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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1
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lstdeft Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1
After the birth of our 2nd I knew I didn't want any more and that I wanted a vas. I'll give her that it was not diplomatic approach. She seems hellbent on me not having an opinion or sentiment before we had the discussion. During the arguments over the past three years it has come out. That for her the thought of having a 3rd by me is despicable to her. Even though she expects 50% of child rearing to be done by me she doesn't care that 50% of the team doesn't want any more. She boasts that had she wanted she could have gotten pregnant by me any time. We don't have sex because we don't connect emotionally but we don't have sex because she is choosing celibacy as birth control. It is almost like as child when someone says say pretty please with a cherry on top. For now this is it My wife found the article on why women leave men by Doc Harley, but it looks like that is the only thing she got from the entire site she wants to pick an d chose what to focus on .

Joined: Jan 2008
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Before my vas, I asked my wife if she wanted more children ( we have 2 boys ), she said yes. I told her point blank that due to financial reasons and other factors, I could only see us raising two. I told her to tell me what she thought about me taking control of the BC dept by having a vas. She wasn't happy but understood my point. I even gave her the option of divorce if she wanted more children, she was in her early 30's at the time. She admitted that she loved me and wanted no other children by anyone else. If I was a Millionaire, I would have given her the full house she desired, but it came down to economics and family stability.
She drove me there and back and even filled my pain med script afterwards. She will now admit that it was the best thing to do for our family. It has made SF more spontaneous and fun without the worry. My only advice is to get the pain meds filled while the procedure is being done. The numbness wore off before I could get a pill in me and I was in pain for about an hour or so. Not Fun, but bearable due to the fact she had a C-sect and a Vag Birth with our two boys. Good Luck. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Not Ashamed to Tell All


Me-39 Wife-38 Son-13 Son-11 Aniv-3-26-94
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Are you followng the MB principles? It sounds like your other issues are so big this discussion can't - and shouldn't - even be taking place right now. Have you identified her Love Busters and stopped doing them? Have you then identified her Emotional Needs and started filling them?

You're frustrated, I'm sure, but so is she. She won't be willing to work with you until she feels the marriage is a worthwhile place to be. Also, doing for the other person helps you relearn some compassion for them. Which also helps them relearn compassion for you.


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