Post deleted by MyHopeDontFloat

Post deleted by MyHopeDontFloat

this is bizarre

Post deleted by MyHopeDontFloat

Well, FYI, this site, Marriage Builders, is built on principles of building HONEST, OPEN marriages. Do you think your strategy goes along with this?

I know you're desperate & looking for answers. We all were when we came here, and we learned there is NO "quick fix" - only (mostly) long hauls. But worth it, if you do it right. So, do you want to save your marriage? If the answer is yes, then please, start reading.

Post deleted by MyHopeDontFloat

so you stall the D....

How do I do that? She is giving me everything except for some furniture. Other then that she is walking with nothing.
How do you stall? I am all ears my friend!

You never went to Plan B.

Go dark.

~ Marsh

Plan B in the other book was to take down pictures, quit calling, no emailing, no texting, no trying to run into them. If they initiate the contact then be nice, upbeat, and positive. But don't get into "us" conversations and never bring up the OM. Isn't that pretty much the same?

that's what your Lawyer is for.....

is this OM married???
Have you read "Surviving an Affair"?
Have you read "Her Needs, His Needs"?

You need to SLOW down. I know it seems like the whole forest is burning down, but Rome wasn't built in a day. If you want to save your M, you have to start at the beginning....

No, Plan B is supposed to be DARK. COMPLETELY!

It begins after you give her a Plan B letter. Did you do that?

~ Marsh

Borderline Personality Women

Let her go unless you also want to be husband # 5, 7 & 9

Given her history, all the past infidelities and such, I would say that you are fighting a very tough battle, one that even if you do manage to win and your W comes back to you, it will take a very serious effort by her to understand herself and why she acts the way she does.

Given that she's offering a very generous divorce settlement it really difficult to say you shouldn't persue that.

You need to sit down and think very hard about why you want to stay with this woman. It does not sound like you've had a very good marriage at all to me. You do not have children together, and she's willing to walk away with nothing right now.

If you choose to fight, then you need to first calm down. There is no rush, and a good well thought out plan is needed before you go floundering around half implementing ill understood plans.

Seriously think about what she would have to agree to in order for you to consider reconciling with her. Those are the things that need to be in a Plan B letter. Plan B is a tool for you to protect yourself from your WW's abuse until she is ready to meet your conditions for recovery. With her history, it sounds doubtful to me that she will be willing to do that, but it is still a good safe place for you to be while you figure things out.

Sorry you're hear man, sounds like you've been kicked around by your W for a long time. So long that you don't even know what a healthy, fulfilling M is. This place will help you with that though.

I agree with Tyk...I am very pro-save-the-M, even when people don't share children, but I think you have gotten mixed up with someone who is very toxic. You have distorted your own sense of reality and also your perception of love. This sounds more like co-dependant behavior, one where you are trying to save her after all of her years of abuse.

You have to realize, that once a person grows up (let's say after the age of 25 or so), they must deal with those past issues on their own. She doesn't sound like she is in any hurry to do that, but would rather barrel through life masking her pain by hurting others and leaving a wake of destruction.

You are young, you share no children, she is leaving and wanting things to end "quick and easy" and is therefore letting marital possessions go that she may be entitled to in our messed up court system. Take her up on it. Find someone to truly love and find a better mother for your child. This is not love, I'm afraid...

Unfortunately, you married a cheater (she cheated on you while you were engaged) who did not close the doors that she should have and left you both vulnerable to this eventuality. In doing so, you prolonged your agony for 8 years...I am sorry about that, but now is the time to move on with your life.

Some marriages are just not worth saving, and this one sounds like a poster child.

No kids together, your W has had countless affairs, and is willing to give you everything in the divorce.

I'd count my blessings, cut my losses, take the deal, and move on.

AGG

Wow! That was not what I expected. I never considered myself lucky, and don't feel that way either. Maybe the willingness to forgive no matter what was taught to me by my own father. My mom cheated on him with various men and he always took her back and forgave her. Maybe I am repeating his pattern. I don't know anymore. I am not co-dependent because I know that my life will be fine without and I don't have to have her in my life. I do love my wife very much, I am just fearful that this disorder could be the cause of her irrational behavior. Maybe I can't fix her, maybe I can't fix us. I am just very hurt and very confused.

Maybe I should clarify what I meant by "count your blessings". I meant that you have no kids together, so you don't have to subject children to the pain of the breakup of their family, nor are you losing custody of your children.

Also, she is willing to give you most everything in the divorce, so you are not ending up on the street.

Given the history you provided, I'd say you are lucky to be able to walk away from someone like her with your finances intact and your child still with you.

I do not mean to imply that you are lucky that your W cheated on you. But realize that many (most?) men in your shoes end up losing not just a wife, but also time with their children and a big part of their livelihood.

AGG

Ask Jamesus about this.

This walk is excrutiatingly horrible. But if we can remember the blessings and somehow focus on them, we give G-d the chance to work the miracles out in our lives that he has planned for us.

Thank goodness there's no kids.

Not all marriages can be saved. Not all should be saved.

This IMO is one.

She's a cheater through and through. Recovery is possible but unlikely.