fishing and you got a bite. So you figured what the heck, you might as well stick some more bait on there and see what you can catch.

While you have obviously crossed the line of social and moral decency by trying to have a relationship with a married woman, I have to be honest when I say I am not surprised. As I remember, I did not have a very high opinion of you when we were kids growing up and as it turns out I think even less of you as an adult. I am truly saddened and sickened by the fact that someone like you has involved themselves in my life in any way.

If WW wishes to have a relationship with you, that is her right. I would not consider getting in her way if she were to choose to leave me for you or any other man. All I ask is that she is honest, does nothing behind my back and files for divorce so that my daughter and I can move forward with our lives.

As for your comments concerning WW and my wedding and how you got lost dancing with her and how she told you that you were her first true love, etc . . . That’s a tough one since neither WW or I have any recollection of you being there or being invited to our wedding.

Finally and most importantly I would like to address your comment concerning your feelings towards not having children and how you often think of WW and daughter. I have to scratch my head on this one and assume what you seem to be implying here. That comment might be the exclamation mark on what kind of person you are. So I will put this in the strongest terms possible, you are to never bring my daughter up again. Not to WW, not to friends, not to anyone. For as long as WW and I are still married, you are to never go near my daughter or my wife for that matter. You neither have the character or the intellect to be involved in my daughter’s life.

For now I believe I have said all I have to say on this matter and I am content to wait to see how you handle this situation and if needed make the necessary and appropriate decisions based on your actions.

Grovetuckyohio