ok me and the w have been back together now since Dec ... we split up in Feb/07... been doing the emotional rollercoaster ... we got back together in May... then then split again in july.... now it seemed that we realy going to try and work on things... so we got back together in Dec... I broke all contact with OW and she was going to break all contact with OM... but I just found out that she has been calling him for the last 3 weeks and sending emails... I confronted her and she said she doesnt know why she did it... the usualy he makes me feel good... bla.. bla.. bla... but she says she is not in love with him she loves me and said she could never talk to him again if i wanted ... she was crying saying she doesnt know why she he makes her feel good ... becuase he isnt doing anything different then what i am doing.... but she says that she feels like we are just best friends and the passion is not there( crying while saying all this)... I think im at the end of my rope... I love her to death... but I am tired of getting hurt by her ... Yes I also hurt her... but I was willing to work on everything and would do anything... but she just doesnt seem to want to put forth the effort.... its been a year since we first split up and I thought this wouls be over with now... either we moved on or back together and happy.... but still niether of them are happening... and no we never did to go to MC.

I just dont know anymore... thanx for any reply

It will take up to two years to recover what you had, but NC is essential. You need to watch her like a hawk to prevent her from contacting OM. Change her cell number, delete his contact info, block his email address, and have her write a NC letter that you approve and send. Then patrol for contact and enfore the NC rule with consequences if broken. Find a good pro-marriage counselor who will help guide you through this initial rough times. Also, both of you need to read Surviving An Affair.

I have the book "After an Afair"... it is realy good... but Im the only one reading it... she doesnt seem to have interest.... I want to show her this website.. and let her read the replies I get... should I? .. I know if she reads I should watch her like a hawk... she is going to think she has no privacy... something she has already said... but I told her Im sorry if i dont give u enough privacy so you can contact OM.

I would recommend you call the Harley's and set up marriage counseling/coaching ASAP.

If you are serious about your M, which it sounds like you are, this is your greatest chance to begin a healthy recovery.

MARRIAGE BUILDERS®
HOME STUDY COURSE
has anyone taken this course... can we take this course in place of going to MC

anybody/?

I have this course and it is excellent. Worth 10 times the price. Very discreet, private, and balanced. A good alternative when one spouse refuses MC or there just isn't money for it.

BUT.... I must tell you that this was something my H agreed to in lieu of MC when he was still in the A. He didn't want a live MC because a live MC would have seen through him.

It was all I could get at the time, and we learned from it, and without it as a tool, we'd probably not have made it this far. But it was not enough in the long run, because the A continued.

If your spouse will do this and nothing else, do this. A better option would be real live counseling with the Harleys. I think this is better than most local MCs who are not MB familiar.

To summarize:

Best = Harleys counseling or MB weekend
next = Home Study Course
next = MB friendly local MC
next = local garden variety MC (bad choice IMHO)

It's a great course, worth every cent IF both spouses are on board and want to build a great marriage.

We didn't have any effective MC at all unfortunately and the course really guided us and helped us save our marriage.

Highly recommended.