Kanne
There are 2 Mb books on ebay in australia ATM
His Needs Her Needs
Ebay
Both from the same seller ending in 3 days.

Do you do ebay?

ed to add .. oops sorry same link, check other items this seller.

Melody. I told him it has took 18 months for the love to die and 7 weeks is nothing.
I am pushing for him to do the EN and LB but our printer is broken and he is taking his time to fix it as he thinks this site is rubbish and people are all different and don't fit in to nice little boxes. I think i can get him to do them i just need to push him to fix the printer.
He doesn't know why he fell in love with me he says he just did. He enjoyed my company.
We were only 16 and we are both a lot different now. However he still loved me two years ago and we weren't that different then.

I am doing flirty things. I lost 10 kgs I have revved up sex, communication, affection everything i can think of. He finds me attractive but is put off by too much sex and too much niceness he says. He thinks that it is unfair that i am putting all this effort in and he can't feel any respones to it emotionally. Sex was doing well until the last 2 days. He can't finish. He thinks he is too tired.(from not sleeping) but i wonder if it is a response to how unhappy and worried he is.

I think he is depressed. He says no way.

ozdreamer i do do ebay, no money this week but i will have a look. Thankyou i never even thought of ebay.

Okay. Bugger the money i have bid on the books on ebay. Winning so far.

Most men have admiration near the top of their EN list. Be sure to give him lots of admiration.

Can you overdo all this stuff though? I am showing admiration to all he has aspired to be in such a short time (subtly but not too subtle)and to the kind of father he is.
It seems to send him off on..I am not worthy.. mode. This is slightly different to the guilt of being involved with someone else. This seems more en rooted to himself and the fact he has failed. Failed to be completely truthful and faithful and in love, therefore failed to be a good father and H

Well, you can bet that the OW was admiring him. Maybe start gradually and then ramp it up.

I HATE the "I am not worthy mode". Hopefully he will get over it soon.

I'll second that.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I think that is depression talking.
I think.
I hope he will get over it soon as i feel like i am wasting my time pouring out all this love, interest, admiration, thoughtfulness, etc etc.
Though i guess i am doing it for me as well. This is how i want to be.

I wish the OW would disappear of this planet. I am certain i am not alone in that thought.(All OW or OM) I am alone in who to express it to though. My H has made his EA into a lot less than it was, but all blame he says is his. I dare not say a bad word on her. For some reason i defend her to my friends also. Maybe because she phoned me and sounded genuinely upset at the situation. Secretly i wish she would fly away to mars.

H went out last night. OW was there. Witnesses to say they only said Hi. But his phone received a 14 second call from her at 221am. I spoke to him at 3am and he was at a friends. He says just him and 2 male friends. H Annoyed that i am suspicious, but i am wary. I left her a message on her phone to absolutely not phone my H again ever. They can not be friends. Can't stop shaking.

hey there, your wh sounds sooo much like mine, the whole fallin' out of love, don't know if he can get it back, heard that at the begining of summer. he came back because it was the "right thing to do". ended up leaving again the day after Christmas. I ran into OW for the FIRST time the other day OH!! how I wanted to knock her to mars! but she's TWICE my size! My wh also says it's all his fault, not to blame her, not to blame myself, blah, blah! I so hate this for all of us! We should lobby and make it illegal again ;-)

soon

Okay. He convinced me that the phone call was a where are you all call.(they were out as a group) It was only 14 seconds long and he hasn't been acting odd or anything since. He also said he would have deleted it if he was trying to hide anything. (he deleted all previous contacts before i could see)

H has asked me if i would be interested in learning a subject that would help him with work he does at home. He says it means if he gets the promotion at work then i would be able to take over some of the home work.

I think i am going to have panic attacks forever.
I don't feel like my body can cope with the up and down feelings all the time.
I have overreacted and now can't eat again and have that well of sadness and distraction inside.
Sorry to sound so sorry for myself. I figure better here than dragging down H.

I am sorry to hear your H has left Serenitysoon. I was afraid my H would leave but at the moment he says thats not an option.
He wants to see if this will work.
I am trying to bombard him with happy family stuff but thats hard when your kids are ripping each others hair out. I just wonder why he would ever want to stay(me either)(only joking)
I hope your H(and mine)realises if they can't succeed in a relationship that has children and other commitments then there is little hope of ever being happy.

I am finding it hard to accept that 12 happy years can be rubbed totally out by a tough 18months.

I read on here somewhere that it should be a criminal offense to betray your partner or to be the OP involved with a married person. I feel like that too.

"H has asked me if i would be interested in learning a subject that would help him with work he does at home. He says it means if he gets the promotion at work then i would be able to take over some of the home work."

That sounds promising.

I'm disappointed that he had contact with the OW. It is like an addiction, and he needs to have no contact ever again for any reason. Otherwise withdrawal starts all over again.

Thanks for reply.
I know that this website says any contact is bad..but..
I have known H since he was 16. He has always been able to keep an emotional distance from people. Which is in fact why i think he is so worried about not feeling for me.
If a relationship. (Any at all) is uncomfortable or wrong in anyway, my H cuts them off. He has done this to me.
He has done it to his family.
In fact the only people my H has ever shown genuine affection and love for is myself and our children. I used to be so proud of that until i got took off the list.

What i am trying to say is that although my H cut me off and in effect replaced me with OW. He has now cut her off and says he only feels embarrassed that he got in to that situation.
He said how much he felt for her at the time and now says it was nothing.
He also says though he knows in his head how much he has always loved me, he can't feel or remember the feeling now.

I think he has cut her off from his emotions (it was a 2 month plus EA) and just needs to find a way to break the barrier through to his feelings for me.

Maybe its wishful thinking. Maybe i am foolish for thinking that. I don't really know whether i am coming or going.

What you are feeling is very normal. And you aren't foolish for having hope, because most husbands go back to their wives.

I'm just letting you know that chances are excellent that he IS just like all of the other WS's and when he has no contact, his desire for you will come back.

Thankyou. I really hope so. He phones from work just to say hello, which is something he hasn't done for a long time.

I think we need to stop putting pressure on ourselves. Me, to be perfect, and him to fall quickly back in love. Try to be friends who have fun together and companionship as well as sex and cuddles (not in that order) After all, that is how we all start out.

No one starts a relationship with demands to love each other.
In effect we are starting again (like many others here)

Only in balance to money worries and family pressures we have familiarality, shared life, loves(children)

That seems like a good start.

Wish it felt like it too.

Be sure to spend 15 hours a week doing fun things, without the children.

Meet each others top EN's.

You need to have a marriage that is better than the one before.

I'm right on it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Spoke to OW about short phone call. She apologised said she didn't remember and was pretty drunk. Says she wont phone him again. She isn't after him and wants my family to be happy.
Also said that from way H talked about me, she thinks what we have is too special to not recover and that she wants that for him too. MMMM!
Absurdely i felt much better after that.
So after telling H no pressure lets just be friends, lovers and parents and see what happens. H slept for 6 hours. Most sleep he has had for many months.
Hoping that with all advice i have from here and other people, we can start marching down a better road.

Has hubby written a no contact letter?

No. He told her in person just before xmas. She agreed but the place we live in isn't very big and she is friends with his friends. However the people that know have been watching and confirm that fri night he ignored her other than both saying hi! When she phoned him at 2am he told her he was off home. He wasn't but went to a friends to avoid contact.
She doesn't remember phoning him(?) but says she had been hassled all night about getting involved with my H when he is married with 4 kids and she was very upset.