I was listening to a rebroadcast of the MB radio program yesterday where Dr. Harley said to expose the affair to the Minister of the church.

Well, I did and here is my story:

Girlfriend & WS attend a church. Her brother is a leader in one of the guidance groups and her nephew manages the church website.

I sent an e-mail to the Brother asking for help and to set up a meeting with WS, girlfriend & myself to negotiate an end to this affair so my husband & I could begin the process of restoring our marriage.. No response received.

Through my WS, I learned that he "didn't want to get involved..." Threats of arrest for "harassment" were also thrown about! Nephew blocked my IP address from accessing the website. Wow! that really hurt me! Idiots!

So I then sent a letter to the Minister of the church with the same request. No response for 2 weeks then I received a letter stating: He doesn't know of anyone by that name & it "MUST BE A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY......!!"

The Minister is obviously protecting WS & condoning affair!!! I also learned that the WS & GF were invited to the Ministers house for dinner last week!! He and his wife support the illicit behavior and entertain the couple! Unbelievable!

I returned the letter and wrote that I could not believe a Minister would lie and that they were all hypocrites! I wanted to write much more, but didn't, so I'm venting here.

It's very sad that a religious person in a position of influencing people would consciously avoid doing the right thing.

Their belief is that consenting adults can do whatever they please & God will forgive them - over & over again! A convenient use of scriptures to cover socially unacceptable behaviors.

What ever happened to the basis concept of right & wrong? I abhor people who use religion to dodge their responsibility and to justify their behavior.

So, exposure doesn't always work, especially when dealing with people who can't uphold the basic tenants of religious principles.

PWP:

I think it worked quite well.

It exposed the hypocrisy.

You need to follow up with others. And you can go up the chain of the church hierarchy as well.

THe brother and Minister, (if he has actual knowledge of the letter, it could have been intercepted) would both be talked too by the higher-ups, if they were informed.

LG

i agree with LG, for the benefit of everyone, go up.

I'd say the next step is to put a flyer on every windshield in the parking lot while church is in session. Make sure that the flyer includes last names, so as not to allow another "mistaken identity" claim.

Your WS may have said all sorts of awful things about you to them...you're crazy, abusive, on drugs, you worship Satan, etc.

You gave them a chance to do this nicely. Now kick 'em where it hurts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I looked for a clue for an organization (http://www.abc-nys.org/) but this church isn't listed.

Could they be an individual church with no formal corporate structure?

((((PWP)))))

Right & Wrong doesn't exist for a lot of people. The concept of "absolutes" has been replaced by a lot of people with "relativism." Fortunately, that is not true of all people.

I don't know what church or denomination you are dealing with, but I can tell you that what they are saying is, at a minimum, "twisting" Scripture to justify their own moral choices. At worst they are committing heresy against God and His revealed Word.

It is possible that you might find some assistance "higher up" in the church, but it's difficult to say without knowing more about the "beliefs" of the given church or denomination. Unfortunately, there are many churches that have abandoned the authority of Scripture, and this "idea" that "consenting adults can do whatever they please & God will forgive them - over & over again!" is called "Scripture Twisting."

God doesn't forgive without true and sincere repentance. That is GOD's requirement, not mine and not anyone else's. What they are apparently embracing is the very same lie that Satan told to Eve...."you will not surely die."

Let me be very frank and perhaps even "cruel" here, if I may. The intent is not to hurt you or cause you any further pain, but the Word of God makes it clear that unrepentant adulterers WILL NOT be in heaven. If that is true, and it is since it IS the revealed will of God, then the statement of the minister presupposes on God in order to make his will supercede God's will.

This is no different than the "tactics" employed by Satan in testing Jesus. The response of Jesus to the very same twisting of truth applies equally to this situation: "You shall not tempt the LORD your God." (Matthew 4:7b)

The proper procedure for church discipline is contained in Matthew 18:15-20, as given to us by the Lord Jesus Himself. Many churches have abandoned this clear teaching of how to lovingly confront blatant sin with the intent of restoration of the sinner in favor of a worldview that doesn't want to call "sin" a SIN against God.

Their website states:
A Caring Christian Community of Fully Functioning Followers of Christ

If you enter this into your browser between quotation marks, you will find this church.

Any help finding the structure & who they might affiliate with would be welcomed.

Although the flyer on the windshield sounds tempting - I think it is an unwise (albeit illegal) method to attract attention. I would rather hit them where it hurts - the performance of their jobs!

Thanks!

Ah. That denomination doesn't have a heirarchy. While these churches can join others in "associations" there is no leadership structure to whom these pastors would "report".

If it were me - I would schedule an appointment and go talk to the pastor in person. Take pictures of your happy family. Ask for help rather than going in bent on confrontation.

Expose the pastor's hypocrisy to the congregation and ask their support.

So how do I expose to the congregation?

I presumed that there must be honorable people in the congregation who would be appalled that their pastor doesn't support marriage vows and doesn't want to get involved when someone begs him for help.

PWP, is it possible that your H and his GF are using aliases at that church? I would give the minister one more chance to do this right and pay him a visit. Give him the benefit of the doubt to just make sure he really does know who you mean.

So sorry this happened to you. But at least you DID expose to the minister. I'm sure things will be happening behind the scenes. The minister has failed miserably, but the truth is out.

My church supported me and confronted my husband. It felt so good that they did.

Is your husband living with the OW?

Believer-

Yes - he lives with her because I would not let him "fence-sit" and gave him a Plan B letter.

He has broken contact several times, but I haven't.

MelodyLane:

An alias isn't feasible because my WS goes to the Men's church group. Also the GF is the XW of our tenant, so he is known by his name.

The brother is a leader of one of the Youth Groups & I used all 3 names in the letter.

PWP, do you attend a different church or is this your pastor too? If he is your pastor, I agree with the others that you should set up a meeting with him. If you attend a different church, talk to your pastor about what has happened. Your pastor might have more impact with your wayward husband's pastor.

Gotcha, PWP. What a sad spectacle! But not completely unexpected. It is not uncommon for exposure targets to not CARE, [even parents, unbelievably!] but it does not mean the exposure wasn't successful.

The goal of exposure is to EXPOSE, not to effect a specific [and completely uncontrollable] reaction from the target. In this case, the affairees will be much more uneasy having others knowing they are committing adultery. Affairs thrive on secrecy and you have ruined that.

That means your exposure did work.

p.s. I would still be inclined to pay a visit to the pastor and share a few choice verses with him and ask him mano to mano for an explanation. Make him tell you to your face that he "doesn't know them."

Forget the church, at least until all other options have been investigated, you're chasing your tail there. Its not like getting the help of the church, or proving them wrong, or damaging the priests reputation or job is going to necessarily have any effect on your H and his A anyhow.

So get your focus back. You tried the church route, it didn't go so well. What other exposure options do you have? Family? Work? Friends? OW's (stop calling her his "girlfriend") Husband? OW's Family?

Tell us a bit more about your marriage. Sounds like you got caught up with a bunch of religious nutbags somewhere along the way.

You could also try sending letters to the leaders of the L.I.F.E. groups, particularly the "Couples" group.

Exodus1414

I don't currently belong to a church - this scripture twisting seems to pervade churches in our area.