Me and my ex husband were married 10 years and have 2 young kids together. It ended in divorce because we grew apart over the years. We had a pretty rocky marriage. We were apart for about 16 months. He got seriously involved with someone very quickly and it lasted a year and 1/2. I didn't get involved with anyone. I didn't even date. I took the time to get counseling, to find myself again and to work on changes that needed to take place within myself. I did a lot of soul searching. Me and my ex husband have reunited and we've been back together for almost 8 months. He has moved back home with me and our kids. He says that he feels like were still married. He still calls me his wife and calls himself my husband. I don't quite feel the same. We are divorced and it feels like that to me. It is almost confusing as to what he is exactly...boyfriend, ex or what??? Our relationship is thriving and it's the best it's ever been. The problem is, I want to be married again. I don't want to "just" live together. I do agree that rushing back into marriage after only being back together for 8 months is not a wise thing. He says that we should stay "legally" divorced for a while because we benefit more financially, but he does want us all living together. He says that he wants to get married again someday. I'm just afraid that by living together, marriage will keep being put off. I don't want to set the example for my kids that mommy and daddy are living together but their not married. My ex says that in their hearts and little minds, we are married. We both jumped into living together again with the intent of getting married again. The kids are estatic that were all together again and I think that another separation would harm them. I believe this could be considered fornication and he says, "no way". I really don't know what I'm asking. I guess I could just use some wise counsel/advice. I'm just concerned it's fornication and I'm scared the wedding may keep getting delayed.

Do you really want to re-marry this man?

Legal marriage, in my mind, is a separate institution from the actual condition of being married. The two states of connected and important to each other, but not the same. I felt like I was married to my wife long before we got around to having the ceremony. The ceremony was just a technicality, a formalization of a relationship that already existed. In your case, since you've been married before and have children, it would seem to me that this is even more the case.

Of course, it cuts both ways. Legal divorce is separate from the actual condition of being divorced. In my paradigm, people always marry and divorce in actuality long before they get married or get divorced. The legal status follows the emotional condition, not the other way around.

But that's just my two cents. Take it with a grain of salt.