I am writing my Plan B letter and will deliver this weekend. I have to find a way to let go and move on. The pain I feel is unbearable and my WH shows absolutely no signs of wanting to come back home. He is still with OW and he takes her out to parties and introduces her to everyone. It amazes me that people who KNOW ME are now so accepting of HER. HOW is that?? How can people just think what he has done and is doing is ok? He is MARRIED for goodness sake and he is having an AFFAIR and still people meet her and talk to her as if I NEVER existed.

I know that everyone who reads this feels the same way I do. HOW did this happen to me? HOW did my wonderful husband just QUIT on our marriage and our family? HOW does anyone walk out of a perfectly good life and not look back? I just don't understand.

I did Plan A for WAY too long. I probably should have done Plan B a long time ago. I just can't seem to grasp that MY husband, My best friend is GONE and may NEVER come back.

Plan B is to show HIM what it would be like if we were divorced, but it is also going to show ME what it will be like and that really scares me. I have had such a positive attitude and today I just feel so defeated. I want my HUSBAND back. I want my children to have their father home. I hate that this has happened.

Advice, words of wisdom, pep talk or just chit chat would be greatly appreciated!!

Sorry it came to this for you zorro.

You know, in your heart, if you have done enough. You know if you have made the changes YOU needed to make.

You also know that his decisions are not yours to control. You have a life to lead, there is happiness out there and life is to precious to waste it waiting on someone else to make the decision you want them to make.

Find yourself in Plan B, you never know what might happen there, but it sounds like you are ready for a change. I hope it is a positive one, and I suspect it will be.

I am just shaking my head in disbelief on this one. Obviously these were not your friends in the first place and it is a good thing you know their true colors. I could not imagine what I would do if one of my DH's friends brought around his mistress. I would not want anything to do with her and would have NO obligation to make nice. If I were you I would keep my distance from these people because they have no respect for you or your marriage. Be wary especially if one approaches you and gossips about the OW. That would be a person that has a full set of knifes to backstab.

I think you have given your marriage more than enough effort and plan B is in order. Have you read up on it? Make sure you go completely black. Take care.

You know, I would be shaking MY head in disbelief if I didn't think that people are so fooked up in todays world.

As stated above, those people are not yourfriends. What they are is an small example of the robots in todays world that have been brainwashed into accepting ALL behavior as OK as long as the person is doing the behavior in order to "FIND THEMSELVES" OR "SELF ACTUALIZE" OR "BECOME COMPLETE". Finding adultery a immoral selfish act is 'OLDFASHIONED" AND "UNACCEPTING". Therefore, these selfish acts are multiplying every day.

I am really sorry. I can see myself being in that situation in the near future, and I KNOW I will be shaking my head in believable disbelief. Its a sad, sad commentary on todays society. I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN FIND SOME HAPPINESS. If this moron decides to HONOR his vows, do what makes you the happiest. The ball will be in YOUR court. Good Luck, ok??!

My FWH actually lost friends over his As. A lot of people knew, but did not acknowledge what was going on. They didn't know me, so I guess it really didn't matter to them. But the few who did know about the As and do know me, kept their distance from him. Some are still friends, but not mine.

Letting go and moving on are the hardest things to contemplate, let alone do. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, if need be. You have to do what is right for you. good luck.

Zorro, sweetie, it looks like you and I are in this nightmare together.

I am facing the same walk in life with the same devastation as to what happened. My only difference as WH has cut himself off completely from people. He is all alone with her and their sick world.

It's killing me, I hear your pain and I hug you with all the love I can. How about we hold each one up and together we can walk through this together with grace and dignity.

Sometimes it takes one second at a time and one toe in front of the other. When I am at that point, I just talk to G-d aloud and ask him if he is here. Which he always here. You are NEVER alone. This walk is horrible, painful and something that I honestly don't know how we will recover. But we will one day with time. As my sponsor says, time just takes time.

I'm right here with you Zorro.

Thank you all so much for responding. I know what I need to do but it is indeed very hard. I still can't wrap my brain around my WH taking his affair mistress out in public. Has NO ONE said anything to him about how WRONG this is? I am sure that is why he hangs around these people. They ACCEPT him for the cheating man that he is.

On the flip side of that there are certain people he has not even told he left me yet. WH had not even told his family (brothers) that he left me. I, of course, told them and they are all shocked, but not enough to tell him. His older brother has been married 3 times and I heard is currently separated and having an affair.

I really thought my HUSBAND was different. I thought we had such a great marriage. Today is a bad day, but tomorrow WILL be better.

Plan B has ALWAYS scared me because I am afraid he will just be happy to not EVER have me around. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. I just need to try and move on with my life without him. I am sure I will always love him, but I NEED to face the REALITY of my situation. Very difficult.

Thanks!

Zorro,

I am so sorry for your pain. I am in the same boat. My WH even took OW and introduced her to people he worked with. I know how painful this is for you. We're here to comfort you, so stay with us on this....

I'm right there with you zorro. My WH took his 'friend' to church with him on ash wednesday. At least it wasn't our church I guess :P.

I am trying to figure out my life without him at this point. I was a strong independent woman before I was married and I am starting to be that again. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

A few months ago when I was facing getting ready for Plan B, someone mentioned that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

We just simply don't know what G-ds plan is. You and I have to find the STRENGTH TO LET THEM GO. It's the only way we can ever hope to get them back. And we have to let them go and be prepared that it really could be for the rest of our life. That thought disgusts me, but there is NO OTHER WAY and what helps me face this is that it's what G-d is telling me to do.

As Mimi says to me all the time. HAVE FAITH AND TRUST IN G-D. That is our only hope of survival out of this awful time. We don't know what the plan is and many remind me that G-d isn't going to necessarily tell us what the plan is, just that he has a plan.

This week I envisioned myself jumping off of Mt. Rainier and telling G-d, here I am. I have had two bad days and one good day. But today is a good day and I'll take it and treasure it.

Zorro, I am right here with you. We can make it through this together and will those on here who are giving enough to help us. We aren't alone and though we can't see it, one day, one day.... it will be easier.

TRUST G-D. Remember, he loves your WH more than you can possibly ever love him and he is hurting for him more than you could ever. He can't make your WH choose, but JT told me that he won't rest until he shepherds him in.

I truly believe that G-d is telling me to get out of the way because is bringing my WH down and he doesn't want me in the line of fire.

Tonight I went to my Alanon meeting and I gotta tell you. For the first time, I might even think that we are the lucky ones because we aren't around that ickiness and WW. I don't know if I am ready to completely accept this, but I can tell you for today, after hearing the stories. Makes me have a different appreciation for being out of the line of fire.

Our WW are sick, selfish, selfcentered and monsters. Do you really want that knowing that would be who comes home.

I'm rambling sorry.

I love you Zorro....

I wish I could give you a hug. I am going through the exact thing right now so I can empathize with your pain. I honestly wish I could make it go away for you.

Oh My Hope..... I am so sorry you are feelng this pain. It's horrendous and absolutely paralyzing the strongest of us.

I can take it away, but I can certainly feel it with you and pray that it ends soon for you.

It truly comes in waves and when its coming there doesn't seem to be anything we can do to stop it.

But who knows, maybe one day we will be like Bugs and blow that little sucker right off our shoulder and push the pain away.

You people are truly amazing. I don't even know what to say. The love and support hat each of you gives is incredible and I thank you.

My WH and I have been married for 23 years. I never, never, never for once thought he and I would be divorced one day. I have come to realize this weekend that it is now a REALITY. It is devastating to me. WH has been out of the house for almost 4 months now. He still has OW and obviously SHE is more important to him than me and our 3 children. It is hard to wrap my brain around, but I must.

I HAVE to know that I have been and am still wiling to SAVE my marriage, but my WH will have to do the work to come back and make it happen. Letting go is very hard, but it is the RIGHT thing to do.

Maybe WE are the lucky ones. Has anyone seen that yet? Maybe WE are really the strong ones and the ones who are going to SURVIVE with our heads held high. I have NOTHING to be ashamed about. I love my husband and I want my marriage to work, but I HAVE to save MYSELF. I am the only person I can truly rely on.

My faith in God has wavered a lot lately, but I KNOW that He is the one getting me through this. I WANT to get back my belief and my faith. I know that I need God. I also know that HE is the one we all will ultimately answer to.

I know I seem to be rambling on and on. I WANT to be strong. I believe on the outside I appear to be a strong, independent woman. On the inside I feel so small and inadequate.

Letting go is the hardest thing I have ever done.

"[quote]I'm right there with you zorro. My WH took his 'friend' to church with him on ash wednesday."

Whaaaaaaat? You know what this is all about, don't you? I mean, in this case, and the others pointed out here? It selfish unfaithful spouses TRYING DESPERATELY to convince THEMSELVES AND OTHERS that everything is fine, normal, valid.That if they do things they HAVE ALWAYS DONE, but this time with the porkchops they shacked up with, maybe, just maybe, they can convince themselves down deep that they did nothing wrong and life goes on.

Think about it, actually EXPLAINING what that thing wrapped around his arm was, would entail VERBALIZING OUT LOUD, for all to hear, INCLUDING HIMSELF, what he and his bit o arm candy have done. And they don't want to do that. Oh, no. Thats the LAST thing they want to do, because DEEP DOWN, somewhere inside, they are wracked with guilt. They want to pretend that all is ok.

Man, you girls are some tough cookies. I admire your guts big time. I will be an absolute mess, a puddle.

I mean, one of your husbands even tried SHOW GOD THAT HEY, SEE US HERE, THIS IS LEGIT. "Thou shalt not put God to the test" Its there for a reason.

zorro,

While your faith in God might have wavered,

His faith in you never does.

Remember that.

He is there for you.

SB

Schoolbus

Absolutely. So true.

Oh, Zorro! *hug*
Listen to the wise words of everyone else.

I'm going through the same thing. WS brings OW everywhere..or as I say, OW invites herself everywhere.. around what I thought were my old friends.. but they took her in, think she's nice, etc (Even think WS is a lot better off without me). My FIL even goes out drinking with WS and OW. I feel pushed aside and away - only wanted when WS wants to see the kids. You think that would be enough of a hint, but I'm like you - I want to keep fighting.

But in the end, as you said, we'll be the strong ones. Hopefully, anyway!

Schoolbus, G-ds faith in us has never wavered I think is brilliant and so true. He has faith in us and our abilities to somehow come through this healed and whole and ready to be of service to him.

Zorro,

My prayers and thoughts are with you sweetie. I truly understand the depth of pain and sadness. When does it end, I have no clue. But I do know that we are walking through the most difficult times in our lives and G-d will use it to the good. We just need to keep our FAITH.

I so can relate. ExH and I have been D'd since last summer. Prior to the D, he took OW out and about. Mind you she is 17 years younger than him! Took OW to my inlaws, they had lunch! He is VERY respected at work, and his co workers all accepted her, even though they knew we weren't D'd yet. I'm sure ExH spun a story on how our M was over anyway, so it was O.K. to be with her.

I too find it so hard to believe that people I once called my friends turned their back on me and accepted OW. ExH has been living with OW 2 years already. People still accept her, even though they are living together and she destroyed my family.

How can people approve of what he did/is doing? He's ruined our family, and people say as long as he's happy, that's all that matters. They've welcomed OW with open arms!

I posted awhile ago about that. How I am having a hard time with what people are thinking/saying about me.It upsets me to know that ExH has told OW things about me, and I'm sure has told others things about me, that I didn't want anyone else to know. But he had to justify what he did, so he made me the bad guy.

Everyone tells me A's don't last. Well their's is going VERY strong! I think they might even be engaged! I'm in plan B for me. Just have contact with him for my kids, so I know nohting of hislife, but he's still with her, he had her car the other day, so I assume things are good or she would have left him or vice versa.

I want ExH to hurt like I do. I still want revenge. I've lost faith. I still go to church once in awhile, but I really don't know why. I know everyone says God is with me, he has a plan. When will I see it? When will ExH get his? That's not very Christian of me I know, but it hurts me so much to know that ExH is happy and got what he wanted in his life, and I did not.

Yes, I'm in IC who tells me to get on with life. Do things that make ME happy. Easier said than done. I'm just so envious of ExH and OW now. They have their pretty little life and I am all alone.

O.K. enough of the pity party, but today is a bad day. Sorry.

Please excuse the T/J,

Catgirl,

OH YES, one of those days. I KNOW how AWFUL they are. I truly truly do.

I can't give you faith, unfortunately that is something that you will have to cultivate for yourself with G-d. I can tell you of my experiences.

When this happened, I wanted to die. I simply wanted to die. I didn't care whether my kids had a mom or not. I couldn't handle the sadness or pain. I was beyond consolation, I was beyond understanding what had happened. My H of 24 years just walked out on me and didn't care if I lived or died, so why should I.

I had NO self esteem, self-worth, and I couldn't imagine a life without him. I couldn't even find the strength to be angry because I thought I brought it on myself. Here was the most amazing man who loved me with all his heart once upon a time and he just simply threw me away for a crack addict with hep c and has been divorced twice.

Everyone tells you to go on with your life, but what does that mean. I didn't know and I didn't care. I even thought that when if I would kill myself it would bring my H home because he had gone from being an everyday dad to nothing. NOTHING and he was the victim in all this.

Then one day I realized how much responsibility I had in this and it killed me again inside. I didn't know what to do.

But through this ALL, the ONE THING I did was start seeking G-d in the worst depths of my sadness and despair. That was the ONLY THING that saved my life. I thought I was crazy, I couldn't comprehend what was going on and there was nothing to stop it from happening.

My relationship with G-d has become the single most important thing in my life. Just imagine, he is there for me to talk to when I am all alone in bed at night, crying my heart and soul out, wanting to die, pleading with him to let me die. I held my Torah and let it rock me to sleep. I kept praying and talking.

One day, there was a smile in my heart again. One day there was laughter from my mouth. And this Saturday I walked onto the field where my H played and cheered him on as he kissed his OW right in front of me. I shined because G-d gave me this gift of victory.

So, do I want my M recovered. You bet. Do I think it will happen, I have no idea. Do I want WH to regret what he has done, absolutely, but I DON'T GET TO CONTROL THIS. This is between him and G-d.

I promise you, G-d is there for you. I promise you with a little bit of faith and commitment to it, one day when you least expect it, you will be able to post on a thread like this telling someone that FAITH is all I have and that's ok.

I hurt for you Catgirl. I'm here for you, and I will be there if you EVER need me.

I beg of you to trust G-d and know he is taking care of you, even if you don't feel it, see it or can accept it.

With my love,
Queenie